A promise

TJ is currently sitting on a plane aimed for Nebraska. He will be gone for almost a week; we (the kids and I) took him to the airport this evening. The girls loved the hustle and bustle of it all and I was terrified, having never actually driven anyone to the airport before. It was a much more tearful goodbye than I had thought it was going to be.

After my last post I have just sat back and watched us. I made it all sound so dreary and sad that I wasn't really sure what to post after it or what I was really feeling. So, I just let our lives move along naturally and watched it from the sidelines, sort of speak.

I did cautiously broach the topic with TJ a few nights ago and we both got pretty much no where. I could not find the right words and he was very confused. He did promise that after his business trip we would talk in detail, but that he was ready to try again at stepping things up a bit. He claims life just got in the way and that he is just as interested as before.

It wasn't a very long discussion nor was it very detailed at all. Last night, however, we were sitting watching a movie together and I blurted out a list of things that I wouldn't mind him 'altering' about our lifestyle. Areas that I wouldn't mind him taking control over or having a strong opinion (Dare I say rule or dictate?) about. He just kind of looked at me with an odd expression for a second and said "Really?" and I nodded (too embarrassed at that point to use words). "Okay," he smiled and threw out a new rule.

Now. I'm not completely sure that he actually means this new rule or if it is simply because it was something on my list and he wanted to appease me. Nor does it matter. At this very moment I am trying to not let his motives matter. If he was simply trying to appease me than when he sees me following the rule, perhaps it will begin to matter to him. If he actually means this rule then my following it is just as crucial.

Last night while we were waiting for the movie we wanted to watch to come on the television I said ever so casually, "You could spank me until it comes on," Hoping to spend the next 20 minutes having a bit of fun.

"Good idea! Come over here," he called me into the kitchen. He grabbed the rubber spatula and walked me to the hallway where he pointed to the door for me face.

"No..no..I mean a nice spanking. The kind where I lay over your lap and you use your hand," I laughed and he smiled back at me.

"Ok..maybe after this." he turned me back around to the door and I pouted. (Insert sound effect of foot stomp here) "You need a little reminder. While I'm gone you are going to follow all of the rules, right? You aren't going to cheat on them because I'm not here."

What?! Gasp!? He delivered a pre-emptive reminder without my even asking! Although, not the spanking I wanted by any means it was just as heart warming.

It wasn't all serious though. At one point that little devil stings and I was hoping around "ouch!" hop, slight turn, WHAP "OUCH" hop, slight turn,WHAP "OUCH"...this went on (while he was laughing) until I was completely facing him and he was whole heartedly laughing. "That was fun, turn around, let's do it again!"

Perhaps that is why I had the gumption that I did to spill out my little list about an hour later, I don't know.

So my promise. Is not really to TJ (cos he never checks my blog) it's more to myself. I am going to stick to the rules this week while he's gone. If I can manage to follow his rules while he's not even here to see me then I should be able to do it with ease when he is around and perhaps he will see me taking my role more seriously.

TJ still isn't the "Dom" that I read so much about on other blogs...but he is my TJ and he is my husband. Maybe things will shift from DD to more D/s..maybe they won't, but at the end of the day I still want only him to be the one wrapping his arms around me. I can't imagine having this intimate of a relationship with anyone else.

That "road" I was standing on the side of... I should have been with TJ asking him for directions instead of just standing there like a dope. So...this week I shall re-commit myself to our rules and focus on my submissive side. When TJ returns we can have the talk he said we would have and things can go on from there.