Yesterday I did something I normally don't do. I blantantly disobeyed TJ. It was completely premeditated disobedience.
It doesn't really matter what the situation was but I'll give a brief background to it. The girls asked if they could get a nail polish (since I was going to be getting one for myself) and TJ said NO. He was adamant about it and I just rolled my eyes at him. The girls just want to play dress up, no big deal, but to him it is/was and he said no. Well....I bought it anyway.
He was none too pleased, I will tell you that. Luckily for me I had a night out planned that gave him plenty of time to cool off. Which he did...but he did not forget.
Before I went to bed last night he told me to "pick something out for tonight...and I highly recommend nothing feather-like," I just stared at him and pretended confusion. "For your punishment..go."
I picked out the wooden paddle and a hair brush (for the warm up...) anyway... I sat in the living room waiting for him as instructed and he told me we were going to do something different.
I was in control of the spanking. I was to tell him what to use, how hard to use it and how long to use it. The only thing he was going to tell me was to bend over. (This was after the lecture on being obedient..and how I directly disobeyed him...)
I bent over the arm of the couch and he used the hairbrush and started out real soft and didn't go harder until I told him to. This continued through the entire spanking. He did "suggest" that perhaps I deserved more, at times. "Just the brush, you don't think you deserve that paddle?" and then we switched the paddle and same thing..soft and only increased when I asked him. At one point I needed to take a break for a second and he wouldn't start again until I asked him to.
He didn't let me go easy either, when he thought he'd spent enough time on one intensity he would ask "This is what you think you deserve for disobeying me?" and I knew that he didn't think so.. so I'd up the intensity. By the end of it my bottom stung plenty. (I could have gone much longer but I think he was getting tired...and the point had been made already no need for overkill)
The spanking was hard...just as hard as any other spanking but because I was in control of it I was able to take it with more grace then ever...isn't that odd? Usually that paddle has me jumping all over.. I did explain to him that I was trying to go soft - hard because if you jump to hard I can't stay still for anything in the world...so he did get that..but I don't know, it was odd. I could have literally taken a spanking 2 x as long at that strength but I won't be telling him that. (he'll really think I'm nuts) And it's not about the severity of the spanking I guess...more if the point has been made.
As some of you (or all of you) know, I write. I've put one story on the blog which you can find by clicking here. I want to share some of my writing with others out there and also have been looking for a way to play around with some ideas. So I created a second blog, Measha's Writings. This new blog will contain some full works of mine but also some "working" projects. I plan on using it as my writing journal but want to share it while I work on my projects.
Hope you check in a time or two..or more.
As far as my DD journey.... It's a journey to say the least. I do have a post in mind but I need to work it out in my mind first, and the situation hasn't been "resolved" yet...when it is I'm going to post about it, though.....
DD is such a rollercoaster at times! There are weeks where spankings are happening left and right, and if there not there is definately that "DD feeling" in the air. "DD feeling" to me is when I feel his dominance, I can feel that he is in charge and I have no doubt about that.
Then there are weeks where it all goes on the back burner because of the kids, work, illness, or just life in general, and that DD feeling starts to fade. That is what has been happening a little too often around here for me.
Last night I asked TJ for a spanking. I was in the mood, hadn't had one in a little while, and I think I was searching for that DD feeling. He was more then willing. It wasn't too hard, actually really soft. However, when it did start to have a bit more sting to it I rolled away and sat up (we were on the floor) He told me to "get back" and I said "No, there's no goal to it, what's the point," he just looked at me.
"Get back.......................because I told you to," and his voice wasn't harsh, it was stern but not harsh at all...actually it was almost caressing. I got back into position and when I said "Why bother," he replied with "Because I want to...and I think you need it," and on he went.
It didn't last very long after that and it didn't hurt at all. He asked me if I felt better and I shook my head. I tried to explain that it doesn't feel real anymore and he went on to explain that I've been working a lot and now that things are starting to get back to normal the "real" feeling will return.
I'm taking him at his word, and assuming he's right. Hoping he's right.....he's right....right?
Well...spanking is no different.
My last post talked about how I had giggled after the spanking. The day that followed I felt a bit bad for that. I realized that I hadn't giggled just cos the spanking "wasn't that bad," but because I hadn't taken the entire thing seriously. It was more of a "He thinks it's spankable so I'll go along with it," kind of thing. I didn't take what he was saying seriously. Admittedly, I completely disobeyed him by using a credit card he had told me never to use (since we had paid off the balance), but I just wasn't...well...sorry for it...even after the spanking. Until the next day, however.
Once I realized why exactly I had found the previous night's spanking a bit comical I regretted it. Not so much breaking that rule (Although, I do know it was wrong) but because I didn't take him seriously. So....I sent a text.
"Sorry about last night...think a do over is in order?"
"Sure...tonight"
Let me just say this...the "do over" is never as pleasant as the original. He went longer, harder, and used that obscene universal scraper. I didn't know my bottom could turn that shade of red!
Well, it finally happened...that spanking I was complaining about not getting. Actually...2 happened.
The first one I asked for point blank. "I need a long spanking....not so much hard as looong," his reply. "I can do that," and he did! I was thrilled...sore but thrilled!
The second one happened just last night, and it was NOT because I asked for one. It went fine, OTK (it's been a while since he let me lay over his lap), his hand and then his belt. Well, when he let me up I kinda smiled weird and when he asked me why I was smiling..I giggled!
He kept asking me what I thought was so funny and of course I wouldn't tell him and so over his knee I went again until I told him. "Ok OK!" and he let me up. "Don't get mad...it's just..well-"
"It didn't hurt, did it?" He accused me.
"No, it did..but well...I stood up and I thought to myself 'that wasn't so bad,'." and I smiled nervously. He just tossed the belt onto the chair, sighed and told me to get to bed. I tried to explain that I wasn't laughing at him but rather was just giggling at myself and then he had made me nervous by demanding an answer.
I think I may have hurt his feelings, and really...the spanking was actually rather good....just....not long enough for a punishment? I don't know. He said that I sounded like it was really hurting. Which I was..but really just a few second break was needed not to stop completely. I tried to explain this to him and I think he got it, but I also think I completely insulted him... so...I think it may be a bit before I get another spanking... *sigh*
Things are....well...wierd here. There has been no spanking in almost two weeks. I've asked..but haven't recieved any, and I haven't really been angry about it, but I do miss it. I have no idea what's going on.
We aren't fighting, we aren't angry, we seem to be "normal" but there's no spanking or even the threat of a spanking looming. I think DD is in hibernation or something. There aren't even any "looks" lately. I want to be submissive to him, and his authority, but if there's nothing to be submissive to..then what?
I don't know... I just don't know....
