Tuesday, December 30, 2008

True Story....

The baby was fed and sleeping deeply in his crib. All of the children of the house were now sound asleep. The laundry was in the drier and the dishes were all tucked into the dishwasher. Measha stood in the living room watching a television show as she picked up the last few toys off of the floor as TJ had requested as he had finished the dishes. When the room was picked up TJ made sure all of the blinds were closed and turned off the kitchen light off. Measha felt her stomach roll over as he walked into the living room and sat on the couch.

“Turn around,” he said when she didn’t turn to acknowledge his presence. She took a deep breath and turned to look at him. “Now, why are we here, again?” he asked her and she felt herself bite her lower lip before she could stop herself. No matter how tough she had acted, when there was a spanking looming over her she felt her innards turn and she had a hard time keeping her eyes on her husband.

“Please don’t make me say it, we both know why,” she tried not to whine.

“I don’t care. I asked you a question,” he said firmly. She took another deep breath.

“Because I was disrespectful. I stomped away from you last night and I was mean this morning to you. I was giving you attitude and I just…well…I’ve been acting really bad lately.” She finished listing her sins wondering if he had even heard her she was speaking so softly.

“I haven’t been this disappointed in you in a long time,” he nodded. “Lay on the floor.” He directed. She gave him a puzzled look, as she was used to being across his lap for her spankings. She lay on the floor and he smiled, “No, on your belly”. She reluctantly turned over. “Pull up your nightgown,” he instructed and she pulled her peach cotton nightgown up over her hips, but left her panties on. He hadn’t said to remove them, and she wasn’t going to offer it. She heard him behind her move off of the couch and felt him kneeling beside her, she didn’t dare look at him. She was afraid she would lose her nerve and run for the bathroom if she looked up at him.

They had talked earlier about her behavior. He had explained that he was very disappointed in her, and that there was trust that needed to be rebuilt. When they had started on the DD path they had come to an agreement that if there was a punishment earned but no way to deliver there would be other options to them. TJ would either give her an assignment such as writing lines or an essay of sorts or TJ would simply delay the punishment but inform Measha that he had not forgotten but for whatever reason could not deliver at that time. When Measha had stomped off when he tried to give her an assignment because he was not up to a spanking that night she had gone back on their agreement. He was disappointed in her for that and felt he could not trust her to accept her punishments as he deemed fit.

Measha was a bundle of nerves laying on the floor like that with him kneeling beside her scolding her now for her misdeeds. He had said the punishment would be long and she wondered how long, how painful, and wished she hadn’t been such a witch that morning to him. She hadn’t heard him go into the drawers in the kitchen earlier so she was completely caught off guard when she felt the plastic scraper crash into her bottom. She stiffened in response and tried not to yell out, not wanting to wake the kids sleeping soundly upstairs.

“You will learn to control your temper!” he scolded as he spanked her right cheek repeatedly each stroke of the scraper harder then the last. She was squirming and trying to keep still but she was finding it more difficult as the spanking continued. She felt each new sting burn her flesh and she whimpered when she felt him tug at her panties and felt them being pushed aside so he could spank her bare bum. She wiggled more and more as he continued scolding and spanking her.

“I haven’t been this disappointed in so long! And this is the second time this week we’ve had to address your attitude!” he was scolding. She tried hard to lift herself out of the pain she was feeling. She tried to concentrate on the conversation on the television but each slap brought her mind back to what was happening to her.

“Please…Please” she begged. “Give me a minute” she tried to sit up, but he held her down with his hand on her bottom and delivered a series of quick swats to her bottom.

“What? Be nice to you after the way you behaved? Where you being nice when you snapped at me, when you stomped away from me, when you swore at me?” he asked with a harsh tone that tore at her heart. She had truly upset him, no she had disappointed him. She didn’t know what hurt more, the spanking or that fact. He gave her a moment to catch her breath then continued on, not stopping as he brought the spatula down on her bottom repeatedly.

Her bottom was completely on fire when he moved his aim to her thighs. She tried to keep in place, tried to stop wiggling, but the sting was so intense she found herself kicking her legs trying to protect her bottom from the spanking. “Keep your legs down!” he slapped her thighs hard.

“It hurts soo much!” she cried out trying to wiggle from side to side to avoid his blows. He would not be deterred however and simply pushed her back into position.

“It’s only been 3 minutes. We’ve barely started!” he said as he continued to hold her down and spank her. She wiggled and kicked. “Stop kicking or I will tie your feet together!” he threatened as he began on her thighs again and again the sting was too much. “That’s it!” he said and stood up. She heard him rummaging through his room, through the drawers in the kitchen then he walked past her to go upstairs.

“No, I’m sorry! I won’t kick..please no!” she begged.

“Don’t you move!” he warned as he disappeared up the stairs. He came down only a moment later and laid a long wooden paddle, one that she had thought he had long forgotten about, next to her and she groaned loudly. She then spotted the white rope in his hands, it was a soft rope, one they used when they played in the bedroom but a rope none the less.

“Please..I won’t move.. I swear it!” she pleaded. “Please,” she begged claiming that she was scared. But he knew her better, knew that if she was really scared she would have stood up and told him, that she wouldn’t have put her legs together for him.

“You said that before,” he shook his head as he began to tie her ankles together. She cried inwardly as she felt the rope slip between her feet, and knew he was tying it with a knot she wouldn’t easily escape from.

She had thought that she would be freaking out if he had tied her up like that. He had threatened before but had never followed through with it, but she found herself oddly calmed. The fact that she couldn’t kick her legs made her feel about more secure in a way. She wasn’t scared at all, she knew he would never do anything to harm her, knew that she deserved what was happened, and tried to concentrate on the situation.

TJ picked up the wooden paddle and before she could brace herself she felt it crash into her bottom. He was relentless now, bringing it down again and again giving very little reprieves between blows. She stiffened with each stroke, and grunted loudly. She could feel the tears inside her but they would not come out, she wished they would give her a release that she was looking for. She continued to beg him, to apologize, and to wiggle from side to side as the spanking went on for what seemed forever.

Finally he gave her one last hard slap of the paddle, and just when she thought he was done he picked up the scrapper and gave her another round of that implement before he sat back on his knees. “Are we going to have to do this again?”

“No, Sir,” she whispered, trying to catch her breath.

“You know what you did was very wrong,” he stated laying the paddle on her burning bottom.

“Yes, Sir,” she again whispered

“You know that if this happens again the spanking will be worse. You know better then this. You will speak to me with respect. You will obey me. And you will NOT stomp away from me ever!” he gave her a hard slap and then said “Ok..get up,” he said and she rolled over and sat up.

He opened his arms and pulled her into his chest. “You know I love you, right?” he asked as he always did after spanking her.

“I know. I love you, too” she sighed and buried her face in his chest. After a few moments of snuggling she sat back on her feet, that he had untied.

“How’s your butt?” he asked wickedly and she stared at him. “It’s fine isn’t it!” he accused with some dissappiointment. “I swear you have a steel ass!” and he kissed her on her forehead.

“No, its hot as hell…but I’m not really sitting we’ll see how it is later,” she said coyly and he took her upstairs.

Measha laid in bed thinking over the spanking and her actions and she still felt a lot of regret. She had asked TJ to please give her the assignment that she didn’t take but he felt the spanking had been enough and she would have to trust him. She of course did, not wanting to disappoint him anymore.

The next morning Measha was at the gym and when it came time to do her weight training she realized just how skilled he had become in his spanking technique. She squirmed a bit on the seats trying to find a spot that wasn’t quite so sore. She smiled to herself when she was changing in the locker room and saw that her bottom still had a red tint to it. She instantly picked up her cell and sent a text to TJ letting him know, knowing it would make him grin, and then headed off to work, glad that she didn’t have a job that required a lot of sitting.

Monday, December 29, 2008

I came across this today and it gave me a chuckle, so naturally I had to share it. Her bottom is awfully red...wouldn't it have also been cool if her bottom got darker as the image played?

I find the humor in this now because I am sitting quite comfortably at my computer looking at these pictures that give me a bit of a giggle, no sore bottom, no uncomfortable heat radiating from my cheeks as I sit. That will all change tonight, however. From TJ's last text to me it would appear that I am in for quite a "talk" and I wish I could say that I had a good defense or that I didn't deserve every lick I'm gonna get. But I suck at lying... I deserve every single stroke of whatever implement he decides to wield.

The other day apparently I had been giving a bit more attitude then TJ had the patience for. He said to me "It occured to me today that I've been too lenient with you about your attitude, letting you get away with more then I should...that will change tonight". That night he was good to his word.

I was a bit stubborn about the whole thing, not really believing that my attitude needed any sort of adjusting. During the spanking he said "We can stay here all night long if we have to...hope you had a cup of coffee after dinner!" I found myself to be really stubborn...I just wouldn't give over that maybe my attitude may have been a bit out of sorts lately. I was determined to outlast him. I could take whatever he was gonna dish out. So we continued... he spanked and I grunted. (Because to yell out would have only given him the impression that I was bothered by the spanking). He continued to scold me, tell me exactlly about my attitude he wanted to see change. (apparently eye rolling is out...and my favorite word 'whatever' is also out) and I eventually began to see what he was talking about. And my backside was completely on fire at this point.

I had made the mistake of changing into my pj's prior to the spanking so he had easy access to my bare bottom. He just pulled him up and went to town. Of course I didn't outlast him, nor did he let me. So I went to bed very hot bottomed that night and even had a tender tush the following day.

Yesterday, lets just say my mouth was running before my butt could remind my brain what would happen if it let my mouth say what it wanted to say. And I cursed at him.. not just any curse either. THE curse...that F curse...the mother of all...well you get the idea. He wasn't able to get to the spanking last night and when he told me that he would give me an "assignment" instead I balked at him. I said to him 'You could have told me that hours ago. I waited up for you. How about when Im exhausted tomorrow and have to deal with the kids all day...that can be my lesson!" and I walked away from him.

Today, after talking with a friend online about the situation, I texted him to please send me my assignment. His reply: "After your lil fit last night I realized an assignment won't work..I'll deal with you tonight"

So I sit here comfortably laughing at this woman getting her bottom busted by batman because it helps keep my mind off of the fact that my very own butt will be quite busted tonight after the kids are in bed. And I deserve it. I can't deny that.

I know why I got upset last night. I wanted a spanking not an assignment and when I didn't get what I wanted/expected I got all pissy. That's not saying much for me, I know. This is a journey, my journey, and right now I'm completely lost on some side trail and I need TJ to pull my ass back on the main road. I know he will, and I'll hate it and feel contrite and then I'll feel loved and cared for. Then this whole mess will be behind us and we can move on to the next thing...whatever that may be. With me who knows!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Trying a video

I wanted to try something here and hopefully it will work.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Belated Christmas

I was unable to get on the computer the past few days. I should say get to the computer since the table was covered with wrapping paper, tissue paper, Christmas cards, newspapers, boxes, bags, and miscellaneous crap and I could barely even see that my computer was on the table! But I'm getting away from my thoughts... Anyway...So I was unable to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! So.. MERRY CHRISTMAS!! I do hope it was joyous and full of happiness...and of course a spanking or two. WEG.

I did have a wonderful holiday but there was no spanking. TJ and I were too exhausted for a spanking last night as he had promised me but that was OK because like I said I was too tired anyway. But something did happen yesterday that I thought was worth taking a note about.

Every year for the past few years my in laws would give us a check on Christmas and each year I would look at the amount and in my head spend each penny. I would allot an amount for this or that and by the time TJ had even hinted to me what he wanted to do with the money I had it all spent. He would say "I wanna get-" and I would just shake my head at him. But this year...well it was much different.

My mother in law gave us the envelope right before dinner and TJ put it in his pocket right away. Later when we were opening our gifts with the rest of the family I started to think about the money. I stared to divvy it up again. "Ok...we can pay off that card...and now I can put some money aside for.....wait....this isn't my decision!" That thought knocked me off my guard. I thought for a minute about how TJ was going to decide what happened to it. I was going to get to have a say, he would listen to me of course, but that he was going to make the final decision. And it didn't worry me at all.

When we were driving home I mentioned this fact to him. I said "It dawned on me that I don't get to decide what we do with that money," and his reply. "That's right, you don't." and I felt that familiar warmth in my stomach that I feel when he gets all HOH on me. "But we are going to discuss it though, right?" I asked. "Of course..but I decide," he answered and the butterflies went fluttering again.

And it was fine. We talked about it briefly he told me his plans and I made a suggestion, he agreed and it was all worked out. What would probably have caused a tiff (not a full out argument but some negative feelings on his part) before was a simple two minute conversation that left us both feeling fine. Just another thing DD has helped us with, and another way I'm slowly giving over control of this family to him and letting him expand his wings.

On another note. This money thing really has made a big difference in him. The past few weeks he has been so much more confident and more assertive in what he wants done or how he wants things done. He has been loving and has considered me in every decision he has made. All of this has made him happier these past few weeks and has made me feel even more loved and even more confident that I made the best decision ever when I married him and wanted him to be the HOH.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Stress relief

Yesterday, I was in a bad place (emotionally). I don't know how I got there or why I was there but I was having a horrible time wth the kids. They weren't misbehaving (any more then usual) and nothing outward really happened but I was just in that "I'm gonna sit down and cry and pull my hair out" place. Luckily TJ was working from home and was able to step in and help me out in the afternoon with the kiddos while I got myself together. I asked him, as i handed him the baby, for a spanking when the kids were sleeping cos I needed something to snap my head back on right. Him, being the loving SO that his is full heartedly agreed.

Right before he was going to send me to bed he got out his wooden spatula and sat next to me on the couch. He had me stand up and lay over his lap. When I saw the spatula I said 'Isn't that kinda serious for just a stress reliever?" he just shrugged. then I said. "Can you start with your hand?" and he looked up at me and said "I will start with whatever I think I should start with, now over my lap,"

I waited for what felt like forever for the first smack of that spatula and was mighty relieved when it was his hand that started to whallop my bottom. He wasn't being very gentle with his spanks, he covered my entire bottom with hard spanks. After a good 5 minutes (or at least that's what it felt like) he switched to that spatula which STINGS like hell! Then he had me stand up and I thought we were done but he told me to remove my pants and get back across his legs which I did.

He went back to his hand then switched to the spatula and I was kicking and squirming with that. He even used the handle of the dang thing (I think he was thinking to test out a "cane' type implement..) After what felt like a long time he let me up again and asked if I needed more. Which I did not at that point. Then we were done. He hugged me a bit then said it was time for bed.

I have to say that was the most thorough spanking he's given me to date. I wonder if it was because it wasn't really a punishment that his anger/disappointment towards me wasn't there to hasten him. My bottom stung for a while, I laid in bed and kept shifting cos my butt was really stinging from that spatula. All in all it was just what I needed, I slept wonderfully and I feel great this morning!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

No spanking...let's talk holiday!

I don't really having spanking on my mind that much today.....Well ok..just a tad then onto what I came on to post about... This morning TJ out of the blue turned me around and delivered about 10 swats to my bottom. It was a wonderful way to start the day, I have to admit. There was no real reason for it, we hadn't been arguing or anything, he just kind of felt like it. And I have to say that those 10 swats were delivered with the perfect intensity to the perfect spot on my less then perfectly shaped bottom. I would have to say that what he gave was probably about the intensity of a warm up should/could be. No long term effect other then a warmed heart and I told him at least 5 times how great that was. Just got my head on right for the day. It was wonderful, albiet short.

Ok..now on to what I wanted to post about. The holidays! This year there are so many families that have lost jobs and income due to the horrible condition of the economy. I would like to suggest that anyone who is able to please make a donation at your local grocery for thier food pantry if they are doing that. We decided to give a little less (gift wise) to our extended family and use the extra money to donate to the food pantry at our grocery store.

Check to make sure 100% of the money goes to the pantry. Our store uses all of the money and provides a holiday meal for a family in the local community. So each week when I do our shopping I give a little extra for the pantry. Now, there are other ways to give back to the community. Some communities have a "giving tree" and there are also places that you can go to "adopt" a family for the holiday (meaning you give them presents and other items). Don't forget the Toys for Tots program as well.

However you decide to pitch in is up to you. But please this holiday season make room on your list for someone who is less fortunate and pitch in to give them a wonderful holiday as well!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Backing off

This DD concept is completely natural to me. In the sense that I think about it more often and am more comfortable with it then TJ is. Even after 10 yrs of marriage and 7/8 (or so) years of DD (on and off and on and off) I still sometimes feel like I'm in the drivers seat.

I don't think it's anything he's done or is doing but more my mindset. I have gotten so used to pointing things out to him that I don't think I'm leaving him much room to come up with his own plan. When he does come up with his own plan there's still a bit of tug of war over who's right. When in reality when I asked for DD I asked to be heard, be considered, but that his decision was his decision. I trust him to make the right choice for our family, and if somehow he doesn't then we call it "learning" and we move on.

Even with just the simply act of spanking. I, too often, point out to him "Hey, did you hear what I just said....are you gonna let me get away with that?" (not in those words but you get my meaning). Sometimes, I think he won't act if I don't tell him to. I'm sure he would, in fact he has, just the other day with the cell phone issue. I got into the habit of pointing out when he should spank and now I think I've gotten us into that routine.

It irritates me that after all of this time I'm still fighting him for control I don't want. So, I've come up with a plan. It's simple really. I'm going to do my best to back off. Let him drive for a while without me grabbing the wheel or yelling to turn. I'm just gonna look out the window and enjoy the scenery while he takes us wherever he takes us. Easily said. Let's see how easy it is to practice. I know I've gotten much better then when I first brought this subject up to him, but I know that I could be a lot better too. I complain sometimes that he's not "with it" when it comes to DD but today I'm analyzing myself and I can be doing better. So I'm going to try harder.

Monday, December 15, 2008

The waiting

This morning, before the sun even rose into the sky, I earned myself a punishment. TJ and I had talked the other day about consistency and we agreed he needed to work on that area a bit. We talked about how the rules he sets really need to be important, otherwise, if I break one he doesn't feel the need to correct me for it. For example: if he says I have to wear purple shoes everyday and one day I don't he's very likely to just shrug and say 'eh, oh well' because he could care less what shoes I wear.

So that brings me to this morning. There is a rule in our house that I must always have my cell phone with me and charged. I know this is a rule for an important reason and I still suck at following it. It's not that I leave the phone home on purpose, it's just I forget the dang thing all the time and I'm even worse about charging it.

There was a HUGE drop in the temperature during the night and everything was basically one big ice cube this morning. I got up a little earlier for the gym so that I would have time to scrape off the 1-2 inches of ice on my windshield (which I only ended up scraping off a little hole for me to look through cos the ice was so thick...but he doesn't know that...thankfully). I went to the gym, worked out, showered, and left the gym. When I got into the van I pulled my phone out (I did remember it!) thinking to call TJ and make sure he was up for work. The phone....was dead. Well, it died when I flipped it open to see the screen. No big deal, I thought.

When I got home I told TJ about how cold and icy it was (after I had pulled my phone out of my coat and plugged it into the charger.) He looks up at me and says "And you didn't have your cell phone with you!?" I was kinda taken aback by how upset he was and I quickly stammered that I did have it with me but it was dead. "Then you should have taken mine!" I again just looked at him blankly. I then explained that I didn't know it was dead until after I got out of the gym. *silence* Then he looked up at me with a look I've only seen a few times before and said "We will be talking about this tonight!" and he walked away.

Then, immediately, everything went right back to normal. He got dressed and I fixed the kids breakfast. We chatted a bit about this and that and then he was off to work. So, I'm left here all day with this impending spanking coming my way. SOOO many things go through my mind during the day when this happens.
  1. Will he remember?
  2. What will he use? That damn paddle again?
  3. Does this mean no sex tonight?
  4. Should I remind him if he forgets?
  5. Does he think about this at all during the day?

I envision the spanking, I plan it all out, and then I fester in my own imagination all day long. I go from one emotion to the next. Panic, dread, anger (this happens when I begin assume he's going to forget) remorse, embarrassment then it all starts all over again.

I wonder if we didn't have kids would he have simply pulled me into the living room, sat down pulled me over his lap and given me the spanking then? Then again, if we didn't have kids would that rule be as important?

Then there's pressure on him to deliver. I will have the entire thing played out in my head and if he doesn't go by my mentally prepared script will I be disappointed? I think that the mental torture I put myself through while waiting for my spanking should be considered time served... well a little bit anyway...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Working on it...Update!

Well, it's been a few weeks since I handed over the checkbook and the bills to TJ....

So far it's been a bit tense for me, knowing that he's making decisions that I wouldn't make. He's doing things his way and not mine, which is driving me to distraction, but overall I think I've handled it well. I haven't yelled or screamed or even had a fit when he's told me that I couldn't get something. He's made a few mistakes but I think he'll learn from them....I hope. (even though if he had done things my way...the mistakes wouldn't have happened...but I digress and I need to breathe...)

The last time he had control over the checkbook he had made a few mistakes and I instantly took it all back. I freaked out and made the decision that he couldn't handle it and I grabbed control from him. This time...I'm going to let this be a learning experience for him. He let the balance get too low, a few things bounced, (I'm taking steady breaths here...staying calm) but he'll learn from this, I have to let him do this for a few reasons.
1. It makes him feel more like HOH if he's actually in charge.
2. The money was getting too stressful for me with having to always chase him around trying to figure out what he was doing with the debit card. and
3. Its really important to him, so that makes it important to me.

So so far nothing crazy has happened. The earth did not open up and swallow me whole. The world has not ended because I am not in total control of this portion of our life together, even with the little bump in the road it has been ok. So far...

OK...That's what I wrote yesterday with the intentions of posting it today....this morning, however, brought about a whole different scene. I completely lost my temper on the phone with TJ and said some horrible things. I thought for sure that I was going to be in for a spanking tonight but that wasn't the case. He felt that part of the problem was his mistake because he had caused the issue in the first place by making the mistake with the money. I countered that just because he makes a mistake doesn't mean that I get to go off the way I did. We talked about the entire issue, how it got out of hand, who's fault it was (both of ours) and in the end I'm off the hook. Sometimes when he lets me off the hook I feel let down, but tonight it's different. I am genuinely sorry for going off on him the way I did. We talked about it and it's all resolved. No hard feelings, no anger, no resentment. And I'm calm. I don't think a spanking would do anything to help this situation or even make it worse. I guess that's a part of DD I didn't think I'd see. Even though he'd totally be in his rights to punish for what I did he's not going to. Partly because he feels he's also to blame and partly because we talked it out and have come to a solution for the original problem. This whole letting control of that check book is getting harder on me. One of the things I ranted about was that I was taking it back from him. Tonight when we were talking I mentioned that I didn't really want it back and his response was. "Oh, you're not getting it back. I'm not giving it up...and that's the end of that," Sometimes even when things go wrong...they end up putting you in the right place!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Spanking Parties

I was thinking about something new to post about since I haven't had a spanking too recently and since TJ is a bit under the weather, nothing "fun" is really going on around here. Then it dawned on me. I may not have anything "new" to report but I can certainly dig up some of the things that TJ and I have tried in the past. Today's topic: Spanking Parties

When TJ and I moved back home after his tour in the army I was determined to get him into the spanking scene. I wanted him to become a super spanko (like myself lol). So I went online and found a local spanking community. A few clicks, an email or two and we were members and were signed up for a spanking party.

This was years ago. We had been married for about 4 years, had no children, and were still in our early 20's. The party was being held at a hotel. The group rented out a few rooms that were all adjoined. TJ and I also rented a room in the hotel, thinking that we would continue the party privately in our own room. (which we did WEG)

Talk about nervous! When we arrived it was easy to tell that we were the youngest guests there! The group of people seemed to know each other pretty well as they were chatting and spanking as though it were the most common thing in the world! I remember one guy draped over a woman's lap being spanked and they were talking about some recent vacation he had taken.

After just hanging out for about an hour or so TJ had me face down on the bed and was spanking me (if you can call what he was doing spanking LOL) some guy started talking to TJ as though I wasn't really there. He was giving him pointers on how to spank and such, then the next thing I knew, a paddle was being passed and the guy said "Like this," and delivered about 2-3 swats that had me howling! TJ, who usually is a very quick study, still took years before he delivered anything like that man did.

A little while later at the party an older gentelmen asked TJ if he could "play" with me. TJ looked at me and agreed. I have to say that experience was kind of odd. Like I said, we were all in the same room with several other couples, and TJ was nearby. Right behind me if I remember correctly. I was bent over the side of one of the beds and the gentlemam was standing behind me. I don't remember the entire spanking (cos this was almost 7 yrs ago) but I do remember thinking how odd it was to have some other man touching my bottom and in front of my husband! All in all it was a pretty thorough spanking, my ass was warm for at least an hour after all of that. And TJ got to spank that man's wife while I was "occupied' with her husband. That particular couple exchanged emails with TJ and later did invite us over for dinner. TJ declined, telling me that there was too much of an age difference between us. (I think they were in thier 60's and we were in our early 20's)

We did attend another party around Halloween time, a costume party. That one was held at a hotel but instead of private rooms, they booked a conference room. I remember feeling so bad for the servers who had to come in and get drink orders and such. Can you imagine? You go to work and spend the evening walking around couples spanking each other to get to the empty glass on the table? We only stayed at that party for about an hour then went back to our own room for an evening of fun.

Spanking parties are fun if you are into spanking purely for the spanking, I think. TJ found it a bit too "open" in a way. For us spanking is a way for us to be intimate with each other. At least it is now, for sure. Although, we had a fun time at the parties I highly doubt we'd ever attend another one. So those experiences have been filed away in the "been there, done that" category and once in awhile I pull out the memory glance at it, shrug, have a laugh and file it away again.

I'm gonna have to as TJ what he would think about seeing another man spank my bottom now? I wonder if he'd still be "ok" with it like he was at that party.

Measha's Writings Updated

I added a new story to my lulu store. Girls Night Out Rachel and Barbara find themselves with an evening to themselves while their husbands are off fishing. When the movie ads don't wet the girls appetite for fun and adventure the strip club ads on the next page sure catch their eye. Against Barbara's better judgment they find themselves at the strip club and later that evening cornered by their husbands!

I'm currently working on a small collection of stories that have more of a BDSM flavor to them. The thing about my writing is that it really depends on my mood when I sit down at the computer to do the writing. If I'm feeling saucy I'll write a spanking story but there are times I get into a kinkier mood and out comes something a bit darker.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


I just commented the other day to TJ that I've been really good, hadn't earned myself a punishment in weeks! As I'm sure you've figured out by the title of this post, I had spoken too soon. I would like to say that I had at least done something exciting to get myself into trouble, but that would be lying. It was my mouth...it always does me in.

Yesterday, like any other day I got up around 4 am(ish), fed the baby (who had already woken me up during the night), dressed and went to the gym. I got in a good workout, picked up my coffee on the way home and got home just as the house was waking up. TJ went off to work and I looked at my kids wondering what to do next. We played, we did our letters/numbers, we decorated for Christmas a little bit and had a good lunch. Then nap time came. Nap time in my house is like WWIII. There is screaming, whining, yelling, throwing of toys, and then there's crying (done most of the time by me...the crying not the throwing of the toys) and eventually defeat is conceded (again by me).

By the time TJ got home I was beyond exhausted. We ate dinner and the he headed upstairs for his nightly "soak" (a nice hot bath) I got the kids into the livingroom and we were watching some Christmas show on TV. When TJ came down stairs he offered to give the girls their bath and I was more then happy to let him. While he was doing that I fed the baby. The baby fell asleep right away as usual during his "dinner" and I kind of drifted off too. When TJ came down with the girls he had an armful of clothes. I tried to explain to him that I had a load of laundry I was going to do and was just waiting for his pants (cos he was wearing them so I had to wait until he got home to do it) but he wasn't getting what I was saying. "Just don't do anything!" I finally blurted out. He gave me a "look" and dropped the clothes right where he was standing and left the room.

I put the baby in his crib and took the girls upstairs to bed with TJ. When we got back down I was again trying to explain to him what I was doing but he wasn't listening (at least that's how I saw it). He said "Look...I just need clothes. I haven't had clean socks in 3 days" (which is not true..it's only been one lol) my response: "Fuck you! Fuck YOU! FUCK YOU!" and I walked out of the room and went back to watching TV (which I rarely do but like I said I was exhausted)

A few minutes later he came out into the living room with some chips and sat next to me. When he didn't say anything I said "Are you going to apologize now?"
A glare was his response and then "Are you going to?"
Me: For what? I'm allowed to be angry with you
Him: No, not like that you aren't
Me: When you are being an ass...I'm allowed to be mad
Him: We'll talk about this after you put the boy upstairs (he loves calling him 'the boy'...I don't know why)
Me; Whatever

Fast forward 10 minutes. TJ was in the computer room smoking and went in to talk to him.
Me: Look you weren't listening to what I was saying. And I DO get to be mad
Him: I said we'd talk later
Me: I don't want to ruin the whole night. Just talk to me now
Him: Fine. Yes, you can be mad at me. But you DO NOT get to talk to me like that. You don't swear at me and you don't yell at me
Me: Ok. fine. and I turned to leave the room just as he pulled out the paddle that I despise.
Him: Turn around and put your hands on the wall
[side note: I HATE that position. HATE it. It feel way to impersonal and I can't keep still when he spanks like that, I dance around and then he gets pissed and adds more to the spanking]
Me: No, I didn't mean for that right now (cos I had meant I wanted to talk...I knew a spanking woudl come but I wanted to wait until the baby was up in his room....I prolly should have told him that)
Him: Turn around
Me: No. I said no.
and I walked out of the room.

I was in the middle of changing the baby when TJ walked into the living room with that damn thing in his hand. I sat on the couch next to him to feed the baby, and he just sat there holding the damn paddle. He moved a few minutes later to lay on the floor still clutching the DAMN paddle. I finished feeding the baby and took him up to his room.

I weakly called down the stairs "Would you mind putting the clothes in the dryer?"
Him: "Come here,"
Me: I walked half way down the stairs.
Him: "What are you doing?"
Me: "Going to bed,"
Him: "Come here first,"

At this point I had two choices. 1. I could get down there and get spanked or 2. I could run up the stairs and into bed and he probably wouldn't have chased me since all the kids were up there sleeping. But if I had gone with choice 2 he would have seen that as I didn't respect him as HOH, that even though I had asked him for this type of relationship I wasn't willing to live up to my end of. It would have sent him the message that I didn't really mean it or that I only wanted it on my terms. I also realized that running back upstairs would hurt our relationship much more then that paddle was going to hurt my ass. So down the last four steps I went.

Just as I got near him he reached out and grabbed my arm. He pulled me to the couch and directed me to put my hands on the cushion. I think I shook my head because next thing I knew I was over the couch and the paddle was peppering my butt hard. He didn't take time to do a warm up or even to "talk" He just kept bringing that demon of a paddle down on my butt and my sit spot.

"You haven't been this disrespectful in a long time!" he said along with "I will not have you speaking to me like that in my house" and "You sure as hell don't tell me no and walk away!" I don't know how many swats he gave me or how long the spanking lasted but I know it was enough. When he was done I sat back on my heels and was crying. I wasn't crying because my ass hurt (which it DID) but because I had earned it. I had ruined our evening together with my temper. I was all up in arms about him not listening to me, when it was really me who hadn't listened to him.

He gave me all the hugs and kisses I needed and held me while I cried. He made sure I was ok, and then we talked. I explained my view and he explained his view and he also explained that had I not gone off on him we could have had that talk w/out the spanking. He asked me to skip the gym this morning since I wouldn't have the kids I could sleep in. I didn't want to skip my work out so he made me promise to at least take a nap before going to work this afternoon.

It still amazes me how well this works for us. Years ago what took us only about 40 minutes (with the argument and the spanking included) would have been a 2 to 3 hour long fight with hurt feelings. Now, we get past it much quicker. It's dealt with and over and we both went to bed last night happy and loved.

WOW! That was a long post! I'm off to my nap...after I do a few things (LOL)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


One of the many parts of DD is: Spanking. Ok, it's a pretty big part of it and it's the part that I'm gonna talk about today.

I've been finding that TJ stops spanking just when I'm about to burst through that wall. Right when I get to the point of "Ok...yeah yeah I'm sorry" turns into "OK...I'm really sorry..I mean it..." and the remorse is honest and I've moved into what I guess some could call 'sub space' (for lack of better description). I've gotten the impression that he doesn't think I can take a very severe spanking....so I went about finding a way to show him that I can.

I wanted to show him that he can go further with the spankings and that I could/would be able to handle it. I wanted to show him that for punishments perhaps he was being very lenient on my bottom.

I brought up my idea to him: an experiment of sorts. We picked a time where we could devote at least 30 minutes for spanking. We agreed to try several different implements. He agreed to do a good warm up. Another thing I wanted to show him was that with a "proper" warm up we could take the spankings to a different level . He told me that when I got to the point of "NO MORE" to use the code word: Uncle.

Friday night came and it was time. I pulled out all of the implements...well mostly all of them. There was:
The universal scraper (pictured in the upper left corner)
The hand held wooden paddle that I had bought him for Xmas years ago that he's never really used
The hairbrush
A wooden spoon.

He sat on the couch and had me lay over his lap (my favorite position by the way). He explained that he was gonna do the warm up and then began to pepper my back side with spanks from the scraper. At first not a big deal, was feeling almost like a therapeutic massage. After a minute or two the smacks began to get a bit harder and were closer together. I was squirming by the end of 3 or 4 minutes and by the time he finally said "Ok...warm ups over" I was really rolling around on his lap trying to avoid that scraper.

He had me get up and take down my pants. I looked at him and said "But you never have me take off my pants," and he just gave a grin. I did as he instructed and got back on his lap. The hairbrush was next and if I thought the scraper stung I was mistaken. The hairbrush, when applied the same cheek rapidly packs a horrible burn. He switched to the wooden spoon and then to the wooden paddle.

He didn't switch implements until I cried out "UNCLE!", no matter how much I squirmed or cried out, he waited for me to give him the signal. It took less time to get me to call out "Uncle" with each implement. It wasn't so much that whatever he was using, hairbrush, spoon or what have you was so terrible, it was that he had been spanking me for so long that if he had used a feather it would have stung.

At some point he got to the wooden paddle. Now, I've had that paddle used on me all of 2 times (and I'm being generous with that number) since we got it years ago. I knew there was a lot of "thud" with a paddle and I was expecting that. I wasn't expecting it to hurt so very much. At first it was just another swat to an already very sore behind, but then it was soooo much more. It was fire! It was sting! It was "UNNNCLLEEE!!!!" I couldn't have called out that word sooner if I had tried...because I was too busy stammering from the burn of the thing. Somehow we ended up on the floor. (I think I rolled off his lap LOL) and he told me to get on hands and knees.

"Not with that thing!" I said and pointed at the paddle.

"Oh..it's got your attention does it?" he asked with more evil in his smile then I cared to see at that particular moment. "C'mon we are almost done... just get over here." I whimpered and did as he asked. I presented my very hot, red, and fiery bottom in front of him. I looked behind me and saw him bring his arm back, the paddle in hand, and as he brought it down on me I crawled away. He laughed and told me to get back. I did. And again as he was about to make contact I crawled away again. "Stop it," he laughed. "Just stay put,"

"Stop doing a full swing! You're gonna catapult me across the room!" I cried as I got back into position.

"Look forward," he commanded me. I looked ahead of me, focusing on the TV, but I could tell he was almost mid swing, I looked behind me confirmed my suspicion and off I went again crawling away. This time he lurched forward grabbed me by my waist and gave me a few swats hard and fast. Just when I thought I was gonna lose my mind from it, he tossed it to the side and pushed me to the ground.

The next thing I knew..the burning in my rear was nothing compared to the sensations he was causing in other areas......

So...the goal was to show him I could take a lot more then he's been dishing out. He told me that he can see that now and that he's not gonna stop just cos he hears a few whimpers out of me. So we'll see if this was a good or bad thing...for me. WEG

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Working on it

Here's the problem: I'm a control freak! Especially when it comes to money. I want to now where it's coming from, where it's going, and how much is allotted to each part of the budget. This has been a hot button issue with TJ and I. He's stayed out of the money and the budgets because we would only argue about it all. We tried once to have him do the bill paying and such but I was totally not having it. So we reverted back to me handling it all.

However, that was all pre-DD. This week I handed over the check book and the bills. I'm no longer in control of it. That's not to say I don't know how much there is, where it is, or how to get at it, but I'm not the one having the last say on it. I think it is important for everyone to know their financial status. Everyone should know where the money is kept, how much is there, and what's going on with debt and such. I still get to have my say but he makes the final decision.

It's been about 5 days since we changed over "power of the check book" and I'll be honest it's killing me!

We've tried doing the bills together, working 50/50 but just like in our relationship, it doesn't work for us. I don't like the way he handles it and he doesn't agree with my way, so someone has to have the last say and since he's the HOH I figured why not him? But it is not that easy. I know there are bills coming and things that are needed and now I worry: is he budgeting, did he take into account that the preschool bill is coming, did he write that check etc... Today was my first freak out. I had wanted to spend some money on one of the girls (a program at the local park district) and he was telling me that there just wasn't enough to cover the expense right now. I started to ask him about the money. Ok...not "ask" it was more "DEMAND TO KNOW RIGHT NOW" kind of questioning. He told me we'd go over it tonight when he got home from work but I just kept on him. Finally, he hung up on me.

After a few minutes I calmed myself down and called him back. I'm not really sure if there's going to be a "talk" this evening about it but we are going to "calmly" go over the money together. He's upset becuase "it hasn't even been a week yet and...." but I pointed out "I made it this long without freaking out....."

With DD there is so much more to it than spanking. Of course there's plenty of it, but there's more to it. This issue is going to take a lot of patience and a lot of communciation to resolve and come to conclusions that make us both happy. I'm going to have to give up control in an area that's hard for me, and he's going to have to step up to the plate in two ways. One: make responsible decisions that benefit our family in concerns to the family budget. Two: Keep me accountable for my lil freak outs and help me through this transistion period.

This is going to be a difficult thing for us both. But we have both agreed to this lifestyle, we have agreed to work on issues that are easy and hard for us. With both of us on board I don't see how we can fail....

Saturday, October 25, 2008

It's like he knows me!

Today I got home from work and was being a bit bratty. Not bitchy.. bratty. Yes, there's a difference. Bratty is when there's some flirtation along with the snoodiness. Bitchy is just being a bitch. I was being bratty. I wasn't being disrespectful...just teatering on that line, ya know calling him little names here and there in a joking fashion (flirting really). Anyhoo... He said something to me and I argued with him, we just didn't have the same point of view on the subject. I was safe until I called him a name apparently he took exception to. He apparently thought I had jumped over that line of "friendly banter" and ran smack into "disrespect country". Since the kiddies were downstairs and we were upstairs he was quick to turn me around and spank me. Not long, just about 6 swats or so, but they were hard and he was meaning. He was letting me know that enough was enough and to take a few steps back or I was going to be going into 'spanked thouroughlyville' real soon. After he let me go he started to walk down the stairs then whipped around and siad "What? What did you say?" and I backed up a step and said "Nothing.. I didn't---OOOUCH" and before I could finish he was giving me another swat or two.

"You didn't say it but you thought it and wanted to!" and off he went leaving me staring after him. Ok... he was completely right! The name that I had called him to get me the first round of swats was exactly what I was thinking as soon as he stopped swatting my behind. Kind of like sticking my tongue out at him inside my head. He totally knew it, and spanked! Ok, it wasn't a real spanking kind of spanking but still the man knew me well enough to know what I was doing. I just thought that was awesome...so here I am sharing it.

Now of course none of that situation really called for a full out punishment and we play/fight all the time. Friendly fire type of arguements, but sometimes I push the limit to see where that line is. Sometimes when we aren't careful what started out as a playful arguement ends up with a real fight with real names being called. So I have to say I'm glad that he nipped it in the bud right away.

Some days I just feel so loved by him!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Getting it under control

I love to cook. I enjoy making a meal that gets "oohs" and "ahhhs". It thrills me to my toes when the people who are eating the meal I've prepared enjoy it. And.. I love my family. So what better thing to do then to cook for a family dinner? My parents recently had an anniversarry and I volunteered to help do the cooking if my sister hosted the dinner. We picked a date and it was all set. I had to work the morning of the dinner, no problem. I realized once I was at work, that fateful Saturday, that I had forgotten to buy butter (an essential ingredient to my rue) so I had to make a pitstop on the way rushing home to start cooking my pasta dish. No problem.

When I got home I had exactly 1 hour to prepare the pasta dish, prepare my appetizer, get the kiddies dressed, pack a diaper bag, dress myself, and get all five of us into the van and on the road. Needless to say, I may have.. possibly.. now looking back at the situation..bit off a bit more then I could chew. (something TJ believes is a chronic illness of mine). My stress level was through the roof to say the least. TJ was able to get the kids all bathed and dressed while I did the cooking and he helped prepare the appitizer while I got myself dressed and packed the diaper bag. In the end we got into the car exactlly 2 hrs later. We were pulling out of my driveway at the exact time we were supposed to be pulling into my sister's driveway. And to top it all off.. after getting about a block away I realized I left the gift sitting on the counter...so I had to turn around and go back.

I will admit that I was being a complete jerk to everyone TJ and the kids. My stress level was in over drive, and I had completely lost control of my anxiety and my behaviour. I said horrible things, was cursing every which way, and was well...a bitch.

Regardless of the fact that this behavoir of course deserved punishment, what I'm addressing with this post is the fact the stress had gotten out of hand and therefore I got out of hand. I wish TJ had realized at the get go, when I got home and started dolling out orders, that I was gonna need some help to keep my head on straight. I wish he had taken control of the situation and gotten my attitude checked before it ran off all half cocked all over the house. In a perfect world I think TJ would have realized I had gotten myself into a bit of a situation and had spanked me before I started my cooking. Not a horrible spanking, just something to say "You bit off a bit more then you can handle.. now relax and let's get through this," kind of a spanking.

Failing that, when I really started going off a quick spanking and "Get yourself under control!" probably would have helped me get my stress back into the jar where it belonged. Now, I'm not faulting TJ for my horrid behavoiur. I was the one who decided to agree to cooking a dinner for 13 with only an hour between work and leaving the house. I was the one who chose to yell and scream at everyone. That was all me.

However, sometimes I get so out of control the only way to get me back is with a paddle in hand and a firm voice. The longer it takes for him to spank the more out of control I spin. It's like I lose my handle on myself and unless he reins me back in I may never get there.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The beginning of my journey

I wanted to take the opportunity to first introduce myself. My name is Measha and I'm married to a wonderful guy named TJ. We've been married for 10 years and have 3 beautiful children. We met in highschool and married shortly after I graduated. TJ joined the military and we were off to Europe for a 4 year tour.

During these years we grew up a lot. We became adults and in some ways we grew together and others we grew a part. I knew there was something I wanted out of our marriage out of our relationship that I wasn't getting, but I had no clue what it was. To say the least, our marriage was troubled. We fought constantly, almost always over who was in control. It was one big tug of war. I would fight for power and get angry when I won it. Then I stumbled across DD (domestic discipline) and it was the biggest eye opener I think I've ever had. It was exactly what I wanted. Me not be in control? Him the Head of the House? It sounded great!

Putting it into practice however was very hard. First I had to tell him what I had found. I had to ask my husband to spank me for being disrespectful, rude, etc. It took us a long time to find the right level of DD that fit our relationship. We jumped all over the place from nothing to what was basically BDSM, to S&M type relationship, back to simple DD, then to LDD. Needless to say it has been a very frusterating and hard journey to get where we are. It took us 8 yrs to find the right level of DD that is perfect for us. Now that we have found it, our marriage is blossoming.
We communicate so much better. I don't jump to insult when I'm hurt as much anymore. I say "as much" because I'm not perfect. I still do stupid things, say hurtful things and am disrespectful at times. I think I've gotten much better but it is still the number one thing we are working on. He has also grown into the HOH role. We aren't perfect, we don't have this whole DD thing down pat, but we are working on it. We have the same common goals now, and it has helped our relationship and our love for each other grow.

So there it is. That's me, at least a small part of me.