Goals during sex.

The other night TJ was feeling frisky, and me being the obedient wife that I am, would never say no. Ok, that was supposed to be sarcastic, but it is true. I have only told him "no" for sex one time in our marriage. It's not that I'm always in the mood, well...ok...if I'm not at the beginning I can get there pretty quick...but that's not the real reason I don't say "no".

I don't turn him down because I don't have a good reason to. I mean it's fun, it's intimate, it isn't exactly hard work... there really is no good reason...well..ok..illness would be a good reason but not a "headache" reason, I mean like an actual illness. In which case he wouldn't ask for it anyway. I'm digressing again...

So back to the other night. TJ gets into bed, but suddenly remembers something and has to hop back out to handle whatever it was. As he ducked out of the bedroom he said "Don't go to sleep, I'll be back in 5 minutes. I have plans for you," So..I didn't fall asleep and his plans...well..he had sex on the brain.

Towards the end I let him know that I was where near "the end" and he didn't have to wait for me. (Sexy talk..I know) He asked me if I wanted him to 'use me' to which I answered in the affirmative...he needed no further encouragement.

Afterwards, when we where laying in bed, I asked him if he thought it was odd that I could get just as much satisfaction without having an orgasm as I did having one. I don't remember his exact words but basically he said that it depended on what you were looking to get out of sex.

I enjoy sex with TJ because I love him, it's something I only do with him, it's an expression of our passion for each other, and there's the physical fun stuff too! I don't need to orgasm (Although, I do not like it when he forbids me to) in order to enjoy the activity as long as he enjoyed himself. The ending is really just the icing on the cake, I still enjoy the cake even if I don't get to east the frosting. Does this make any sense to anyone other than me?

I'm not saying I don't love the ending I do, and TJ loves when I get there. But it's not an essential part of the equation for me. I want to please him, and if I do that than I am pleased. If I orgasm, even more of a smile will cross his lips (Unless he's being mean and won't let me...which really isn't very often).

I don't want to give the impression that he doesn't care if I finish or not...he does. He doesn't withold them from me unless he has a reason, generally he wants me to. It has taken a long time to get him to understand that even though I love to "finish" it's not always the "goal" for me. The goal is to please him, and in doing so, I will please myself....and if I only wanted the "goal"...I'd just please myself anyway WEG.

I've not talked about sex really on here that much, but I just wanted to work it out in my head. I've always loved sex and I always will...and sometimes I think I'm the only woman in the world who thinks it's just fine not to orgasm.

A friend at work complains that her husband is always bugging her for sex. She says she feels bad because the man has to beg and plead for her to let him have sex with her, and eventually she gives in. When I asked her what the big deal was, just have sex, it's not like it's going to take hours upon hours, just give him some, she responds with "I'm so tired," or "I don't feel like it". When I suggested she just give it up for him and not require a finish line for herself she gave me the oddest look.

I don't make that suggestion anymore in public.