A new day

Thank you everyone for your kind words, it really did help me yesterday.

TJ came home from work last night and we exchanged pleasantries. He opted out of having dinner with the family and sat in the living room instead. (He apparently wasn't feeling well) I finished feeding the kids and went into the living room to straighten up the toys that littered the floor.

I sat in the rocker for a few minutes and he asked me "Have you thought about what you want to do?" and I asked him what he meant..the kids were within ear shot and it's very much not like him to strike up a conversation like that around them. "About us." he clarified.

I briefly said that I wanted to know what he was thinking. He said it depended on what I wanted in terms of our DD/ D/s side of the marriage. I was very vague in my answer, since the kids were about to pounce on us any second. "Is it worth ending us?" he questioned and when I didn't answer him right away he said "Never mind, we'll talk later. I shouldn't have brought this up right now," and then I got ready to take our oldest out to story night at school.

I texted him to check the blog if he was interested in what my thoughts were. Yesterday was a very dark day for me. No matter what I did I just felt emotionally exhausted and torn up inside. I tried to drown myself in housework but figured "eh...who cares,"- it was just a horrible day.

After the kids were in bed we talked...and talked....and talked...and talked a bit more. He admitted to not understanding my submissive side all that much and when I said that I was forcing him to be someone he's not- he said "No, your not. I'm just feeling rushed...let it happen naturally,"

I can't say that today everything is hunkey dorey cos it's not, but it's better. I assured him I had no intention of leaving him and apologized a million times for ever saying that to him cos I would feel absolutely devastated if he had said it to me. In the days before DD throwing the "D" word around was not unusual but it has been a loooooooooooooooong time since I did that. Not something I plan to ever repeat.. and I could not feel more remorseful for it. I was hurt and angry and I wanted him to feel the same.

He spanked last night. Not as a punishment but as a "reset" (as I referred to it upon requesting it). Just to re-establish us as us. It was the best spanking I've had in a long time and it worked wonderfully.....that and the make-up sex helped too!

So, as usual it will work out. There's going to be some time for healing first, though I think. It's never pretty when both people go into their dark places during an argument. But, he loves me like crazy and I'm just as smitten with him.