Hind Sight

Looking back on my life I see now that there were plenty of signs that I was not cut from a vanilla cloth...actually I wasn't even cut from a cloth on the same shelf as the vanilla cloth.

Here are a few examples:

1. At a very young age, spanking became a fantasy that popped into my head quite frequently. I have an embarrassing story regarding this, but I'm keeping it in the vault of "Never tell a living soul."

2. As a young teenager, when sex became something more than just a word (At least privately, since I was too young to date at that time...)my fantasies were not simply spanking. They involved things like paddles, cages, whips, collars. These may seem to be a "natural" fantasy to some who enjoy these types of fantasies; however, at the time of these fantasies I had never heard of BDSM, S&M, spanking, submission or domination. I had never seen a woman walked on a leash, I had never heard of a man spanking a woman, nor had I heard of, or knew of, blow jobs. I knew only that sex happened when a man put his penis inside a woman.

3. TJ and I married quite young. He went off to the army and I went off to the junior college. In order to pass the time away from him my mother turned me on to romance novels. A quick read and always a happy ending, sounded great to me. I quickly found myself skimming to the parts where the man was dominant towards the woman; giving her rules and being all stern with her. If there was a spanking in the novel, I would ear mark that page to go back and re-read the passage over and over again.

4. During a conversation with TJ while he was in basic training he told me something about how the husband is responsible for the actions of the wife while he's enlisted. He went on to say that if he wanted to, he could keep me locked on base by telling the gate guards that I was not to leave base. In reality, he had no such power or authority, he was pulling my chain, but the very idea of being under his control, under his authority in such a way...excited me more than maybe it should have.

5. The spanking scene in Blue Hawaii. I nearly broke the tape with the number of times I rewound and watched it over and over and over again. Privately, when no one else was around to see me watching it, because how would a pre-teen explain it to her parents were they to happen on her.



With all of these signs, along with others, how did I never comprehend my own desires? If I were to go back in time and change something, or to make my younger self do something, I think one of the things I would tell her is to pay attention to herself. To listen to her heart and her fantasies and to try to understand herself a little better.

Believe it or not....

"About that ice cream you ate tonight.." his eyebrows raised slightly as she blushed in response.

"Huh?"

"I saw the bowl," he stated.

"It doesn't count," she mumbled.

"Go get an ice-cube," he directed.

"Why?" she looked shocked.

"My hand hurts and you need to be punished," was all he said. "Go get an ice cube,"

She walked slowly to the kitchen and retrieved the cube from the freezer. Once back in his office she handed him the frozen cube and wondered what he was going to do with it. She thought about it tracing her nipples and she smiled inwardly...no that would be kinda fun!

"Lay down," he sat back in his chair.

"On my back?" she questioned and he nodded.

"Pull your pants and panties down," his next instruction came and she hesitated a moment before she followed his directions. "Open your legs,"

She stared at him as she slowly spread her legs, feeling the blush overtake her cheeks as he could see all of her. She loved and loathed being looked at in such a fashion.

The next thing she felt was the freezing drippings from the ice cube dripping on her vagina. She sucked in her breath as he lightly touched her clit with ice cube and looked away from him trying to hide the embarrassment.

He was slow in his movements, starting at the top of her lips and moving downward, pausing a short moment before beginning the assent. He rested the cube on her clit again, grinding it gently.

She covered her eyes with her hands and tried not to call out. At first the ice had caused nothing but slight discomfort but the longer he held it in place, the more he ran it up and down her pussy she could feel the burn of it.

"Does it hurt?" he asked her in a husky voice.

"A little," she lied-and he knew it.

"Do you know what else hurts?" he asked and she peeked through her fingers at him. "Disobeying me hurts," he stated and pressed the cube furhter into her folds. "What will you do next time?"

"Ask permission before having sweets!" she answered swiftly earning herself a chuckle.

"That was fast!" he ran the cube up and down her a few more times and then pulled it away. "Ok...pull your pants back up," and he stepped over her to throw the ice cube into the bathroom sink. She first covered herself to help warm her private area, then pulled on her panties and her pajama pants. "Let's take you up to bed," he smiled at her when he returned to the room.

He took her up the stairs to their room, tucked her into bed, kissed her good night and left her to her own thoughts and feelings....


FACT OR FANTASY? YOU DECIDE!