The other day TJ found out that I had forgotten my cell phone, again, while I had been out. He declared that a spanking would happen that night and the day carried on as planned. The spanking he had planned had arrived and I was standing before him, as I always do, as he listed my wrongdoing and began to ask the usual questions. I, however, was giggling a bit and was really trying to get out of the spanking. In all honesty, I just plain didn't feel like being spanked at that moment.
I told him that spanking because I forgot something seemed silly to me. I don't purposely forget things, I mean is that even possible? Can you tell yourself "Ok..don't forget to forget..." really? Let's be honest here. People forget things because..well..they are human and they forget. So I was standing firm that it had been a while since I had forgotten my phone and that I would do better at remembering it. He was having none of it.
His response: So my rules are silly? and that's when it all went down the tubes. Because not only had I earned a spanking for not having the phone with me, but now he felt I thought his rules weren't serious. He believed that I was laughing at him when I was giggling, when in reality I was nervous and I giggle when I'm nervous.
The spanking happened, I was not a very gracious spankee, either. I kicked, squirmed, tried to cover my butt, and then I dug in my heals and kept quiet. (ever try to outlast someone who is holding a spatula...I don't recommend it...I've yet to win) In the end I promised to do better about keeping my phone with me (hadn't I already done that?) and I agreed that it wasn't sillly because that rule is in place for my safety as well as the safety of our kids.
To top all of it off while we were cuddling afterwards he mentioned that I was starting to 'stray' a bit and that he felt he needed to help me get back on track with things. I've never argued a punishment as I did that night and the fact that he knew I meant it and wasn't just playing shy is what did it, I think. So he decreed that I would recieve a spanking each night for the next three nights to help me remember our roles and how we've decided to manage our marriage. Most people call these "reminder" spankings or "maintance" spankings... he referred to it as.... "Training"
HOLD THE PHONE! ... BACK UP... "Training"? Yup that's what he said and he continued to refer to it as that for the following days. Except when I said "don't call it that" then he'd just roll his eyes and refer to it as our "thing" for the night. And this is where my mind turns..and rolls, and my eyes cross.
Do I want to be "trained"? I am not a dog, a pet, or a slave. (not that being a slave is a bad thing..I often..when the kids are gone and the mood is right...well....that's another blog entry...) But for my 24/7 life..I'm..well me: Mom, Wife, worker, writer.
Although TJ and I have tried adding some aspects of D/s into our marriage throughout the years, it was never very satisfying for either of us (on a 24/7 basis). Now that he has really gotten his confidence up and he's being very consistant I think he may want more power then I originally bargained for. Which..I guess is ok. I'm not sure.
Does he want more from our marriage then simply being HOH? He's often made references about sex to me. As I said we've had D/s intermittently in our lives...does he want to start adding rules on sex and of that nature? Does he want to invade every part of my self and my mind? And this is where I freaked out.
I didn't talk to him. I still haven't. Because I'm trying to get it all worked out in my head. I don't think I want anything sex related to be a DD issue. (except for those nights the kids are away *blush*). Would I be ok if he started telling me how to dress, when I could and couldn't wear panties? To be honest... I don't know! And it's driving me crazy.
To be fair to him. I haven't even asked him about all of this. And this all started because he said the word "Training" to me.
The modern woman in me screamed when he said that word. The softer loving woman in me kinda sighed gently to herself with content. So, really, I think this is about me. I love where our marriage is. That DD has created this bond between us that is much stronger than any bond we've had in the past. Can DD involve more then just simple rules or ideas and spanking?
The right answer I know is: DD is whatever you make it to be.
Everyone's DD is different. What works for one couple will not/may not work for another. I know this in my head but when he said that word: Training. The part of me that sighed..the one who's heart warmed a bit, she freaked out because in the back of her mind she was thinking "No...I don't think things like that are allowed in DD". (Which is absurd I know...like the DD police are going to come running into my living room while I have my pants around my ankles and TJ is spanking me for having yet another orgasm without his permission and arrest all of our paddles for not staying with the DD code of conduct or something!)
So that's where my rambling thoughts are today. Tomorrow they could be anywhere else. Of course I'll be having a talk with TJ tonight. He doesn't really pop on here unless I specifically ask him to, so I know he'll never really find out about what I'm thinking unless I bring it up to him.
I started this post with one train of thought and then it totally turned and this where it ended up. I guess writing it all out does help to work through your thoughts. Thanks for listening!
4 comments:
Great post. This is going to be interesting to follow.
I am on your side of the equation, only I am the HOH.
I see my wife as a "modern woman" and always had problems with the concept (and wording) of things such as "training."
In this marriage, as well as my first (we eloped as teenagers and it lasted only 7 years), I have always tried hard to make my wives stronger and encouraged them not to put up with BS, even mine.
When my wife, Tiggr, wanted to try a D/s lifestyle, I was willing but had a lot of problems with things such as being called "sir." ("Master?" Over my dead body, lol.) There was also no way she was going to capitalize my name while using a small "T" for hers.
It provided plenty of drama for our respective blogs (my former blog was called "The Reluctant Dom") but wasn't the best thing for our relationship at times.
Maybe you'll manage to overcome your own reluctance and help me see things differently. That would be great.
Since you are a woman who believes she is the exact way I see my own wife, you will be combining my beliefs about women with the desires of a submissive, which, on the surface seem to be diametrically opposed.
I hope you will continue to share for a long time. Thanks for being so open. This is the type of thing that can help a lot of people.
Dante
Oh Measha:
You are an excellent writer.
I really enjoy your posts.
There were certain points where you have me chuckling out loud. You know you and I must have been thinking some similar thoughts these last few days. Because I too giggle or laugh when I am scared or nervous with Him, and it gives Him the wrong message I think.
I have a slightly different take on the word Training..I think that as a man that would be a very comfortable word for him perhaps from a sports or athletic point of view? When you talk about him, he seems so commanding and in control, and that is so very appealing. But its not easy to submit on demand is it?
You both seem to communicate so beautifully and I am sure that you will find your way together. And hopefully the DD Police won't show up at your house :)
Have a great weekend.
Take care
AG
Hi Measha!
I really love this post, because I went throught he same train of thought several months ago. I ultimately decided to completely give every part of my body, mind and soul, my very essence, over to Nick. Whenever I post on my blog, an email of the post is automatically sent to Him, which I have found to be a great tool. I, too have been spanked for forgetting to do things, or forgetting not to do them :) Even if it doesn't help you remember the specific thing that got you in trouble, like your phone, I find it helps keep me "on my best behavior" and then I do remember the things I am supposed to, because I am in the right frame of mind. As for training, only in my fantasies has Nick uttered those words! If Nick said I needed to be trained I would be overjoyed! You've gotten me excited now, uh-oh! I think I am going to post on training on my blog. Come see me! And I am curious to find out the conclusion you come to about this stage in your marriage. Just don't forget, it's okay to say 'not yet', intead of 'that's not okay'
Hugs and Blessings,
River
Wow great post. I look forward to following along. Just remember,"training" is only a word. Maybe you should find out what he means by it before you make up your mind.
Best wishes.
Beki
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