I love to cook. I enjoy making a meal that gets "oohs" and "ahhhs". It thrills me to my toes when the people who are eating the meal I've prepared enjoy it. And.. I love my family. So what better thing to do then to cook for a family dinner? My parents recently had an anniversarry and I volunteered to help do the cooking if my sister hosted the dinner. We picked a date and it was all set. I had to work the morning of the dinner, no problem. I realized once I was at work, that fateful Saturday, that I had forgotten to buy butter (an essential ingredient to my rue) so I had to make a pitstop on the way rushing home to start cooking my pasta dish. No problem.
When I got home I had exactly 1 hour to prepare the pasta dish, prepare my appetizer, get the kiddies dressed, pack a diaper bag, dress myself, and get all five of us into the van and on the road. Needless to say, I may have.. possibly.. now looking back at the situation..bit off a bit more then I could chew. (something TJ believes is a chronic illness of mine). My stress level was through the roof to say the least. TJ was able to get the kids all bathed and dressed while I did the cooking and he helped prepare the appitizer while I got myself dressed and packed the diaper bag. In the end we got into the car exactlly 2 hrs later. We were pulling out of my driveway at the exact time we were supposed to be pulling into my sister's driveway. And to top it all off.. after getting about a block away I realized I left the gift sitting on the counter...so I had to turn around and go back.
I will admit that I was being a complete jerk to everyone TJ and the kids. My stress level was in over drive, and I had completely lost control of my anxiety and my behaviour. I said horrible things, was cursing every which way, and was well...a bitch.
Regardless of the fact that this behavoir of course deserved punishment, what I'm addressing with this post is the fact the stress had gotten out of hand and therefore I got out of hand. I wish TJ had realized at the get go, when I got home and started dolling out orders, that I was gonna need some help to keep my head on straight. I wish he had taken control of the situation and gotten my attitude checked before it ran off all half cocked all over the house. In a perfect world I think TJ would have realized I had gotten myself into a bit of a situation and had spanked me before I started my cooking. Not a horrible spanking, just something to say "You bit off a bit more then you can handle.. now relax and let's get through this," kind of a spanking.
Failing that, when I really started going off a quick spanking and "Get yourself under control!" probably would have helped me get my stress back into the jar where it belonged. Now, I'm not faulting TJ for my horrid behavoiur. I was the one who decided to agree to cooking a dinner for 13 with only an hour between work and leaving the house. I was the one who chose to yell and scream at everyone. That was all me.
However, sometimes I get so out of control the only way to get me back is with a paddle in hand and a firm voice. The longer it takes for him to spank the more out of control I spin. It's like I lose my handle on myself and unless he reins me back in I may never get there.
1 comment:
great post. thank you so much for posting this honest stuff. i like hearing all the reasons that spanking helps you. my eyes are being opened to the possible ways that i can help my wife.
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