Wednesday, February 25, 2009

An example of why it's not abuse....

Lovely Pictures, Images and Photos

Some people who are outside of this world we spankos live in look in at us and cry abuse. Because a man "hitting" a woman is abuse... and to a degree I whole heartedly agree. If a man "hits" a woman (without her consent) then yes...he's an SOB and should be hung by his testicals and used as a pinata. HOwever, DD does not fall under that category for a few reasons.
1. Spanking is not "hitting".
2. The woman has consented (most of the time it's her idea) for the spanking.
3. It's done in a loving manner.

Case in point:
Last night I got a spanking. I had one the night before because TJ had thought I needed some stress relief. That spanking didn't go so well and TJ decided I needed more but instead of getting back over his lap I said "No. I dont' need a spanking I'm fine. I'm sorry...but I'm going to bed," and I walked upstairs. After a few minutes of berating myself for not doing what I was told to do and reminding myself of who was supposed to be the boss I headed back down. He then said "No, I'm going to take a shower." and that was that.

That brings us to last night. I proclaimed that I was "ready" and I closed all of the blinds for him. He went about trying to find an implement.
"How about your hand?" I offered with a smile.
"Yes, but I need something else, too" and he found a slotted spoon. Not comfortable with that implement I suggested he test it on his leg which he did. He shook his head and said "Thanks, that just won't do," and put it back (It wasn't strong enough apparently lol)

He finally came into hte livingroom and asked me to bend over, which I did without complaint. He did use his hand but then came this horrible sharp pain. The flexi ruler I just bought!!! I thought I had hidden it! The spanking went on. At one point I yelped and sat up leanign back on my heals. He hugged me, he was standing behind me. Then he asked me to get up. I thougth the spanking was over so I went to him to hug him again.

"Over the arm, please," he pointed to the arm of the couch. I kinda frowned but did what he said. He rubbed my bottom a bit then pulled my nightgown up. He continued to spank with that dreaded ruler. I was sobbing a little and he stopped a few times to rub my back and ask if I was ok.
"Yes, I'm ok," I nodded.
"Then why are you crying?"
"Because if I had just listened to you last night I wouldn't be here right now," I grumbled.
"That's true. But your learning. To think before you act or speak." and then he finished up. The whole thing was really touching. He stopped several times to rub my back (never my bottom or thighs...afterall they were taking the punishment) and kept verifying that I was ok.

If TJ was trying to "beat" me he wouldn't have been concerned at all about my well being during the spanking. He would have completely ignored me, but he didn't. I felt very loved and very cherished. At no point during the evening did I feel beneath him, lowered, or beaten emotionaly or physically.

Someone once said to me "So you prefer teh punitive instead of affection..." as a way to try to understand this whole DD thing. My reply was "No. The spanking is affection." And that is the best way I think I can describe it.

The hugs afterward my spanking were tender and when he took me up to bed he made it very clear that the punishement was over as he pulled my panties off and.....

Monday, February 23, 2009

Just surfing the web....

family guy spank Pictures, Images and Photos

I was spending the evening watching Family Guy with TJ while I was browsing the web and decided to look it up on photo bucket...and look what I found! Is there any corner of the world that spanking hasn't invaded or am I do I just have spanking on my mind so strongly that I gravitate to it? Either way I got a chuckle.
and then I found this...

Family Guy Spanking Pictures, Images and Photos

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

woman over a man's lap Pictures, Images and Photos

I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking over my original post and other topics related to it. I could not put my finger on what I really feel about DD...or why I have this need. I told myself a while ago that it didn't matter "why". That because it worked and made TJ and I happy it didn't matter "why". But after having the conversation that I had with the person who had brought all of this up... I had to revisit the "why".

I have no idea why. I mean I like to be spanked. Have thought about it since I could think. I used to watch Blue Hawaii every time it came on TV when I was a kid, then I taped it just so I could replay the spanking scene over and over again. If my parents thought it odd that I became an Elvis fan they didn't say but I'm sure they did. After all the King had been dead since before I was born!

So, I like spanking. Why not just keep it in the bedroom. After all, TJ and I dabble in D/s but only in the bedroom so why not DD too? I love the fact that TJ has the authority here in our home. I love the fact that he gets the final say. I absolutely do not believe there is such a thing as a 50/50 marriage. Someone has more say, even if they don't realize it. I love the feeling it gives me when he gets involved with my life in the way other men would just glance at.

Is it just that I love the extra attention? Sure but I don't think it's "extra" attention. I think in the beginning it was "extra" because before DD we were very much separated. He did his thing and I did mine. If he pissed me off I blew up and he'd retreat even further away from me and if I pissed him off he'd simply retreat again because who can fight with Super Bitch (that's what I was just take my word for it) So when we started out, then yes, it was extra.

But now, it's not extra attention that I crave. It's the kind of attention. If he's upset I want to know about it and I want to talk about it and I want to get my spanking and move on. If I'm upset I want to talk about it. The problem though...I don't talk when I'm upset..I yell, scream, call names... I'm MUCH better. But that's because DD has taught me to communicate better.

The spanking is not given in order for me to feel forgiveness. It was suggested that I don't believe TJ when he says he forgives my behavior and that's why I want the spanking. But that's not true. The forgiveness is there already. The argument is over. The spanking is simply how TJ and I reconnect. I think that after an argument or whatever both parties apologize and both forgive. But you still have some residual negative feeling about the ordeal, although you have forgiven each other. For us spanking is the way to get past the negative feelings and let the love back in full force.

Last night I didn't feel much like writing so I closed my computer as TJ walked into the kitchen. He asked what I was up to and said nothing and he closed the blinds. Dead give away. Then said since I wasn't busy we could "talk" and asked me to join him in the living room.

He first apologized that he had not spanked me in almost 4 days because I had earned a punishment spanking and he had forgotten to deal with it one night and then the next and the next. I assured him that I was just fine with it and not to worry. *WEG*

Then we started talking about all these things. He informed me that there was no way we were giving up DD just because someone who knew nothing about DD until I said the words didn't understand it. He said "So..because at some point we may not want or need this you are just going to scrap it now?"
Me: "Yeah..I mean would you waste time and money on a car you're about to junk? No."
Him: "This is not a waste of time. This is something that is a huge part of who you are,"
and then he asked me to lay over his lap. Which I did.

So, we actually had a wonderful conversation about why we like DD and what he thinks of it. He said that if spanking was the only way I could get past an argument or a wrong doing then it would be a problem but that if it was my preferred method, he saw no problems with it. Which I agree with. I'm sure that we could find a way to get past things without the spanking. And there are times when just a conversation is enough or all that I want (even if he disagrees at the time and still spanks) so spanking isn't the ONLY resolution..but it's the one I want and desire.

So as for the why? Because this is me. I have fantasized about spanking my entire life and now I have it. I get spanked and I get loved. Can there be love without the spanking..yup....but I wouldn't have as much fun I think!

He did end up spanking me. It was a wonderful spanking that I am going to say was totally not a punishment. We talked the whole time and even did a fair amount of laughing. By the end my bottom was a wonderful red and he was ready pursuits.. LOL

All I can suggest is ask him what DD means for him and believe what he says.
This was excellent advice and I didn't even really have to ask him...he brought it to me last night which meant a lot to me.

Simply Sweet: " I have tried many times to stop this feeling I have. But I always go back to it. We are who we are. Its not a feeling that you can just push out of your life. Its a lot deeper than that."
I have tried to push it away as well. It won't budge! LOL This is something that is in my make up of who I am.. and I have to remember that and tell myself it's ok to be me..cos I'm not so bad!

AG: "The love your Husband shows for you goes beyond whether or not DD or spanking sprang from him or not, he knows that it serves your relationship."
So very true. I am very lucky to have him and I tell him so almost daily... which is really going to his head LOL

As always thanks for letting me vent to you all! DD is not the easiest of relationships. It requires a lot of communication and dedication to each other. And even when it's going well sometimes I still need to throw my thoughts and ramblings out thank you very much!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Getting rid of the need?

Confused Pictures, Images and PhotosIt was suggested to me yesterday that perhaps there were other ways of fulfilling my need of intimacy that I get from a spanking in other ways. It was also suggested that TJ was only spanking me because it's something I need and not something that he wants. That he is willing to do it because he loves me but that he could go without it if my need went away.

So, to say the least, my day sucked yesterday. I went round and round in my mind thinking about TJ and how we came about DD and where we are with it. I'm still getting a headache with the thoughts and didn't sleep much last night, so bare with me please.

I asked TJ last night that if something happened and he found himself single again would he implement DD into his new relationships? Would it be something that he brought to the relationship. His answer was that it would depend on the woman and the circumstances. If he thought the relationship would benefit from it then yes he'd bring it up.

One of the many thoughts than hurdled through my head around 3 am is that maybe this person had been right, to a small degree. I mean TJ has never made any attempt at participating in any online comunity, even when I've asked and asked him to. He's never sought out a new implement, I've been the only one to bring them home. And he never even visits here. So all of these things led me to this conversation this morning.
Me: Ok, we are done
Him: Ok, pack your bags...what the hell are you talking about.
Me: DD...we're done.
Him: Uh, no
Me: Why not? I mean: ( and then I listed the above mentioned items)
Him: So?
Me: So I'm just something on your To-Do list and I dont want that
Him: You are not on my to do list... You're on my "Want to do list" (with a rub and pat to my bottom)
Me: This isnt' something that you want, just something you do.
Him: So you're just going to throw away all that we've worked for all these years to get to where we are?
Me: Yep
Him (laugh) You can stop if you want..but I'm not
Me: What does that mean?
Him: It means that you can think what you want... we aren't stopping.
Me: I just said-
Him: I know what you said..but I know you want this. We'll talk about it tonight after the kids are in bed.

So I feel abit more comforted but still the thought rolls through my mind...what if I could get rid of this need I have. And..what exactly is this need? What do I get out of Domestic Discipline. I mean TJ and I were doing sensual spanking before I brought up DD so why did it go to the next level? What does a spanking provide us?

These are questions I'm asking and pondering today... hopefully I'll get an answer together coherantly and I'll post back but if anyone out there wants to answer those for themselves please do!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Fealing Real

I told TJ the other night that sometimes this whole DD thing still doesn't feel real. That sometimes it still feels like we are "pretending" to be in a HOH relationship.

The reason I feel that way is because I don't really have to submit to anything, as of yet. I mean, yes, I have to carry my cell with me at all times and I have to keep the gas tank at least 1/4 full and there may be something small here or there. But over all there is nothing that I've had to really give over on. His reply was that there are some things coming our way that may fall into that category of "big" things. Although, he didn't get specific, he generalized that with the economy the way it is and things at work that he may be making some decisions for our family that I may not particularly agree with. I'm not overly worried about any of that, which I suppose is a good thing.

Usually I would freak out and demand details. But for now, I'm just letting him do what he needs to do and I'll wait until he lets me in on whatever it is he's thinking about until he's ready to.

I don't really know what needs to happen for this all to feel "real" to me. I mean it's real enough. The spankings are definately real. I'm REALLY getting spanking tonite. I know this but then there are occasions when I do something I think I should and he basically just shrugs.

For example. A friend is having a personal shopping party on a sunday in march. I'm working that Saturday. So for me to go to the party that means I will have not been home with our family for the whole weekend, and having left him to deal with the kids all weekend, alone. (Note: He's the worlds best father and never complains about being alone with the kids, but I know what a handful they can be...) So, I text him and ask if I can go. (Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?) Knowing that he's probably will say no, instead I get.
"I need to get a wife for the weekends" which his way of saying, go ahead but I don't like it.

When I talked to him later I said "You know you can just say no," and he went on about how with me working saturdays now and then I wouldn't be home all weekend and what about family on and so forth. "But if you really want to go....go," he said (GRRR)
"But you don't want me to"
"Well, you wouldn't be home all weekend, again,"
"Ok. I'm going to ask again. Can I go to the party..and you're answer...."
"Ok, fine. No. You can't go."
"Ok," and my heart warms....

So perhaps that's another reason it's not feeling very real. I would think that at this point I wouldnt' have to script it for him. Then again this is his journey as much as mine and he's still coming into his comfy zone of what he does and doesn't do as HOH.....

Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday Friday Friday!!!!

It's friday!!! Yeah!!! I could not be happier about it being Friday!!

The woman who I am covering for at work is returning to work on Monday!! Which means I go back down to my regular hours and will be home more and have more time to do the things I love to do! Yeahh!!!!!

So I'll be around a bit more until then.....

Here is the couple I had mentioned a few posts ago.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

No Take Backs

The other day I went on our online bank account to do some banking and realized that TJ hadn't paid the mortgage yet. Not a big deal, it wasn't late, it's just that it wasn't paid yet. I would normally have it paid by now but that's me. I say this now flip and calm but I must have had a bee in my bonnet that morning cos I grabbed my cell phone (which I now keep with me at all times!) and sent him a text: Are you planning on paying the mortgage anytime soon?
Then well let's just say don't text when you're upset, especial
ly when he isn't able to text back right away and his silence really only gets you more angry and then you really start to angry text.

He called me shortly after that and I asked him (more calmly) about the bill. He explained he was going to do the bills that evening and I said: "Oh, o
k. You can just ignore my texts then, just delete them, don't look at them" ( Yeah right!)

That night we had to have a "talk" about the situation. When he had informed me after dinner about what was going to come when the kids went to bed I declared it unfair since I told him NOT to read the texts and that if he did so then it was his own fault for getting upset. (which really...if you think about it...sounds kind of right)

The time for our "talk" came and as usual he turned the lights down (I don't get that but I've never asked either), closed all of the blinds (Because apparently the neighbors behind us can see through the kitchen wall and see us in the living room), and sat himself on the couch. He asked me why we were there.

"Because you read the text messages that I sent you even though I specifically asked you NOT to," I answered ( seemed pretty reasonable)

"What?" he asked with a surprised chuckle.

"I told you not to read them. It's not my fault you did anyway and got upset." I shrugged and he just stared at me with his tongue running along the inside of his lower lip (he does this when he's thinking about what to do to me)

"So you aren't taking any responsibility for your actions?" he asked pointedly (this should have been a hint...but again..I was sure I was right)

"Well, I did send the messages, but I also corrected it by telling you NOT to read them!"

"Ok," he said and stood up from the couch (Yeah!!) "Excuse me, I need to go get something." He gently pushed me aside, out of his way. "I wasn't planning on spanking you. I was going to let you off with a verbal warning..but since you won't even accept responsibility..." (OH NO!)

"Now, wait a second!" I said as he came back into the livingroom with that rubber spatula in hand

"Well, you said it was my fault," he shrugged when I tried to protest. "I was just going to explain that you have to think before you say things or text them, then you just went and proved my point."

"You should have told me I was off the hook, then I would have answered differently," I argued which made him raise his eyebrow (again...another hint that I ignored)

"What do you mean?"

"I would have told you what you wanted to hear....." and this is where I realized that I had dug myself a hole and was standing right in the middle of it. So, over the arm of the couch I went (Because he still won't put me over his lap after that last episode where I threw out his back with my wiggling...) and on went the spanking.

All in all it wasn't a horrible spanking, it actually was just right for the offense. I think. And afterwards we were upstairs going to bed and I said blantantly that I wanted sex. I had warned him earlier and now it was time. WEG He sighed, undressed, and got in bed. (he loves to act like its such a chore having a wife who is constantly in the mood...but he loves it!)

"You don't think it's strange to have sex right after you punished me?" I asked him once I was under the covers with him.

He was kissing my neck and replied "No, but I do find it strange to have sex when you're wearing your panties, take them off!" (cos I had left only them on LOL..)

So moral of the story:

1. You can't take back a text message.

2. Think before you act..because see #1

3. Panties are better left off when having sex!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Coupon Saturday!

I saw this tonight and it made me chuckle. I'm very big on saving every penny possible so I have been known to dig through my "coupon book" (which is a 3 ring binder full of coupons) while we are shopping. And Saturday nights are the nights I sit down with my coffee, my stack of coupon inserts, and my scissors. So, naturally, when I saw this I had to put on my blog!

I wonder if TJ will let me redeem it tonight? ...

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I am in the mood for a spanking today. is that for bluntness? LOL

Last night I was watching vids on the internet, cos what else would a spanko be doing at night when all was quiet and she was taking a break from her writing? I came across one that was absolutely the sweetest DD video yet. Of course the person who uploaded it doesn't allow embedding into websites so I couldn't post it for you like I had planned. So I'll just put the link to it here. (There are 4 parts to it) The guy in the video is firm in his spanking method (you can't hear the chatting too much) but very loving. The couple hugs and even kisses during the "changing of the implements" and I just thought it was a very loving discipline session (even if it's not real...I don't know if it was or not) So I thought I'd share it with you all.

Oh and I haven't forgotten about my new implement search! I almost have enough money saved up for THE STRAP.Or maybe the Tawse...