The waiting

This morning, before the sun even rose into the sky, I earned myself a punishment. TJ and I had talked the other day about consistency and we agreed he needed to work on that area a bit. We talked about how the rules he sets really need to be important, otherwise, if I break one he doesn't feel the need to correct me for it. For example: if he says I have to wear purple shoes everyday and one day I don't he's very likely to just shrug and say 'eh, oh well' because he could care less what shoes I wear.

So that brings me to this morning. There is a rule in our house that I must always have my cell phone with me and charged. I know this is a rule for an important reason and I still suck at following it. It's not that I leave the phone home on purpose, it's just I forget the dang thing all the time and I'm even worse about charging it.

There was a HUGE drop in the temperature during the night and everything was basically one big ice cube this morning. I got up a little earlier for the gym so that I would have time to scrape off the 1-2 inches of ice on my windshield (which I only ended up scraping off a little hole for me to look through cos the ice was so thick...but he doesn't know that...thankfully). I went to the gym, worked out, showered, and left the gym. When I got into the van I pulled my phone out (I did remember it!) thinking to call TJ and make sure he was up for work. The phone....was dead. Well, it died when I flipped it open to see the screen. No big deal, I thought.

When I got home I told TJ about how cold and icy it was (after I had pulled my phone out of my coat and plugged it into the charger.) He looks up at me and says "And you didn't have your cell phone with you!?" I was kinda taken aback by how upset he was and I quickly stammered that I did have it with me but it was dead. "Then you should have taken mine!" I again just looked at him blankly. I then explained that I didn't know it was dead until after I got out of the gym. *silence* Then he looked up at me with a look I've only seen a few times before and said "We will be talking about this tonight!" and he walked away.

Then, immediately, everything went right back to normal. He got dressed and I fixed the kids breakfast. We chatted a bit about this and that and then he was off to work. So, I'm left here all day with this impending spanking coming my way. SOOO many things go through my mind during the day when this happens.

1. Will he remember?
2. What will he use? That damn paddle again?
3. Does this mean no sex tonight?
   
4. Should I remind him if he forgets?
   
5. Does he think about this at all during the day?
   

I envision the spanking, I plan it all out, and then I fester in my own imagination all day long. I go from one emotion to the next. Panic, dread, anger (this happens when I begin assume he's going to forget) remorse, embarrassment then it all starts all over again.

I wonder if we didn't have kids would he have simply pulled me into the living room, sat down pulled me over his lap and given me the spanking then? Then again, if we didn't have kids would that rule be as important?

Then there's pressure on him to deliver. I will have the entire thing played out in my head and if he doesn't go by my mentally prepared script will I be disappointed? I think that the mental torture I put myself through while waiting for my spanking should be considered time served... well a little bit anyway...