Double Standards

A discussion on a msg board that I frequent brought this to my mind. Double standards within a DD relationship. My brain says "Well...duh" DD in itself is a double standard. When I act out or do something damaging to myself or our relationship I get spanked. If TJ does something reckless or hurtful he does NOT get a spanking..what better example of a double standard?

We could do the exact same wrong thing and I will get my butt tanned and he won't. That's not to say that he CAN do wrong things all the time. He lives by the same rules he sets because he's an honorable loving husband. If he breaks one (which...really I don't think he really has...) then an apology is given and all is well with the world again (in a perfect world...sometimes there's a yelling match from me and then a spanking..but I'm digressing)

When I asked for DD I didn't ask to be equal. Let me explain this. I AM equally smart. I am equally capable of making rational logical decisions. I am completely equal in the humanity department and rights to love happiness security and all that. I am worth everything he is worth. BUTT, I do NOT have an equal say when it comes to finial decisions.

That IS DD. We discuss the issue (cos I'm just as smart and have a few things I can always add to a conversation) but HE has the final say. There is no vote and majority rule here in our house...or really any DD house I would think.

You can't have DD with an equal partner. 50/50 doesn't work with DD, in my humble opinion. If we have a disagreement about what to do about something and we are 50/50 then the disagreement continues until one of us caves. But we don't have 50/50 we have DD. With DD we can disagree...I give my opinion he gives his and if we can't agree or come to a compromise then his decision is it. (And it's not always his way that he goes..sometimes he'll even go over to my way.)

This goes all the time. You (and I mean me) can't chose when he's HOH and when he's not. How could I expect TJ to be HOH if there are conditions and stipulations?

"You're in charge,"
"Great, thanks. Now about that little tiff you had last night at the party you can't go around smacking people in the head...even if they did deserve it..."
"OH. I'm sorry.. you're in charge...but not of that....I'll decide when to put myself in danger and when not to, thank you very much."

That just doesn't seem right to me. So yes, DD is chalked full of double standards. So what?

Something fun ....

I have found a cure for the spanking drought here in my world!!! YIPPPEEE!!!

I received two spankings in the last two days.. one was for hanging up on TJ. ( A no no that I did mostly because I was looking for attention from him..) Last night was just because I felt like I needed one and he he felt I could benefit from one....

This morning I was driving to work and I was thinking about how we had gone so long without spanking that my screwing up was inevitable mostly because I do have trouble just asking for a spanking. Sometimes I convince myself that if I ask for it then it's not real....better to earn it. Which of course is a backwards way of thinking of it but that's my logic sometimes. So, I have come up with a plan and TJ has agreed to it.

We are going to put the names of all of our implements (Well, the one's he picks) into a hat and each week we/he will pick one out and that will be the implement for the night and that night I will receive a "reminder' spanking. There are a few reasons I thought of this.

• I need a reminder now and then to keep my head on straight. Nothing seriously serious but just kind of a re-connect that let's me keep focused on our DD without acting out.
  
• It's fun and we can use some fun in our lives
• It will most likely lead to...er...well.... more fun...upstairs WEG...and we could all use a little more ..er...fun in our lives WEG
• It will give him an idea of what implements are his favorite/my favorite and what should/could be used for punishments and/or fun time.
  

Of course I will be letting you know how it's going. I'm a little excited about it becuase he agreed to it so easily I think he's been missing having the spanking around just as much as I have!

Still hanging around

It has been just a horrible week! All three kids have been sick and have been more then generous with the germs as now TJ and I are ill as well. I have seen more doctors offices in the last few days then I wish to remember. Thankfully, nothing serious was wrong with any of them and a few days on antibodics should clear up a few of their ailments.

And on top of all of it...again no spankings to report. I think after TJ's little blunder he is "spank-shy". We will have to weather the storm of his slight decline of confidence and get things back to where they were. Being sick, obviously isn't helping matters, either.

I was thinking this morning that I should have enough money for a new implement next month... but now that I've scraped up the money I'm feeling frugal and unsure if I want to spend it on a new paddle or STRAP that I'm more then likely going to hate. (cos they just look dreadful) Oh..well... Did I mention that I bought a flex ruler thing a little while ago?

It's basically a rubber ruler (bought at walmart) it looks absolutely harmless....it is NOT.

Mine is red and is now safely hidden between the mattresses of our bed. I can post that because TJ never goes on here to see what I'm up to. (Did that sound rebellious?) And while I'm talking about our matresses....do you know what else I found hidden there? Another paddle that apparently I wanted to hide and have completely forgotten about. I think it was some sort of game paddle or something,
it's huge
and its round,
and it's hidden never to be found!

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know I'm still here...just mostly in limbo!

It's messy

There is a power given to the man when he is given HOH status. I say "given" because it's something that the wife (me in our case lol) has consented to. As a mature, intelligent, adult I can surely say "Nope...not gonna follow your lead," and most men (even TJ at some point) would say "ok" and the couple would move along. But I'm totally digressing from my subject..

The power a husband is given when he is the HOH is that he ultimately has the last say. This power, however, does NOT mean that the HOH gets to have his way each and every time simply because he deems it so. Nor does the HOH get to make huge decisions while keeping his wife in the dark. Doing these things can and will damage the trust the wife has for her husband.

TJ has broken one of these rules. I don't say this to make him look bad. He's a great man but he just simply screwed up big time this one time. He made a pretty big decision without talking to me... or even telling me afterward. I found out on my own and when I found out (quite by accident, too) he even tried to deny it.

He claims that I have been under a lot of stress and he saw that I wasn't handling things well. Meaning I was crabby, stressed out and just plain tuckered out. He didn't want to worry me or to start a fight with me. Basically....what I got out the conversation was that he knew I would disagree and he didn't feel like dealing with me. So he just took matters into his own hands.

Now... I love that he was able to make a decision and he stands firm on it. Great. But I was never given the opportunity to give my opinion (I do have intelligent thoughts now and again) nor was I allowed to show him that I could submit to his decision even if I disagreed.

When this all first transpired I was just kind of taken aback. Then I was hurt and sad. Now..I'm flipping ANGRY.

I know he was trying to protect me. I know that he did what he really thought was best for our family. But to do this while keeping me in the dark... it goes against what DD is..in my opinion.

We will get through this. It's a little step back, obviously, but we will get through it. I'm not posting this to show his faults...but rather because I guess I wanted to show that HOH's aren't always right. They screw up, too. But that doesn't mean DD has end...even though you're angry enough to say that...

Isn't it supposed to get easier?

Like I mentioned before TJ and I were going through a bit of

a dry spell...where spanking was related. The drought ended last night, however.

It wasn't too much of a spanking and I did have to resort to putting out a sign. I put the paddle on his computer chair with a note that read "Do you remember how to use this?" He saw it as a challenge...and he accepted the challenge. I didn't mean it as such but after we talked I can see how he could take it that way.

Later, as I laid in our bed thinking (for a only a few minutes cos really after a spanking I knock right out usually) that after all of these years why do I find submitting to him so hard? Lately, I've been feeling things like "who the hell is he to say yes or no" or "He should just do what I say" and a few times "He's not going to do it my way...I'll handle it before he does.."
As if I thought because he wasn't spanking I was off the hook for obeying?

This brought about something he said a little while ago when I tried pulling DD off the table because I was a snit about something. He said that I didn't respect him when he wasn't spanking me. Which made me think....can I respect him without DD..

Shouldn't I? I didn't before...why?

Here's what I came up with last night. I do respect a man who takes charge when taking charge is warranted. TJ never did that. He would let me walk all over him and would just ignore the signs that something was wrong with our marriage. So no, I did not respect him. The more dominant he allowed me to be in our marriage the less respect I had for him and showed him. But, does this mean he has to spank me in order for me to feel his dominance?

After getting all pissy for not getting spanked in 12 days..I'm doubting myself. Is this all about the spanking for me even though I've convinced myself it isn't? Can I be submissive without the fear of a punishement? Do I really want to be submissive to him or do I just want the spankings? Hmmm...

I'm now in a holding pattern of thoughts...

A bit of a dry spell

Things have been rather boring around here lately. There has been absolutely no spanking going on ( unless you count the three playfull swats TJ gave me this morning when I mentioned our little "spell" to him.)

I've been working really hard on getting a collection of erotic stories together for publication at lulu. I'm hoping to have it on there within the week and I can relax a bit more. There are a few other writing projects I have on the back burner that I need to get to as well, one of which is a collection of DD stories and a romance novel that of course has plenty of spanking in it.

This past week I've been a bit more withdrawn from TJ. I worked two nights this week so that left us with very little alone time and what we did have was spent in different rooms of the house. No, we aren't fighting, just not connecting very well at the moment. I know he loves me and we will be just fine once we settle into my new work schedule but in the meantime I think I will have to just suck it up and wear a sign that reads: