Something I've noticed about submission, perhaps not in general but where it pertains to me: I have a horrible time doing it when I'm mad.
If TJ and I are having a spat or if he has simply upset me I find it very difficult to be obedient - at the very least to be so with a warm heart. I know that I should still obey all of the rules and expectations. My head is fully aware that just because I'm mad that it doesn't mean that the rules vanish or that I'm not expected to follow them; but it's hard.
The other night TJ had gotten me upset- I have no idea why now...I'm sure it was something worth being upset over, though- and I wanted nothing more than to eat all of the Halloween candy sitting on the counter (which isn't allowed without asking but I was mad...see what I'm getting at here?)
It's as if since he has done something to upset me that he no longer has authority... like it voids his HOHness because he has made a mistake. Which is not the way this is supposed to work.. the HOH title can't be conditional.
I'll obey you...just so long as you do everything I say.... Now isn't that a backwards thought or what?
I'm not proud of this way of thinking or the way I behave when he's upset me but in the moment I feel as though I'm right and he has no right telling me what to do.
Ok...let's take that candy example. He made me mad (I wish I could remember why...I know it was justified...I'm sure of it!) and when you are mad at someone how are you supposed to go up to them and ask "Can I please have a piece of candy?"
And...if I had been able to muster up the words and asked for it and he had said no (Which i'm sure he would have because he's getting a lot more use out of that word lately then he has any right to) could I have obeyed his decision?
It's messy. I know that being submissive is being submissive angry, pissy, mad, or happy doesn't matter-right? I don't think so. At least not for me.
TJ says that it's when I'm mad that it's the most important time for me to be obedient. I'm not sure why exactly...I suppose to keep my mind focused. (I'm sure he told me ...but I've been in a pissy mood this week and probably wasn't listening.)
I've read blogs where the wife/woman goes through "training sessions"...I wonder if this is something they work on.. submitting for the sake of submitting?
When I get upset and if I don't obey the rules I always feel worse for it... I am my greatest enemy...it would seem...
6 comments:
I thought your post spoke volumes. It is so easy when it is going how we want, but if it isn't, submission can be hard.
Unfortunately, by us bucking it, we will be the one who pays, because when all is said and done, you are only mad at yourself. I hope you sort it out.
Hugs,
Katia
Oh, man, how timely!! I am sitting here right now really ticked off at something he just did, and not sure what to do about my anger. If nothing else, it's nice to know I'm not the only one! Something tells me I should go find out if there is something else going on with him, and try to be understanding. The other part of me just wants to nurse this injustice and mentally stick out my tongue at him. It's tough when we realize they are human, too, and we have promised to submit when they are imperfect, not just when they are perfect.
Hugs from me too,
Joanna
This is so wierd! I am sitting here playing on my computer despite the fact that I supposed to be asleep blah, blah, blah.
But because I am mad with him (for telling me to go to bed when I don't want to and for some other terribly good reason that escapes me now) I am determined not to do as he says. I was wondering around looking at stuff and thinking no one else is like me.
And lo and behold I found you.
Thank you for this. I have no words of wisdom other than to say, "Me too!"
:)
Measha, It's one thing to be irritated, but when I am truely angry, all reason flies out the window, along with any cares about being submissive. I understand where you are coming from. I don't know how to be submissive at those times either.
Ally
I am so glad to see that I am not alone in this! Thanks everyone! :-)
This is an excellent post. I also find that submission is easy when it's something I don't mind doing, when I'm in a good mood, etc. When it's something I don't want to do, or when I'm in a bad mood, and/or he's aggravating me - that's when it's hard, if not down right impossible it seems.
I often feel like he isn't consistent enough in his HOH-ness, but I'm just as inconsistent, if not more so.
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