We've discovered that we each saw our marriage at different points. I thought we were further along and ready for the next step and he felt that we were still at the starting line. He said that he is open to "more" in our marriage and even wants it but that right now it isn't the time.
One thing that I've learned is that I have to stop trying to put a label on us and myself. Am I a vanilla woman who likes to be spanked? A slave? A submissive? Who cares! I am me, plain and simple and I have to start realizing that it doesn't matter how other couples manage thier relationships, that should not effect me. My focus needs to be on our marriage and me, not trying to keep up with the Jones's.
That said. I've been trying really hard the past few days to pay attention to TJ. I've been not arguing with him over stupid things and when he gives an order I've been trying really hard to obey it without question or complaint. Last night when TJ was putting me to bed he thanked me for all of the hard work I've been doing. He said that he's noticed how much effort I've been putting in and how hard I've been trying. He got that mushy "I love you" look in his eyes as he petted my hair (something I find very comforting and he know that).
I asked him if he likes me this way and he said "Oh yes! You've been happier, more clear headed, and that makes me very happy"
I was so happy with myself and with us that I near exploded with it. My heart was so swelled with pride and joy that I thougth it would burst in my chest. I had the biggest smile on my face last night as I drifted off to sleep. (Which was hard to do given the face that I was so full of emotion). I then compared that feeling to how I feel after I'm punished. Yes, I feel loved after a spanking but the feeling I had last night was SOOO MUCH BETTER! I was making him happy and I was just...well... elated!
it was a good night!
