Just another Ramble

TJ looked over my resolutions for this upcoming year after I had posted last. He said ( in regards to the ones about submission) that the first two were most important. He said the one about the cane would be fun (for him) but that he really wants me to focus on the exploring my submissive side and accepting his authority with more fluidity.

In that respect I have been doing some soul searching. It's all still very muddled in my mind so I can really only imagine how the words will spill onto this screen, but I will attempt to be rational. (Notice I said "attempt")

TJ hates labels and I am working really hard not to use them, however, this is much harder than I thought it would be. He tells me that he doesn't want to be my "Dom" "Master" or any such thing, he simply wants to be my Husband, and I his wife. Great! I can do that, or can I?

I look around me and I am much different than the other "wives" around me. I do not put him down verbally to my co-workers (I'm no saint, I do complain from time to time, but I don't bash him) I do not mind offering to get him his coffee after a meal when in the company of others. Along with other subtle things that I really dont' see most women doing for thier husbands.

I think that the arrangement we have is more than just simply Husband/wife but I think it makes him more comfortable to use those terms (but I thought we weren't supposed be labeling us....ah well). There has been a large shift in our dynamic here in this house. I am no longer simply a wife who gets spanked for being naughty (that still occurs, have no doubt!) but there's more to it. I have given over control to him in other ways; sexually, financially, even a portion of my diet is under this umbrella of authority.

I am most calm and soothed while seated at his feet watching tv while he lovingly strokes my hair. I don't know what the next day will bring but the conversation TJ and I had last night was very touching and very informative.

"You will never be worth less than me," he assured me when I voiced my worry over my worth. "We are equal beings but our roles are different," he explained while looking into my eyes, holding my chin in his hands forcing me to look directly at him and hear his words.

This weekend promises to be a very interesting weekend. The kids will all be gone and we will have some much needed alone time...and an experiment is planned... I will let you know how it goes..or mostly.