And it made all the difference...

Last night went much better than the night before. I mentioned to TJ that perhaps I was having trouble with the spankings because he was so physically withdrawn from me.

After a short conversation he agreed to try a different position. He would sit on the floor leaning against the couch for support (he has a bad back which is why he stopped OTK) and I would lay over his lap.

It went much better. I used a pillow to stifle my yelps and I was able to stay in position much easier. I think he's spanking more thoroughly than before and perhaps that's why it's been hurting so much more...he's actually delivering a punishment spanking instead of an erotic spanking with a few hard swats thrown in.

I think just having him physically near me was enough of a comfort that i was able to get through the punishment. It was an intimacy thing, I think. When he stands behind me and spanks me it feels so cold..so calculated. I'm glad that he let us try that new way because it really did help me a lot to focus more on the spanking and to hear what he was saying.

I know that there will be some that think I am staging the punishments, deciding when and where and how...and to some extent I am. TJ could have said no to laying over his lap- he has in the past. He won't allow me to chose the implement. He has given me the option of when to "cash in" but that was his idea. And he will not back down on this rule. I accidentally said the word in a casual conversation about what health insurance we should choose for next year (no attitude, wasn't arguing was just a casual use of the word) and he simply tacked on another 5 to the total.

I think that although he is HOH we still talk about these things as if I can decide. I know that the final decision is his, but I still get to give my input and ask for things: if he decides to go along with my idea then great for me - if not oh well.

So after adding the extra five, minus the 14 he gave last night and the one the night before....my total is = 100. (I think I posted yesterday that I had 100...I was thinking I did and questioned TJ when he said "Ok, just five more to bring us to a flat 100" he explained that I was actually at 109 yesterday (after the 1 stroke from the night before) and the another extra five from when we were mulling over the insurance plans brought me to 114 going into last nights spanking.