Goals during sex.

The other night TJ was feeling frisky, and me being the obedient wife that I am, would never say no. Ok, that was supposed to be sarcastic, but it is true. I have only told him "no" for sex one time in our marriage. It's not that I'm always in the mood, well...ok...if I'm not at the beginning I can get there pretty quick...but that's not the real reason I don't say "no".

I don't turn him down because I don't have a good reason to. I mean it's fun, it's intimate, it isn't exactly hard work... there really is no good reason...well..ok..illness would be a good reason but not a "headache" reason, I mean like an actual illness. In which case he wouldn't ask for it anyway. I'm digressing again...

So back to the other night. TJ gets into bed, but suddenly remembers something and has to hop back out to handle whatever it was. As he ducked out of the bedroom he said "Don't go to sleep, I'll be back in 5 minutes. I have plans for you," So..I didn't fall asleep and his plans...well..he had sex on the brain.

Towards the end I let him know that I was where near "the end" and he didn't have to wait for me. (Sexy talk..I know) He asked me if I wanted him to 'use me' to which I answered in the affirmative...he needed no further encouragement.

Afterwards, when we where laying in bed, I asked him if he thought it was odd that I could get just as much satisfaction without having an orgasm as I did having one. I don't remember his exact words but basically he said that it depended on what you were looking to get out of sex.

I enjoy sex with TJ because I love him, it's something I only do with him, it's an expression of our passion for each other, and there's the physical fun stuff too! I don't need to orgasm (Although, I do not like it when he forbids me to) in order to enjoy the activity as long as he enjoyed himself. The ending is really just the icing on the cake, I still enjoy the cake even if I don't get to east the frosting. Does this make any sense to anyone other than me?

I'm not saying I don't love the ending I do, and TJ loves when I get there. But it's not an essential part of the equation for me. I want to please him, and if I do that than I am pleased. If I orgasm, even more of a smile will cross his lips (Unless he's being mean and won't let me...which really isn't very often).

I don't want to give the impression that he doesn't care if I finish or not...he does. He doesn't withold them from me unless he has a reason, generally he wants me to. It has taken a long time to get him to understand that even though I love to "finish" it's not always the "goal" for me. The goal is to please him, and in doing so, I will please myself....and if I only wanted the "goal"...I'd just please myself anyway WEG.

I've not talked about sex really on here that much, but I just wanted to work it out in my head. I've always loved sex and I always will...and sometimes I think I'm the only woman in the world who thinks it's just fine not to orgasm.

A friend at work complains that her husband is always bugging her for sex. She says she feels bad because the man has to beg and plead for her to let him have sex with her, and eventually she gives in. When I asked her what the big deal was, just have sex, it's not like it's going to take hours upon hours, just give him some, she responds with "I'm so tired," or "I don't feel like it". When I suggested she just give it up for him and not require a finish line for herself she gave me the oddest look.

I don't make that suggestion anymore in public.

Anger Managment

Something I've noticed about submission, perhaps not in general but where it pertains to me: I have a horrible time doing it when I'm mad.

If TJ and I are having a spat or if he has simply upset me I find it very difficult to be obedient - at the very least to be so with a warm heart. I know that I should still obey all of the rules and expectations. My head is fully aware that just because I'm mad that it doesn't mean that the rules vanish or that I'm not expected to follow them; but it's hard.

The other night TJ had gotten me upset- I have no idea why now...I'm sure it was something worth being upset over, though- and I wanted nothing more than to eat all of the Halloween candy sitting on the counter (which isn't allowed without asking but I was mad...see what I'm getting at here?)

It's as if since he has done something to upset me that he no longer has authority... like it voids his HOHness because he has made a mistake. Which is not the way this is supposed to work.. the HOH title can't be conditional.

I'll obey you...just so long as you do everything I say.... Now isn't that a backwards thought or what?

I'm not proud of this way of thinking or the way I behave when he's upset me but in the moment I feel as though I'm right and he has no right telling me what to do.

Ok...let's take that candy example. He made me mad (I wish I could remember why...I know it was justified...I'm sure of it!) and when you are mad at someone how are you supposed to go up to them and ask "Can I please have a piece of candy?"

And...if I had been able to muster up the words and asked for it and he had said no (Which i'm sure he would have because he's getting a lot more use out of that word lately then he has any right to) could I have obeyed his decision?

It's messy. I know that being submissive is being submissive angry, pissy, mad, or happy doesn't matter-right? I don't think so. At least not for me.

TJ says that it's when I'm mad that it's the most important time for me to be obedient. I'm not sure why exactly...I suppose to keep my mind focused. (I'm sure he told me ...but I've been in a pissy mood this week and probably wasn't listening.)

I've read blogs where the wife/woman goes through "training sessions"...I wonder if this is something they work on.. submitting for the sake of submitting?

When I get upset and if I don't obey the rules I always feel worse for it... I am my greatest enemy...it would seem...

Submissive Picture

I was doing a search for "submissive" images on google this afternoon so that I could get a "muse" for a short fiction for the team blog I'm now a part of (Erotic Flash Fiction) and I came across this picture. I was completely mesmerized by it. So much so that I just stared at it for at least 2 minutes.

To me it just screams love and dominance. Look at the way he's gripping her hair, the way she's pressed into his belly. I can almost smell his skin, feel the gruffness of his hold on her. The wedding ring displayed on his free hand catches my eye as well. I don't know if it's because I've been having a rough week this week or if it's cos my hormones are raging or what but I could really go for being held in such a way today.

9/3/09: Update..if you want to see what I came up with go here. Thanks!