Getting rid of the need?

It was suggested to me yesterday that perhaps there were other ways of fulfilling my need of intimacy that I get from a spanking in other ways. It was also suggested that TJ was only spanking me because it's something I need and not something that he wants. That he is willing to do it because he loves me but that he could go without it if my need went away.

So, to say the least, my day sucked yesterday. I went round and round in my mind thinking about TJ and how we came about DD and where we are with it. I'm still getting a headache with the thoughts and didn't sleep much last night, so bare with me please.

I asked TJ last night that if something happened and he found himself single again would he implement DD into his new relationships? Would it be something that he brought to the relationship. His answer was that it would depend on the woman and the circumstances. If he thought the relationship would benefit from it then yes he'd bring it up.

One of the many thoughts than hurdled through my head around 3 am is that maybe this person had been right, to a small degree. I mean TJ has never made any attempt at participating in any online comunity, even when I've asked and asked him to. He's never sought out a new implement, I've been the only one to bring them home. And he never even visits here. So all of these things led me to this conversation this morning.
Me: Ok, we are done
Him: Ok, pack your bags...what the hell are you talking about.
Me: DD...we're done.
Him: Uh, no
Me: Why not? I mean: ( and then I listed the above mentioned items)
Him: So?
Me: So I'm just something on your To-Do list and I dont want that
Him: You are not on my to do list... You're on my "Want to do list" (with a rub and pat to my bottom)
Me: This isnt' something that you want, just something you do.
Him: So you're just going to throw away all that we've worked for all these years to get to where we are?
Me: Yep
Him (laugh) You can stop if you want..but I'm not
Me: What does that mean?
Him: It means that you can think what you want... we aren't stopping.
Me: I just said-
Him: I know what you said..but I know you want this. We'll talk about it tonight after the kids are in bed.

So I feel abit more comforted but still the thought rolls through my mind...what if I could get rid of this need I have. And..what exactly is this need? What do I get out of Domestic Discipline. I mean TJ and I were doing sensual spanking before I brought up DD so why did it go to the next level? What does a spanking provide us?

These are questions I'm asking and pondering today... hopefully I'll get an answer together coherantly and I'll post back but if anyone out there wants to answer those for themselves please do!