Another day and another dollar..

Ok, fine...I give up. I can not simply ignore this part of me. I know it's only been a few days, but I can't fathom just leaving it all behind and never looking back at it. So. That said. I think this blog is going to change a bit. I think it's going to become more about me and less about "TJ and me". At least, that's my intent.

I am going to start thinking about my submission and less about his domination. Yes. That sounds like a good idea. I have a feeling that if I truly submit, if I give it my all even when I think he's not watching...he'll start watching.

I know..I know...I shot down that theory in my last post..but hey, i've changed my mind (again!). This afternoon I was cooking (An awesome dinner of schnitzel and spatzel) and with the flour starting to fly I rembered TJ telling me long ago that I should wear my apron when I'm cooking. I can not tell you how many shirts I have ruined by not doing so. I instantly went and grabbed the apron that hangs in the laundry room. TJ was really happy to see me wearing it when he came in from the back yard. He commented on how much he loved to see me wearing it...so I shall be wearing it each time I cook....just cos he likes it. I know..big deal..but to me it's a small step in the right direction.

I tried really hard today to be in a submissive mind frame; however, the five trips to the grocery store and several easter things to do got to the better of me. I started to snap and at one point TJ marched over to me and swatted my backside hard. I quieted down a bit and said "I'm having a bad day," and he agreed. A few minutes later he said we'd be having a "refresher" this evening.

I commented that I thought we weren't doing "That" anymore. He laughed and asked where I got a crazy idea like that. I said "Well, I told you...I said a few days ago.." and he laughed harder.

"We are still doing that. You don't get to just turn it off," and he walked out still smiling to himself. So, who knows what will transpire. I'm not really even caring if it actually happens, just that he said that was enough to calm me down and get my head back on straight. And, if he actually does remember...I'll take what he dishes out with as much grace as I can muster. Should he forget...well...I'll just go to bed and hope tomorrow is a better day.

No more giving up. No more pretending like I can just flip a switch and ignore a side of me that isn't going to go away. No more!



On a fun note. libby over at a submissive's musings was kind enough to bestow upon me a beautiful blogger award. Thank you libby, you have been more help to me than you may know. I believe I am now supposed to pass it on to three more bloggers. So here they are.

Katia, because she is such a warm and wonderful person that you can't help but become friends with her. She is a talented writer as well as a good friend.

Hermoine, because her blog just gives me the smiles I need on the days I need them the most.

Poppy, because I admire her writing very much. I hope one day to have one drop of the talent that she has, and what she has to say is just as wonderful as the way she says it!

Well there ya go... Now....I'm off to finish making the easter cake and then who knows...