This morning, before the sun even rose into the sky, I earned myself a punishment. TJ and I had talked the other day about consistency and we agreed he needed to work on that area a bit. We talked about how the rules he sets really need to be important, otherwise, if I break one he doesn't feel the need to correct me for it. For example: if he says I have to wear purple shoes everyday and one day I don't he's very likely to just shrug and say 'eh, oh well' because he could care less what shoes I wear.
So that brings me to this morning. There is a rule in our house that I must always have my cell phone with me and charged. I know this is a rule for an important reason and I still suck at following it. It's not that I leave the phone home on purpose, it's just I forget the dang thing all the time and I'm even worse about charging it.
There was a HUGE drop in the temperature during the night and everything was basically one big ice cube this morning. I got up a little earlier for the gym so that I would have time to scrape off the 1-2 inches of ice on my windshield (which I only ended up scraping off a little hole for me to look through cos the ice was so thick...but he doesn't know that...thankfully). I went to the gym, worked out, showered, and left the gym. When I got into the van I pulled my phone out (I did remember it!) thinking to call TJ and make sure he was up for work. The phone....was dead. Well, it died when I flipped it open to see the screen. No big deal, I thought.
When I got home I told TJ about how cold and icy it was (after I had pulled my phone out of my coat and plugged it into the charger.) He looks up at me and says "And you didn't have your cell phone with you!?" I was kinda taken aback by how upset he was and I quickly stammered that I did have it with me but it was dead. "Then you should have taken mine!" I again just looked at him blankly. I then explained that I didn't know it was dead until after I got out of the gym. *silence* Then he looked up at me with a look I've only seen a few times before and said "We will be talking about this tonight!" and he walked away.
Then, immediately, everything went right back to normal. He got dressed and I fixed the kids breakfast. We chatted a bit about this and that and then he was off to work. So, I'm left here all day with this impending spanking coming my way. SOOO many things go through my mind during the day when this happens.
- Will he remember?
- What will he use? That damn paddle again?
- Does this mean no sex tonight?
- Should I remind him if he forgets?
- Does he think about this at all during the day?
I envision the spanking, I plan it all out, and then I fester in my own imagination all day long. I go from one emotion to the next. Panic, dread, anger (this happens when I begin assume he's going to forget) remorse, embarrassment then it all starts all over again.
I wonder if we didn't have kids would he have simply pulled me into the living room, sat down pulled me over his lap and given me the spanking then? Then again, if we didn't have kids would that rule be as important?
Then there's pressure on him to deliver. I will have the entire thing played out in my head and if he doesn't go by my mentally prepared script will I be disappointed? I think that the mental torture I put myself through while waiting for my spanking should be considered time served... well a little bit anyway...
Well, it's been a few weeks since I handed over the checkbook and the bills to TJ....
So far it's been a bit tense for me, knowing that he's making decisions that I wouldn't make. He's doing things his way and not mine, which is driving me to distraction, but overall I think I've handled it well. I haven't yelled or screamed or even had a fit when he's told me that I couldn't get something. He's made a few mistakes but I think he'll learn from them....I hope. (even though if he had done things my way...the mistakes wouldn't have happened...but I digress and I need to breathe...)
The last time he had control over the checkbook he had made a few mistakes and I instantly took it all back. I freaked out and made the decision that he couldn't handle it and I grabbed control from him. This time...I'm going to let this be a learning experience for him. He let the balance get too low, a few things bounced, (I'm taking steady breaths here...staying calm) but he'll learn from this, I have to let him do this for a few reasons.
1. It makes him feel more like HOH if he's actually in charge.
2. The money was getting too stressful for me with having to always chase him around trying to figure out what he was doing with the debit card. and
3. Its really important to him, so that makes it important to me.
So so far nothing crazy has happened. The earth did not open up and swallow me whole. The world has not ended because I am not in total control of this portion of our life together, even with the little bump in the road it has been ok. So far...
OK...That's what I wrote yesterday with the intentions of posting it today....this morning, however, brought about a whole different scene. I completely lost my temper on the phone with TJ and said some horrible things. I thought for sure that I was going to be in for a spanking tonight but that wasn't the case. He felt that part of the problem was his mistake because he had caused the issue in the first place by making the mistake with the money. I countered that just because he makes a mistake doesn't mean that I get to go off the way I did. We talked about the entire issue, how it got out of hand, who's fault it was (both of ours) and in the end I'm off the hook. Sometimes when he lets me off the hook I feel let down, but tonight it's different. I am genuinely sorry for going off on him the way I did. We talked about it and it's all resolved. No hard feelings, no anger, no resentment. And I'm calm. I don't think a spanking would do anything to help this situation or even make it worse. I guess that's a part of DD I didn't think I'd see. Even though he'd totally be in his rights to punish for what I did he's not going to. Partly because he feels he's also to blame and partly because we talked it out and have come to a solution for the original problem. This whole letting control of that check book is getting harder on me. One of the things I ranted about was that I was taking it back from him. Tonight when we were talking I mentioned that I didn't really want it back and his response was. "Oh, you're not getting it back. I'm not giving it up...and that's the end of that," Sometimes even when things go wrong...they end up putting you in the right place!
I was thinking about something new to post about since I haven't had a spanking too recently and since TJ is a bit under the weather, nothing "fun" is really going on around here. Then it dawned on me. I may not have anything "new" to report but I can certainly dig up some of the things that TJ and I have tried in the past. Today's topic: Spanking Parties
When TJ and I moved back home after his tour in the army I was determined to get him into the spanking scene. I wanted him to become a super spanko (like myself lol). So I went online and found a local spanking community. A few clicks, an email or two and we were members and were signed up for a spanking party.
This was years ago. We had been married for about 4 years, had no children, and were still in our early 20's. The party was being held at a hotel. The group rented out a few rooms that were all adjoined. TJ and I also rented a room in the hotel, thinking that we would continue the party privately in our own room. (which we did WEG)
Talk about nervous! When we arrived it was easy to tell that we were the youngest guests there! The group of people seemed to know each other pretty well as they were chatting and spanking as though it were the most common thing in the world! I remember one guy draped over a woman's lap being spanked and they were talking about some recent vacation he had taken.
After just hanging out for about an hour or so TJ had me face down on the bed and was spanking me (if you can call what he was doing spanking LOL) some guy started talking to TJ as though I wasn't really there. He was giving him pointers on how to spank and such, then the next thing I knew, a paddle was being passed and the guy said "Like this," and delivered about 2-3 swats that had me howling! TJ, who usually is a very quick study, still took years before he delivered anything like that man did.
A little while later at the party an older gentelmen asked TJ if he could "play" with me. TJ looked at me and agreed. I have to say that experience was kind of odd. Like I said, we were all in the same room with several other couples, and TJ was nearby. Right behind me if I remember correctly. I was bent over the side of one of the beds and the gentlemam was standing behind me. I don't remember the entire spanking (cos this was almost 7 yrs ago) but I do remember thinking how odd it was to have some other man touching my bottom and in front of my husband! All in all it was a pretty thorough spanking, my ass was warm for at least an hour after all of that. And TJ got to spank that man's wife while I was "occupied' with her husband. That particular couple exchanged emails with TJ and later did invite us over for dinner. TJ declined, telling me that there was too much of an age difference between us. (I think they were in thier 60's and we were in our early 20's)
We did attend another party around Halloween time, a costume party. That one was held at a hotel but instead of private rooms, they booked a conference room. I remember feeling so bad for the servers who had to come in and get drink orders and such. Can you imagine? You go to work and spend the evening walking around couples spanking each other to get to the empty glass on the table? We only stayed at that party for about an hour then went back to our own room for an evening of fun.
Spanking parties are fun if you are into spanking purely for the spanking, I think. TJ found it a bit too "open" in a way. For us spanking is a way for us to be intimate with each other. At least it is now, for sure. Although, we had a fun time at the parties I highly doubt we'd ever attend another one. So those experiences have been filed away in the "been there, done that" category and once in awhile I pull out the memory glance at it, shrug, have a laugh and file it away again.
I'm gonna have to as TJ what he would think about seeing another man spank my bottom now? I wonder if he'd still be "ok" with it like he was at that party.
I added a new story to my lulu store. Girls Night Out Rachel and Barbara find themselves with an evening to themselves while their husbands are off fishing. When the movie ads don't wet the girls appetite for fun and adventure the strip club ads on the next page sure catch their eye. Against Barbara's better judgment they find themselves at the strip club and later that evening cornered by their husbands!
I'm currently working on a small collection of stories that have more of a BDSM flavor to them. The thing about my writing is that it really depends on my mood when I sit down at the computer to do the writing. If I'm feeling saucy I'll write a spanking story but there are times I get into a kinkier mood and out comes something a bit darker.
I just commented the other day to TJ that I've been really good, hadn't earned myself a punishment in weeks! As I'm sure you've figured out by the title of this post, I had spoken too soon. I would like to say that I had at least done something exciting to get myself into trouble, but that would be lying. It was my mouth...it always does me in.
Yesterday, like any other day I got up around 4 am(ish), fed the baby (who had already woken me up during the night), dressed and went to the gym. I got in a good workout, picked up my coffee on the way home and got home just as the house was waking up. TJ went off to work and I looked at my kids wondering what to do next. We played, we did our letters/numbers, we decorated for Christmas a little bit and had a good lunch. Then nap time came. Nap time in my house is like WWIII. There is screaming, whining, yelling, throwing of toys, and then there's crying (done most of the time by me...the crying not the throwing of the toys) and eventually defeat is conceded (again by me).
By the time TJ got home I was beyond exhausted. We ate dinner and the he headed upstairs for his nightly "soak" (a nice hot bath) I got the kids into the livingroom and we were watching some Christmas show on TV. When TJ came down stairs he offered to give the girls their bath and I was more then happy to let him. While he was doing that I fed the baby. The baby fell asleep right away as usual during his "dinner" and I kind of drifted off too. When TJ came down with the girls he had an armful of clothes. I tried to explain to him that I had a load of laundry I was going to do and was just waiting for his pants (cos he was wearing them so I had to wait until he got home to do it) but he wasn't getting what I was saying. "Just don't do anything!" I finally blurted out. He gave me a "look" and dropped the clothes right where he was standing and left the room.
I put the baby in his crib and took the girls upstairs to bed with TJ. When we got back down I was again trying to explain to him what I was doing but he wasn't listening (at least that's how I saw it). He said "Look...I just need clothes. I haven't had clean socks in 3 days" (which is not true..it's only been one lol) my response: "Fuck you! Fuck YOU! FUCK YOU!" and I walked out of the room and went back to watching TV (which I rarely do but like I said I was exhausted)
A few minutes later he came out into the living room with some chips and sat next to me. When he didn't say anything I said "Are you going to apologize now?"
A glare was his response and then "Are you going to?"
Me: For what? I'm allowed to be angry with you
Him: No, not like that you aren't
Me: When you are being an ass...I'm allowed to be mad
Him: We'll talk about this after you put the boy upstairs (he loves calling him 'the boy'...I don't know why)
Me; Whatever
Fast forward 10 minutes. TJ was in the computer room smoking and went in to talk to him.
Me: Look you weren't listening to what I was saying. And I DO get to be mad
Him: I said we'd talk later
Me: I don't want to ruin the whole night. Just talk to me now
Him: Fine. Yes, you can be mad at me. But you DO NOT get to talk to me like that. You don't swear at me and you don't yell at me
Me: Ok. fine. and I turned to leave the room just as he pulled out the paddle that I despise.
Him: Turn around and put your hands on the wall
[side note: I HATE that position. HATE it. It feel way to impersonal and I can't keep still when he spanks like that, I dance around and then he gets pissed and adds more to the spanking]
Me: No, I didn't mean for that right now (cos I had meant I wanted to talk...I knew a spanking woudl come but I wanted to wait until the baby was up in his room....I prolly should have told him that)
Him: Turn around
Me: No. I said no.
and I walked out of the room.
I was in the middle of changing the baby when TJ walked into the living room with that damn thing in his hand. I sat on the couch next to him to feed the baby, and he just sat there holding the damn paddle. He moved a few minutes later to lay on the floor still clutching the DAMN paddle. I finished feeding the baby and took him up to his room.
I weakly called down the stairs "Would you mind putting the clothes in the dryer?"
Him: "Come here,"
Me: I walked half way down the stairs.
Him: "What are you doing?"
Me: "Going to bed,"
Him: "Come here first,"
At this point I had two choices. 1. I could get down there and get spanked or 2. I could run up the stairs and into bed and he probably wouldn't have chased me since all the kids were up there sleeping. But if I had gone with choice 2 he would have seen that as I didn't respect him as HOH, that even though I had asked him for this type of relationship I wasn't willing to live up to my end of. It would have sent him the message that I didn't really mean it or that I only wanted it on my terms. I also realized that running back upstairs would hurt our relationship much more then that paddle was going to hurt my ass. So down the last four steps I went.
Just as I got near him he reached out and grabbed my arm. He pulled me to the couch and directed me to put my hands on the cushion. I think I shook my head because next thing I knew I was over the couch and the paddle was peppering my butt hard. He didn't take time to do a warm up or even to "talk" He just kept bringing that demon of a paddle down on my butt and my sit spot.
"You haven't been this disrespectful in a long time!" he said along with "I will not have you speaking to me like that in my house" and "You sure as hell don't tell me no and walk away!" I don't know how many swats he gave me or how long the spanking lasted but I know it was enough. When he was done I sat back on my heels and was crying. I wasn't crying because my ass hurt (which it DID) but because I had earned it. I had ruined our evening together with my temper. I was all up in arms about him not listening to me, when it was really me who hadn't listened to him.
He gave me all the hugs and kisses I needed and held me while I cried. He made sure I was ok, and then we talked. I explained my view and he explained his view and he also explained that had I not gone off on him we could have had that talk w/out the spanking. He asked me to skip the gym this morning since I wouldn't have the kids I could sleep in. I didn't want to skip my work out so he made me promise to at least take a nap before going to work this afternoon.
It still amazes me how well this works for us. Years ago what took us only about 40 minutes (with the argument and the spanking included) would have been a 2 to 3 hour long fight with hurt feelings. Now, we get past it much quicker. It's dealt with and over and we both went to bed last night happy and loved.
WOW! That was a long post! I'm off to my nap...after I do a few things (LOL)
One of the many parts of DD is: Spanking. Ok, it's a pretty big part of it and it's the part that I'm gonna talk about today.
I've been finding that TJ stops spanking just when I'm about to burst through that wall. Right when I get to the point of "Ok...yeah yeah I'm sorry" turns into "OK...I'm really sorry..I mean it..." and the remorse is honest and I've moved into what I guess some could call 'sub space' (for lack of better description). I've gotten the impression that he doesn't think I can take a very severe spanking....so I went about finding a way to show him that I can.
I wanted to show him that he can go further with the spankings and that I could/would be able to handle it. I wanted to show him that for punishments perhaps he was being very lenient on my bottom.
I brought up my idea to him: an experiment of sorts. We picked a time where we could devote at least 30 minutes for spanking. We agreed to try several different implements. He agreed to do a good warm up. Another thing I wanted to show him was that with a "proper" warm up we could take the spankings to a different level . He told me that when I got to the point of "NO MORE" to use the code word: Uncle.
Friday night came and it was time. I pulled out all of the implements...well mostly all of them. There was:
The universal scraper (pictured in the upper left corner)
The hand held wooden paddle that I had bought him for Xmas years ago that he's never really used
The hairbrush
A wooden spoon.
He sat on the couch and had me lay over his lap (my favorite position by the way). He explained that he was gonna do the warm up and then began to pepper my back side with spanks from the scraper. At first not a big deal, was feeling almost like a therapeutic massage. After a minute or two the smacks began to get a bit harder and were closer together. I was squirming by the end of 3 or 4 minutes and by the time he finally said "Ok...warm ups over" I was really rolling around on his lap trying to avoid that scraper.
He had me get up and take down my pants. I looked at him and said "But you never have me take off my pants," and he just gave a grin. I did as he instructed and got back on his lap. The hairbrush was next and if I thought the scraper stung I was mistaken. The hairbrush, when applied the same cheek rapidly packs a horrible burn. He switched to the wooden spoon and then to the wooden paddle.
He didn't switch implements until I cried out "UNCLE!", no matter how much I squirmed or cried out, he waited for me to give him the signal. It took less time to get me to call out "Uncle" with each implement. It wasn't so much that whatever he was using, hairbrush, spoon or what have you was so terrible, it was that he had been spanking me for so long that if he had used a feather it would have stung.
At some point he got to the wooden paddle. Now, I've had that paddle used on me all of 2 times (and I'm being generous with that number) since we got it years ago. I knew there was a lot of "thud" with a paddle and I was expecting that. I wasn't expecting it to hurt so very much. At first it was just another swat to an already very sore behind, but then it was soooo much more. It was fire! It was sting! It was "UNNNCLLEEE!!!!" I couldn't have called out that word sooner if I had tried...because I was too busy stammering from the burn of the thing. Somehow we ended up on the floor. (I think I rolled off his lap LOL) and he told me to get on hands and knees.
"Not with that thing!" I said and pointed at the paddle.
"Oh..it's got your attention does it?" he asked with more evil in his smile then I cared to see at that particular moment. "C'mon we are almost done... just get over here." I whimpered and did as he asked. I presented my very hot, red, and fiery bottom in front of him. I looked behind me and saw him bring his arm back, the paddle in hand, and as he brought it down on me I crawled away. He laughed and told me to get back. I did. And again as he was about to make contact I crawled away again. "Stop it," he laughed. "Just stay put,"
"Stop doing a full swing! You're gonna catapult me across the room!" I cried as I got back into position.
"Look forward," he commanded me. I looked ahead of me, focusing on the TV, but I could tell he was almost mid swing, I looked behind me confirmed my suspicion and off I went again crawling away. This time he lurched forward grabbed me by my waist and gave me a few swats hard and fast. Just when I thought I was gonna lose my mind from it, he tossed it to the side and pushed me to the ground.
The next thing I knew..the burning in my rear was nothing compared to the sensations he was causing in other areas......
So...the goal was to show him I could take a lot more then he's been dishing out. He told me that he can see that now and that he's not gonna stop just cos he hears a few whimpers out of me. So we'll see if this was a good or bad thing...for me. WEG
Here's the problem: I'm a control freak! Especially when it comes to money. I want to now where it's coming from, where it's going, and how much is allotted to each part of the budget. This has been a hot button issue with TJ and I. He's stayed out of the money and the budgets because we would only argue about it all. We tried once to have him do the bill paying and such but I was totally not having it. So we reverted back to me handling it all.
However, that was all pre-DD. This week I handed over the check book and the bills. I'm no longer in control of it. That's not to say I don't know how much there is, where it is, or how to get at it, but I'm not the one having the last say on it. I think it is important for everyone to know their financial status. Everyone should know where the money is kept, how much is there, and what's going on with debt and such. I still get to have my say but he makes the final decision.
It's been about 5 days since we changed over "power of the check book" and I'll be honest it's killing me!
We've tried doing the bills together, working 50/50 but just like in our relationship, it doesn't work for us. I don't like the way he handles it and he doesn't agree with my way, so someone has to have the last say and since he's the HOH I figured why not him? But it is not that easy. I know there are bills coming and things that are needed and now I worry: is he budgeting, did he take into account that the preschool bill is coming, did he write that check etc... Today was my first freak out. I had wanted to spend some money on one of the girls (a program at the local park district) and he was telling me that there just wasn't enough to cover the expense right now. I started to ask him about the money. Ok...not "ask" it was more "DEMAND TO KNOW RIGHT NOW" kind of questioning. He told me we'd go over it tonight when he got home from work but I just kept on him. Finally, he hung up on me.
After a few minutes I calmed myself down and called him back. I'm not really sure if there's going to be a "talk" this evening about it but we are going to "calmly" go over the money together. He's upset becuase "it hasn't even been a week yet and...." but I pointed out "I made it this long without freaking out....."
With DD there is so much more to it than spanking. Of course there's plenty of it, but there's more to it. This issue is going to take a lot of patience and a lot of communciation to resolve and come to conclusions that make us both happy. I'm going to have to give up control in an area that's hard for me, and he's going to have to step up to the plate in two ways. One: make responsible decisions that benefit our family in concerns to the family budget. Two: Keep me accountable for my lil freak outs and help me through this transistion period.
This is going to be a difficult thing for us both. But we have both agreed to this lifestyle, we have agreed to work on issues that are easy and hard for us. With both of us on board I don't see how we can fail....
