Well...spanking is no different.
My last post talked about how I had giggled after the spanking. The day that followed I felt a bit bad for that. I realized that I hadn't giggled just cos the spanking "wasn't that bad," but because I hadn't taken the entire thing seriously. It was more of a "He thinks it's spankable so I'll go along with it," kind of thing. I didn't take what he was saying seriously. Admittedly, I completely disobeyed him by using a credit card he had told me never to use (since we had paid off the balance), but I just wasn't...well...sorry for it...even after the spanking. Until the next day, however.
Once I realized why exactly I had found the previous night's spanking a bit comical I regretted it. Not so much breaking that rule (Although, I do know it was wrong) but because I didn't take him seriously. So....I sent a text.
"Sorry about last night...think a do over is in order?"
"Sure...tonight"
Let me just say this...the "do over" is never as pleasant as the original. He went longer, harder, and used that obscene universal scraper. I didn't know my bottom could turn that shade of red!
Well, it finally happened...that spanking I was complaining about not getting. Actually...2 happened.
The first one I asked for point blank. "I need a long spanking....not so much hard as looong," his reply. "I can do that," and he did! I was thrilled...sore but thrilled!
The second one happened just last night, and it was NOT because I asked for one. It went fine, OTK (it's been a while since he let me lay over his lap), his hand and then his belt. Well, when he let me up I kinda smiled weird and when he asked me why I was smiling..I giggled!
He kept asking me what I thought was so funny and of course I wouldn't tell him and so over his knee I went again until I told him. "Ok OK!" and he let me up. "Don't get mad...it's just..well-"
"It didn't hurt, did it?" He accused me.
"No, it did..but well...I stood up and I thought to myself 'that wasn't so bad,'." and I smiled nervously. He just tossed the belt onto the chair, sighed and told me to get to bed. I tried to explain that I wasn't laughing at him but rather was just giggling at myself and then he had made me nervous by demanding an answer.
I think I may have hurt his feelings, and really...the spanking was actually rather good....just....not long enough for a punishment? I don't know. He said that I sounded like it was really hurting. Which I was..but really just a few second break was needed not to stop completely. I tried to explain this to him and I think he got it, but I also think I completely insulted him... so...I think it may be a bit before I get another spanking... *sigh*
Things are....well...wierd here. There has been no spanking in almost two weeks. I've asked..but haven't recieved any, and I haven't really been angry about it, but I do miss it. I have no idea what's going on.
We aren't fighting, we aren't angry, we seem to be "normal" but there's no spanking or even the threat of a spanking looming. I think DD is in hibernation or something. There aren't even any "looks" lately. I want to be submissive to him, and his authority, but if there's nothing to be submissive to..then what?
I don't know... I just don't know....
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On a more serious note....
To all of those who have served in our military either currently or past. I give you my thank you. I am aware that my words are paltry compared to the extensive sacrifice you have made for your country and that it may be "cheesey" to simply say "thank you," but none the less. I am very grateful for the sacrifices you and your family have made for us all. TJ was in the military at the beginning of our marriage, and had been deployed during his tour. Although, our sacrifice was only for a short time I do understand the strength that is needed to endure.
I thank you for your courage, your loyalty, and your strength. I may not agree with our government on many things, however, I will always support our troops. For without them our freedom would fall limp and wither away. So to those who have served and are currently serving I give you my heartfelt appreciation.
I would like to also take this time to mention a new "charity" (for lack of a better word) that I have come across. Donors Choose is a website where you can donate money to whichever branch of the military that you wish. The classroom projects on the pages below benefit public school students with parents in the military. Give what you can to help these students thrive in the classroom! I encourage all of us to not simply say that we support our troops...but actually do it.
Happy Memorial Day!!
I have a spanking coming tonight....I think...because I accidentally forgot to return a DVD to the library which has now accrued about $16 of late fees. I'm absolutely horrible about returning things on time and when I had started to borrow movies from the library TJ made it clear they were to be on time every time. But I'm completely digressing.... back to my thinking..
So...I was thinking. TJ has been doing a lot of spanking with me bent over the arm of the couch. I don't really care for that because it's a bit more impersonal then I would like. I want to feel him, his thighs beneath my stomach, his hand laying gently on the small of my back. A connection of sorts. So, I was contemplating this and thinking about what I think a thorough spanking/punishment would be...in the perfect world.
First, the announcement that the time has come. "Turn the TV off, make sure the room is picked up," while he does his ritual of closing all of the blinds and turning down the lights.
Second, setting mind set. This is really important, at least for me, if he just starts spanking away and my mind isn't "there" then it's really a waste of time for both of us for a few reasons. 1. I'm gonna say whatever I think he wants to hear in order for the spanking to end weither I mean it or not. and/or 2. I'm just going to get pissed about the whole thing instead of dealing with the issue at hand. and/or 3. I will have no real idea what he's really spanking for.
Idealy I picture: Him sitting on the couch and he has me standing in front of him (or standing in the corner while he talks to me..) .. he tells me straight out what he's upset about and why I'm going to be punished.
Thirdly, a warm up. I dont' mean a few strokes of an implement. I mean a full warm up. Of course talking is welcomed at this point because I don't want to feel isolated and alone...that doesn't really convey a loving spanking experience (even though it's discipline...it is still part of loving)
Depending on how long the spanking is...perhaps a small break to gather my thoughts. But I think before the finale (let's face it...spankings really are a play with 3 acts...) a break would be good to re-iterate what has happened, how it's going to change, and what I've learned..this could just be a few second interlude or a few minutes in the corner...and then the finale. (which really sucks cos he's really harsh at the end)
Afterwards, love. Sometimes, I'm not ready for hugs and kisses. Sometimes I'm a bit stiff and bent out of shape at myself and need a few minutes to myself before I can let him hug me. I think in those instances...a few minutes of corner time or just sitting alone might help me get myself together and let him give me the hugs and kisses I need.
...so that's what I was thinking about today while I was running around like a crazy woman at work....and they kept asking how I could be smiling amidst all the craziness of the day... WEG.
I hope all of you Mommy's out there have a wonderful day! And that each of you out there in spanko land get a nice long spanking today!
Not sure if there will be one around here today. But as a co-worker keeps reminding me "Hope is eternal".
I would like to say that what has kept me away for this long was something utterly important and life altering.... but I can't.
I simply have been too tired, stressed, and feeling uncreative to post something. I'm not feeling very creative today either but I've decided that I should give it a shot.
Yesterday, TJ and I had about three hours where we only had the baby. I was in a tissy about who knows what and well... I got myself into some trouble by throwing something at TJ. He was quick to grab a wooden spoon and give me a quick hard spanking in the hallway (out of the eyesight of the baby) Although the spanking was well deserved and he completely controlled himself even though he was really pissed at me, at the end he simply tossed the spoon to the side and walked away from me. I stayed put against the wall, not really sure if it was over or not (and I was having myself a good cry). About five minutes later he realized I had stayed there and he released me.
Other then that...nothing has been real exciting around here. Tonight is supposed to be maintance night...but we will see.
