It's messy

There is a power given to the man when he is given HOH status. I say "given" because it's something that the wife (me in our case lol) has consented to. As a mature, intelligent, adult I can surely say "Nope...not gonna follow your lead," and most men (even TJ at some point) would say "ok" and the couple would move along. But I'm totally digressing from my subject..

The power a husband is given when he is the HOH is that he ultimately has the last say. This power, however, does NOT mean that the HOH gets to have his way each and every time simply because he deems it so. Nor does the HOH get to make huge decisions while keeping his wife in the dark. Doing these things can and will damage the trust the wife has for her husband.

TJ has broken one of these rules. I don't say this to make him look bad. He's a great man but he just simply screwed up big time this one time. He made a pretty big decision without talking to me... or even telling me afterward. I found out on my own and when I found out (quite by accident, too) he even tried to deny it.

He claims that I have been under a lot of stress and he saw that I wasn't handling things well. Meaning I was crabby, stressed out and just plain tuckered out. He didn't want to worry me or to start a fight with me. Basically....what I got out the conversation was that he knew I would disagree and he didn't feel like dealing with me. So he just took matters into his own hands.

Now... I love that he was able to make a decision and he stands firm on it. Great. But I was never given the opportunity to give my opinion (I do have intelligent thoughts now and again) nor was I allowed to show him that I could submit to his decision even if I disagreed.

When this all first transpired I was just kind of taken aback. Then I was hurt and sad. Now..I'm flipping ANGRY.

I know he was trying to protect me. I know that he did what he really thought was best for our family. But to do this while keeping me in the dark... it goes against what DD is..in my opinion.

We will get through this. It's a little step back, obviously, but we will get through it. I'm not posting this to show his faults...but rather because I guess I wanted to show that HOH's aren't always right. They screw up, too. But that doesn't mean DD has end...even though you're angry enough to say that...