The reason I feel that way is because I don't really have to submit to anything, as of yet. I mean, yes, I have to carry my cell with me at all times and I have to keep the gas tank at least 1/4 full and there may be something small here or there. But over all there is nothing that I've had to really give over on. His reply was that there are some things coming our way that may fall into that category of "big" things. Although, he didn't get specific, he generalized that with the economy the way it is and things at work that he may be making some decisions for our family that I may not particularly agree with. I'm not overly worried about any of that, which I suppose is a good thing.
Usually I would freak out and demand details. But for now, I'm just letting him do what he needs to do and I'll wait until he lets me in on whatever it is he's thinking about until he's ready to.
I don't really know what needs to happen for this all to feel "real" to me. I mean it's real enough. The spankings are definately real. I'm REALLY getting spanking tonite. I know this but then there are occasions when I do something I think I should and he basically just shrugs.
For example. A friend is having a personal shopping party on a sunday in march. I'm working that Saturday. So for me to go to the party that means I will have not been home with our family for the whole weekend, and having left him to deal with the kids all weekend, alone. (Note: He's the worlds best father and never complains about being alone with the kids, but I know what a handful they can be...) So, I text him and ask if I can go. (Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?) Knowing that he's probably will say no, instead I get.
"I need to get a wife for the weekends" which his way of saying, go ahead but I don't like it.
When I talked to him later I said "You know you can just say no," and he went on about how with me working saturdays now and then I wouldn't be home all weekend and what about family time...so on and so forth. "But if you really want to go....go," he said (GRRR)
"But you don't want me to"
"Well, you wouldn't be home all weekend, again,"
"Ok. I'm going to ask again. Can I go to the party..and you're answer...."
"Ok, fine. No. You can't go."
"Ok," and my heart warms....
So perhaps that's another reason it's not feeling very real. I would think that at this point I wouldnt' have to script it for him. Then again this is his journey as much as mine and he's still coming into his comfy zone of what he does and doesn't do as HOH.....
2 comments:
We do exactly the same thing and your right it is about him finding his comfort zone. It's a learning curve for everyone.
Have fun on the journey.
Beki
It is very much a learning curve....and one which needs to evolve at its own pace.
What you've written about here, about the weekend, was something I had to learn at the beginning. When we hit that spot, he said to me 'What do you think I want?' and, when I answered him and got it right he said 'So if you know the answer, why do you need to ask the question?'
He wasn't being sarcastic, he genuinely wanted to know what within me would have driven my need to push him to an answer I already knew. For me, it ended up coming out as wanting him to prove he could and would take charge. We were at the early stages of our relationship, and I was 'testing the boundaries'. I think we all do that.
love and hugs xxx
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