It hurts him, too

I cashed in another 10 swats bringing my balance down to 90. (yippee?) TJ chose to use that damn wooden spatula again. I didn't protest, and I got through warm up pretty well, squirming only a little. Then came the actual strokes. He doesn't count the warm up at all, even if the strokes get harder as he progresses through it.

The searing pain of that implement is hard to describe. It stings, it burns, it has a fiery thud that I don't much like. I did the best I could. I mustered up all of the courage I had and didn't fight him. I used the fleece throw from the couch to muffle my screams. After about six strokes I was crying real tears and by 8 I was sobbing. He only did 10 swats due to the fact that he could tell I was sobbing. When he was all done he put the spatula down and rubbed my bottom and tried to sooth me. "It's all done..it's ok...shhh" his voice was so soft I barely heard him. I didn't move, though. I stayed laying over his lap and had a cry. I got up a few minutes later and gingerly pulled my panties back up.

A short while later he was tucking me into bed and giving me loving kisses, telling me that I only had a bit more to go. He reassured me that as long as I kept taking a bit at a time he wouldn't penalize me for going past the original due date of Friday. Which is good because that would mean I'd have to take all 90 tonight.

"You stopped because I was crying so hard,"
"Yes,"
"You don't like to hear me cry,"
"Yes, I hate it. It makes me feel bad,"
"Good to know." exaggerated wink... pinch to my bottom.....one last kiss and off to sleep I drifted.

I tried really hard to hold in my sobs last night because I know that he hates to hear me cry and that it does really tear at his heart, but that one particular implement just brings it out of me. He has retired the wooden beast for the time being saying that he would just use other things instead. Not because I asked him to, but because he realized that every time he uses it I end up sobbing myself silly. The thing is by far the worse implement he's used so far. It's not going away forever, though, he said for now we'll use other things.... "for now"

Anyhoo, so I'm down to 90. We'll have to see how much I can take tonight or that he's willing to give. These strokes are really hard...which is what he had promised me.

I hope I don't sound like I'm whining. I know I earned these strokes with my stubbornness and willingness to push him. I hate them, they hurt like hell, but I'm getting better at not using the word ...well...at least around him. I do notice when I say it even if he's not around to hear it and I curse to myself for having said it. Maybe his point is getting across... just maybe.