I did something really stupid this past week and of course I got caught. It's all a very long story and not that exciting so I'll skip to the end of it.
TJ was really really mad at me for what I had done and couldn't spank at the moment because he was that mad. So I had to stand in the corner while he calmed down. (HATE THE CORNER btw) By the time he got back over to me with the paddle in his hand I explained to him why what I had done was wrong and that I was sorry. He let it go. Yup. He said basically..I'm summarizing here.. "lesson learned".
Uhhhhhh....has he met me??? Hi, I'm Measha SPANKO. So it ate at me and ate at me that he just let it go. I withdrew from him, because a real snot towards him, (he did spank once for direct disobedience when I didn't go to bed) but really it was a messy week. We talked it all through the other night though...so it's all ok, now.
Why do I bring this up...well...cos I have thoughts.
1. I realized this week that I still control things around here a bit more then I'd like. For example I did what I did without permission becuase I knew if I asked he would have said no. Now...does that sound like a submissive woman? NO. That sounds like a "well...he'll say yes so I'll ask him...but if he's going to say no, I won't" woman...not good for a DD relationship.
2. I really do need a spanking even after everything is forgiven and worked through. The spanking isn't what really "Teaches" anything, that's all done by communication and intelligence..but it clears the air.
3. TJ still, after all this time, didn't understand what I wanted out of a HOH or what my thought were on his "job description". And I didn't see his point of view either. He feels like he'll have me do things I don't want to just becuase I want to please him.. I had to remind him that a) I'm not stupid and b)I'm no doormat...I can still say no, and explain why .
It was a somewhat enlightening week.....who knows what next week will bring.
3 comments:
Measha, Wow! You brought up some very valid points to ponder. I totally agree that the spanking is the topper afterwards that clears the air. I really need to think about how #1 applies to me - damn! Glad all is OK now with you and TJ and hope next week is a good one! Meow
At the risk of pointing out a paradoxical dilemma in your relationship, I will describe a dynamic that I have been convinced is a "truth." I want to make it clear in doing this that this is simply an opinion of mine based on a few decades of experience, and I have no basis ever to judge any other erelationship, other than my own.
With all those disclaimers stated, this dynamic I am slowly sidestepping up to is this. A Dominant (or HOH in DD parlance) cannot function to meet the needs of, or satisfy the demands of, a submissive partner. He must practice his control out of his own need. If He attempts to function to satisfy his partner, it is not he who is Dominant, but he is in fact serving the real Dominant partner in the relationship, i. e. his supoosedly submissive wife, girl friend, partner, etc.
This happens frequently in BDSM relationships where a husband, boyfriend, whatever attempts to be Dominant to a submissive woman whom he loves, to satisfy her, despite having not a Dominant bone in his body. It happens in DD relationships where HOH's serve to satisfy the needs of a wife or partner to be in another's control (even as the so-called submissive controls the relationship to demand that she be disciplined becasue she needs it.......typically as she says it "should" be done.)
If you are submissive in the relationship then in my opinion, accept and trust the decision of your HOH or Dominant as valid. If you cannot do that and he is working to satisfy you, recognize that you are in a D/s or DD relationship in which you are the party in control....in fact you are the HOH or Dominant partner.
I hope I haven't tied you in knots with my circuitous reasoning.
All the best,
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.
Measha, That is tough when you feel unresolved. I found Tom's post interesting and it made me ponder my own relationship. I know there have been times in my own relationship,when a form of action was taken, and I questioned it...but he is probably right, who is the HOH.
DD should stand for: Difficult Decisions.
Katia
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