Since having surgery and all of the other icky stuff that has happenedm I have not had a single spanking. Oh there has been a playful swat here and there (5 in a row today, actually) but nothing that could actually be determined a "spanking".
Yesterday was a bad day here in our little household, getting the kids fed, dressed, and into the cars in the morning is becoming increasingly difficult as the baby is now toddler and has his own little personality. I was, to say the least, frustrated and taking it out on everyone in my path. TJ pulled me aside and scolded me and then we all got in the cars and left. No spanking, however, as TJ is going to wait until this weekend.
TJ is planning to have a "reset talk" this weekend to get us back into the full swing of things. He said that that now that I'm feeling better and my attitude seems to be coming back we need to get back to the basics. I'm not really sure what will happen during this talk, except that I'm almost positive that a spanking will happen.
Now that I haven't had a spanking in nearly 2 months I'm not sure I'm excited about it. I have a complete virgin butt right now and I'm really not looking forward to it. Also, there is the fact that I have a horrible habit of coming up with a fantasy in my head and when reality doesn't come close to it I have a bad reaction. I'm really going to try and let it all just happen naturally, no fantasizing.
I will admit that there are days I wish this need I have would just go away. Sometimes I think it would be easier to ignore it. I'm thankful that TJ won't let me ignore this part of me, that he sees it works so well for us and will keep stepping up when needed.
There is still a lot of things in my head that leave me unsettled at times. I'm trying to figure out what my wants and needs are... there's a difference, that much I know, but I am having a really hard time sorting them into the right categories. These are things that I have trouble even verbalizing to TJ because I don't want to scare him or to make him think badly of me.
During a fun evening in bed, TJ was pinching me and he asked me if I liked it (in that seductive tone ..) I blushed into the darkness and said that I liked that he liked it. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I enjoyed it...wouldn't that be horrible to enjoy being pinched in such a way? These are things that leave me uncomfortable, and feeling lonely at times because I don't mention these things to TJ and I know I should...but I don't think he'll understand.
Then there are days I wish that I had known all of these things about myself when I had met TJ. Maybe then we would be further along this journey if it hadn't crept up on me after we had been married for a bit. But then again..how much of yourself are you fully aware of at 16.
This post, as usual, has veered off of where I started from. Again, just my ramblings of the day.
1 comment:
Dear Measha,
Yes... share it. It is hard to accept what is normal is us. I often get confused bc I do know there's a difference. But I've realized that I can't be dishonest with me... or with D by pretending. TJ picks up on it all and just wants you to cease being shy about it. He wants to share his being observant and willing with you. Don't cheat him is due reward for being willing to please you with things you are as yet unwilling to accept in yourself! You both deserve more! just sayin!
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