Friday, October 22, 2010

Still kickin

I have not posted in quite a while and that's not because everything has gone down the crapper. Well, not entirely anyway. I have been very busy with my two night classes and working more than I would like, so blogging hasn't really been an option.

Unfortunately, this also means I haven't had much time to be with TJ. Our typical night is me walking in around 8:30 or 9, after the kids are already in bed, and collapsing onto the couch. An hour of snuggle on the couch to watch tv and off to bed.

The rules have all crumbled. I forget once or twice to follow a rule and then it just dies away. Tj feels it's not fair to punish me when I'm so busy and he doesn't really fault me and I figure he doesn't care about it, so it just dies off. I'm not happy about it, and really miss the dynamic we had going, but I know it's because of the way our life is right now and there is a chance it will get better.

I also know that we could be living the dynamic we wanted right now if we would both try harder and put more effort into it, but it's just not happening right now.

I realized this morning that I haven't laid out TJ's clothes for him in weeks, and last night I was bratting him pretty badly. I didn't get a rise out of him, but I knew what I was doing and it made me angry at myself. I am just hoping that the next 8 weeks go quickly and I wont' be away from the house as much and I will be able to put much more effort into our relationship and to the family as a whole. TJ has become quite the Mr. Mom these past weeks and I feel a bit left out.

Anyway, just wanted to say i'm not lost, things are on the back burner a bit but it's not dead.