Saturday, October 25, 2008

It's like he knows me!

Today I got home from work and was being a bit bratty. Not bitchy.. bratty. Yes, there's a difference. Bratty is when there's some flirtation along with the snoodiness. Bitchy is just being a bitch. I was being bratty. I wasn't being disrespectful...just teatering on that line, ya know calling him little names here and there in a joking fashion (flirting really). Anyhoo... He said something to me and I argued with him, we just didn't have the same point of view on the subject. I was safe until I called him a name apparently he took exception to. He apparently thought I had jumped over that line of "friendly banter" and ran smack into "disrespect country". Since the kiddies were downstairs and we were upstairs he was quick to turn me around and spank me. Not long, just about 6 swats or so, but they were hard and he was meaning. He was letting me know that enough was enough and to take a few steps back or I was going to be going into 'spanked thouroughlyville' real soon. After he let me go he started to walk down the stairs then whipped around and siad "What? What did you say?" and I backed up a step and said "Nothing.. I didn't---OOOUCH" and before I could finish he was giving me another swat or two.

"You didn't say it but you thought it and wanted to!" and off he went leaving me staring after him. Ok... he was completely right! The name that I had called him to get me the first round of swats was exactly what I was thinking as soon as he stopped swatting my behind. Kind of like sticking my tongue out at him inside my head. He totally knew it, and spanked! Ok, it wasn't a real spanking kind of spanking but still the man knew me well enough to know what I was doing. I just thought that was here I am sharing it.

Now of course none of that situation really called for a full out punishment and we play/fight all the time. Friendly fire type of arguements, but sometimes I push the limit to see where that line is. Sometimes when we aren't careful what started out as a playful arguement ends up with a real fight with real names being called. So I have to say I'm glad that he nipped it in the bud right away.

Some days I just feel so loved by him!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Getting it under control

I love to cook. I enjoy making a meal that gets "oohs" and "ahhhs". It thrills me to my toes when the people who are eating the meal I've prepared enjoy it. And.. I love my family. So what better thing to do then to cook for a family dinner? My parents recently had an anniversarry and I volunteered to help do the cooking if my sister hosted the dinner. We picked a date and it was all set. I had to work the morning of the dinner, no problem. I realized once I was at work, that fateful Saturday, that I had forgotten to buy butter (an essential ingredient to my rue) so I had to make a pitstop on the way rushing home to start cooking my pasta dish. No problem.

When I got home I had exactly 1 hour to prepare the pasta dish, prepare my appetizer, get the kiddies dressed, pack a diaper bag, dress myself, and get all five of us into the van and on the road. Needless to say, I may have.. possibly.. now looking back at the situation..bit off a bit more then I could chew. (something TJ believes is a chronic illness of mine). My stress level was through the roof to say the least. TJ was able to get the kids all bathed and dressed while I did the cooking and he helped prepare the appitizer while I got myself dressed and packed the diaper bag. In the end we got into the car exactlly 2 hrs later. We were pulling out of my driveway at the exact time we were supposed to be pulling into my sister's driveway. And to top it all off.. after getting about a block away I realized I left the gift sitting on the I had to turn around and go back.

I will admit that I was being a complete jerk to everyone TJ and the kids. My stress level was in over drive, and I had completely lost control of my anxiety and my behaviour. I said horrible things, was cursing every which way, and was well...a bitch.

Regardless of the fact that this behavoir of course deserved punishment, what I'm addressing with this post is the fact the stress had gotten out of hand and therefore I got out of hand. I wish TJ had realized at the get go, when I got home and started dolling out orders, that I was gonna need some help to keep my head on straight. I wish he had taken control of the situation and gotten my attitude checked before it ran off all half cocked all over the house. In a perfect world I think TJ would have realized I had gotten myself into a bit of a situation and had spanked me before I started my cooking. Not a horrible spanking, just something to say "You bit off a bit more then you can handle.. now relax and let's get through this," kind of a spanking.

Failing that, when I really started going off a quick spanking and "Get yourself under control!" probably would have helped me get my stress back into the jar where it belonged. Now, I'm not faulting TJ for my horrid behavoiur. I was the one who decided to agree to cooking a dinner for 13 with only an hour between work and leaving the house. I was the one who chose to yell and scream at everyone. That was all me.

However, sometimes I get so out of control the only way to get me back is with a paddle in hand and a firm voice. The longer it takes for him to spank the more out of control I spin. It's like I lose my handle on myself and unless he reins me back in I may never get there.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The beginning of my journey

I wanted to take the opportunity to first introduce myself. My name is Measha and I'm married to a wonderful guy named TJ. We've been married for 10 years and have 3 beautiful children. We met in highschool and married shortly after I graduated. TJ joined the military and we were off to Europe for a 4 year tour.

During these years we grew up a lot. We became adults and in some ways we grew together and others we grew a part. I knew there was something I wanted out of our marriage out of our relationship that I wasn't getting, but I had no clue what it was. To say the least, our marriage was troubled. We fought constantly, almost always over who was in control. It was one big tug of war. I would fight for power and get angry when I won it. Then I stumbled across DD (domestic discipline) and it was the biggest eye opener I think I've ever had. It was exactly what I wanted. Me not be in control? Him the Head of the House? It sounded great!

Putting it into practice however was very hard. First I had to tell him what I had found. I had to ask my husband to spank me for being disrespectful, rude, etc. It took us a long time to find the right level of DD that fit our relationship. We jumped all over the place from nothing to what was basically BDSM, to S&M type relationship, back to simple DD, then to LDD. Needless to say it has been a very frusterating and hard journey to get where we are. It took us 8 yrs to find the right level of DD that is perfect for us. Now that we have found it, our marriage is blossoming.
We communicate so much better. I don't jump to insult when I'm hurt as much anymore. I say "as much" because I'm not perfect. I still do stupid things, say hurtful things and am disrespectful at times. I think I've gotten much better but it is still the number one thing we are working on. He has also grown into the HOH role. We aren't perfect, we don't have this whole DD thing down pat, but we are working on it. We have the same common goals now, and it has helped our relationship and our love for each other grow.

So there it is. That's me, at least a small part of me.