A few nights ago TJ and I were watching TV together late at night. TJ finally told me a few things he had been thinking about; a few changes he wanted to make.
1.) I am to learn how to mend clothes. - I hate mending, as far as I'm concerned if there's a hole, toss it.
2.) I am to be ready (teeth brushed and pj's on) for bed by 10 pm without complaint.
3.) he wants me to make his lunch for work every day.
#3 has been taken back and isn't really a rule now. Let me explain. When he told me about that I reminded him that we had tried that at one point and it didn't work out. I, also, pointed out that I'm already busy in the mornings getting the kids ready for school and the baby doesn't make it easy in the morning. He didn't really see those things as a good reason not to expect me to make his lunch. I can easily get the lunches (his and the 5 yr olds) ready the night before. As for what worked before or didn't work before...not relevant. This is now, he said.
We talked about it some more and I said. "I like making your lunch for you, and I do try to get it done," to which he agreed but said that he was wanting me to make it a priority. I then went on to explain. "I like doing it because it makes you happy, and I want to make you happy. But if you make it a 'have to', I'm afraid that it will just be one more thing on my to-do list and I'll become overwhelmed."
As it is I am the cooker, cleaner, close washer, homework helper (he does this too, just not as much), family accountant...along with my very part-time job and trying to get my writing off the ground, as well as getting my papers in order to go back to college. I'm afraid that taking on his personal things like that might make me feel resentful towards him.
I don't want to give the impression that he's a lazy bum and does nothing. That's not the case.
After our discussion about the additional rules, (I did mention to him I thought the bedtime sucked...which made him laugh but not change his mind) he decided to take away the lunch rule. He explained that it was something he'd like but that he understood what I meant.
He, also, said that he will never make a rule or dictate something that makes me feel 'less than'. That if a rule was making me feel bad (not "uncomfortable"...because "uncomfortable" could only mean I'm trying something new) or was making me feel unappreciated or unloved that he would revoke that rule without a problem. He doesn't want to 'hurt' me...at least emotionally...some of the things he's wanting to do to me physically are definitely going to hurt. WEG
I love to do the things for him that make him happy and feel loved but when it becomes a rule, it sort of takes away from the joy of it. Maybe I should do it because he says I have to, maybe I should be feeling good because he's given me a dictate (and isn't that what I wanted?) but that's not the case. In the end he said to forget it as a rule and we would just see how it goes.
The kicker is: I try really hard to make his lunch normally anyway. However, as soon as he said it was a rule... I didn't want to anymore. The thought "I don't have enough things I have to do in the morning or to get ready for the next day...now I have one more!?" popped in my head and I felt a slight surge of resentment/anger.
Does this make me less submissive or less then what I want to be? I dunno. I don't think it makes me less submissive to him of that I'm almost positive. Maybe a different kind of submissive then I had thought I was...
No comments:
Post a Comment