Experiment

One of the many parts of DD is: Spanking. Ok, it's a pretty big part of it and it's the part that I'm gonna talk about today.

I've been finding that TJ stops spanking just when I'm about to burst through that wall. Right when I get to the point of "Ok...yeah yeah I'm sorry" turns into "OK...I'm really sorry..I mean it..." and the remorse is honest and I've moved into what I guess some could call 'sub space' (for lack of better description). I've gotten the impression that he doesn't think I can take a very severe spanking....so I went about finding a way to show him that I can.

I wanted to show him that he can go further with the spankings and that I could/would be able to handle it. I wanted to show him that for punishments perhaps he was being very lenient on my bottom.

I brought up my idea to him: an experiment of sorts. We picked a time where we could devote at least 30 minutes for spanking. We agreed to try several different implements. He agreed to do a good warm up. Another thing I wanted to show him was that with a "proper" warm up we could take the spankings to a different level . He told me that when I got to the point of "NO MORE" to use the code word: Uncle.

Friday night came and it was time. I pulled out all of the implements...well mostly all of them. There was:
The universal scraper (pictured in the upper left corner)
The hand held wooden paddle that I had bought him for Xmas years ago that he's never really used
The hairbrush
A wooden spoon.

He sat on the couch and had me lay over his lap (my favorite position by the way). He explained that he was gonna do the warm up and then began to pepper my back side with spanks from the scraper. At first not a big deal, was feeling almost like a therapeutic massage. After a minute or two the smacks began to get a bit harder and were closer together. I was squirming by the end of 3 or 4 minutes and by the time he finally said "Ok...warm ups over" I was really rolling around on his lap trying to avoid that scraper.

He had me get up and take down my pants. I looked at him and said "But you never have me take off my pants," and he just gave a grin. I did as he instructed and got back on his lap. The hairbrush was next and if I thought the scraper stung I was mistaken. The hairbrush, when applied the same cheek rapidly packs a horrible burn. He switched to the wooden spoon and then to the wooden paddle.

He didn't switch implements until I cried out "UNCLE!", no matter how much I squirmed or cried out, he waited for me to give him the signal. It took less time to get me to call out "Uncle" with each implement. It wasn't so much that whatever he was using, hairbrush, spoon or what have you was so terrible, it was that he had been spanking me for so long that if he had used a feather it would have stung.

At some point he got to the wooden paddle. Now, I've had that paddle used on me all of 2 times (and I'm being generous with that number) since we got it years ago. I knew there was a lot of "thud" with a paddle and I was expecting that. I wasn't expecting it to hurt so very much. At first it was just another swat to an already very sore behind, but then it was soooo much more. It was fire! It was sting! It was "UNNNCLLEEE!!!!" I couldn't have called out that word sooner if I had tried...because I was too busy stammering from the burn of the thing. Somehow we ended up on the floor. (I think I rolled off his lap LOL) and he told me to get on hands and knees.

"Not with that thing!" I said and pointed at the paddle.

"Oh..it's got your attention does it?" he asked with more evil in his smile then I cared to see at that particular moment. "C'mon we are almost done... just get over here." I whimpered and did as he asked. I presented my very hot, red, and fiery bottom in front of him. I looked behind me and saw him bring his arm back, the paddle in hand, and as he brought it down on me I crawled away. He laughed and told me to get back. I did. And again as he was about to make contact I crawled away again. "Stop it," he laughed. "Just stay put,"

"Stop doing a full swing! You're gonna catapult me across the room!" I cried as I got back into position.

"Look forward," he commanded me. I looked ahead of me, focusing on the TV, but I could tell he was almost mid swing, I looked behind me confirmed my suspicion and off I went again crawling away. This time he lurched forward grabbed me by my waist and gave me a few swats hard and fast. Just when I thought I was gonna lose my mind from it, he tossed it to the side and pushed me to the ground.

The next thing I knew..the burning in my rear was nothing compared to the sensations he was causing in other areas......

So...the goal was to show him I could take a lot more then he's been dishing out. He told me that he can see that now and that he's not gonna stop just cos he hears a few whimpers out of me. So we'll see if this was a good or bad thing...for me. WEG

Working on it

Here's the problem: I'm a control freak! Especially when it comes to money. I want to now where it's coming from, where it's going, and how much is allotted to each part of the budget. This has been a hot button issue with TJ and I. He's stayed out of the money and the budgets because we would only argue about it all. We tried once to have him do the bill paying and such but I was totally not having it. So we reverted back to me handling it all.

However, that was all pre-DD. This week I handed over the check book and the bills. I'm no longer in control of it. That's not to say I don't know how much there is, where it is, or how to get at it, but I'm not the one having the last say on it. I think it is important for everyone to know their financial status. Everyone should know where the money is kept, how much is there, and what's going on with debt and such. I still get to have my say but he makes the final decision.

It's been about 5 days since we changed over "power of the check book" and I'll be honest it's killing me!

We've tried doing the bills together, working 50/50 but just like in our relationship, it doesn't work for us. I don't like the way he handles it and he doesn't agree with my way, so someone has to have the last say and since he's the HOH I figured why not him? But it is not that easy. I know there are bills coming and things that are needed and now I worry: is he budgeting, did he take into account that the preschool bill is coming, did he write that check etc... Today was my first freak out. I had wanted to spend some money on one of the girls (a program at the local park district) and he was telling me that there just wasn't enough to cover the expense right now. I started to ask him about the money. Ok...not "ask" it was more "DEMAND TO KNOW RIGHT NOW" kind of questioning. He told me we'd go over it tonight when he got home from work but I just kept on him. Finally, he hung up on me.

After a few minutes I calmed myself down and called him back. I'm not really sure if there's going to be a "talk" this evening about it but we are going to "calmly" go over the money together. He's upset becuase "it hasn't even been a week yet and...." but I pointed out "I made it this long without freaking out....."

With DD there is so much more to it than spanking. Of course there's plenty of it, but there's more to it. This issue is going to take a lot of patience and a lot of communciation to resolve and come to conclusions that make us both happy. I'm going to have to give up control in an area that's hard for me, and he's going to have to step up to the plate in two ways. One: make responsible decisions that benefit our family in concerns to the family budget. Two: Keep me accountable for my lil freak outs and help me through this transistion period.

This is going to be a difficult thing for us both. But we have both agreed to this lifestyle, we have agreed to work on issues that are easy and hard for us. With both of us on board I don't see how we can fail....