I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking over my original post and other topics related to it. I could not put my finger on what I really feel about DD...or why I have this need. I told myself a while ago that it didn't matter "why". That because it worked and made TJ and I happy it didn't matter "why". But after having the conversation that I had with the person who had brought all of this up... I had to revisit the "why".

I have no idea why. I mean I like to be spanked. Have thought about it since I could think. I used to watch Blue Hawaii every time it came on TV when I was a kid, then I taped it just so I could replay the spanking scene over and over again. If my parents thought it odd that I became an Elvis fan they didn't say but I'm sure they did. After all the King had been dead since before I was born!

So, I like spanking. Why not just keep it in the bedroom. After all, TJ and I dabble in D/s but only in the bedroom so why not DD too? I love the fact that TJ has the authority here in our home. I love the fact that he gets the final say. I absolutely do not believe there is such a thing as a 50/50 marriage. Someone has more say, even if they don't realize it. I love the feeling it gives me when he gets involved with my life in the way other men would just glance at.

Is it just that I love the extra attention? Sure but I don't think it's "extra" attention. I think in the beginning it was "extra" because before DD we were very much separated. He did his thing and I did mine. If he pissed me off I blew up and he'd retreat even further away from me and if I pissed him off he'd simply retreat again because who can fight with Super Bitch (that's what I was just take my word for it) So when we started out, then yes, it was extra.

But now, it's not extra attention that I crave. It's the kind of attention. If he's upset I want to know about it and I want to talk about it and I want to get my spanking and move on. If I'm upset I want to talk about it. The problem though...I don't talk when I'm upset..I yell, scream, call names... I'm MUCH better. But that's because DD has taught me to communicate better.

The spanking is not given in order for me to feel forgiveness. It was suggested that I don't believe TJ when he says he forgives my behavior and that's why I want the spanking. But that's not true. The forgiveness is there already. The argument is over. The spanking is simply how TJ and I reconnect. I think that after an argument or whatever both parties apologize and both forgive. But you still have some residual negative feeling about the ordeal, although you have forgiven each other. For us spanking is the way to get past the negative feelings and let the love back in full force.

Last night I didn't feel much like writing so I closed my computer as TJ walked into the kitchen. He asked what I was up to and said nothing and he closed the blinds. Dead give away. Then said since I wasn't busy we could "talk" and asked me to join him in the living room.

He first apologized that he had not spanked me in almost 4 days because I had earned a punishment spanking and he had forgotten to deal with it one night and then the next and the next. I assured him that I was just fine with it and not to worry. *WEG*

Then we started talking about all these things. He informed me that there was no way we were giving up DD just because someone who knew nothing about DD until I said the words didn't understand it. He said "So..because at some point we may not want or need this you are just going to scrap it now?"
Me: "Yeah..I mean would you waste time and money on a car you're about to junk? No."
Him: "This is not a waste of time. This is something that is a huge part of who you are,"
and then he asked me to lay over his lap. Which I did.

So, we actually had a wonderful conversation about why we like DD and what he thinks of it. He said that if spanking was the only way I could get past an argument or a wrong doing then it would be a problem but that if it was my preferred method, he saw no problems with it. Which I agree with. I'm sure that we could find a way to get past things without the spanking. And there are times when just a conversation is enough or all that I want (even if he disagrees at the time and still spanks) so spanking isn't the ONLY resolution..but it's the one I want and desire.

So as for the why? Because this is me. I have fantasized about spanking my entire life and now I have it. I get spanked and I get loved. Can there be love without the spanking..yup....but I wouldn't have as much fun I think!

He did end up spanking me. It was a wonderful spanking that I am going to say was totally not a punishment. We talked the whole time and even did a fair amount of laughing. By the end my bottom was a wonderful red and he was ready for...er...other pursuits.. LOL

Beki: All I can suggest is ask him what DD means for him and believe what he says.
This was excellent advice and I didn't even really have to ask him...he brought it to me last night which meant a lot to me.

Simply Sweet: " I have tried many times to stop this feeling I have. But I always go back to it. We are who we are. Its not a feeling that you can just push out of your life. Its a lot deeper than that."
I have tried to push it away as well. It won't budge! LOL This is something that is in my make up of who I am.. and I have to remember that and tell myself it's ok to be me..cos I'm not so bad!

AG: "The love your Husband shows for you goes beyond whether or not DD or spanking sprang from him or not, he knows that it serves your relationship."
So very true. I am very lucky to have him and I tell him so almost daily... which is really going to his head LOL


As always thanks for letting me vent to you all! DD is not the easiest of relationships. It requires a lot of communication and dedication to each other. And even when it's going well sometimes I still need to throw my thoughts and ramblings out there..so thank you very much!