TJ decided that I was to get a spanking last night for a transgression that I am not proud of. Nothing completely horrible, but still not my best moment. He wasn't really mad...well I guess he was...but he was "disappointed" in me (which is worse, by the way). I actually did everything I could think of to get out of the spanking because I knew that he really meant business and I really didn't want it to happen. Nothing worked, but he did smile a lot and say how adorable I look when I'm ashamed of myself. Apparently, I do a lot of blushing.
When it came time to "pay the piper" I did sincerely explain my fears to him. It's been a long time since he spanked for anything and I was really afraid that I wouldn't be able to stand it. I was afraid that all my wiggling and squirming would only make him angrier. He assured me that I would do fine and that he would be patient.
He prepared the house by locking the door and starting the dishwasher "To drown out your screams" (he was chuckling when he said that-always the kidder!) He went into his room to search out his "Friend" and came out with a dowel rod. I shook my head and tried to walk away.
"I just said that I dont' think I can stand a regular spanking, and you bring out that thing?!" He walked over to me and hugged me.
"Have some faith in your husband," he whispered and led me over to the laundry room door. "Hands on the door," he directed me, and I did as he told me.
He starting out with his lecture and they why's and what's as usual, the entire time swishing that damn thing in air behind me. He reached over and yanked my pants down to my ankles and folded my shirt up so it was out of his way.
I stood there feeling that stupid wooden demon tapping against my bottom and my thighs as he talked and all I could think about was how much it was going to hurt. The immense sting it would create, the hopping around I would do, the aggravation I was going to cause. The longer this went on the more scared I got, the deeper my breathing became, and the faster the tears came and before I knew it, I was crying. He hadn't even given me a single stroke of the rod yet and I was crying. I'll be completely honest that the tears had nothing to do with remorse.
I was of course sorry for what I had done, but the tears were simply fear and more fear.
TJ quickly put his hand on my back and said "Oh, baby don't cry," which really opened te flood gates.
"I'm just so scared of that thing," I blubbered. "I won't be able to stand it, and you'll be mad," He turned me around and hugged me tightly.
"Please don't cry. I didn't mean to scare you. I don't want to hurt you---well, not like this anyway." and he hugged me while I tried to get control of myself again. When I was feeling a bit better he walked away to put the rod away and I started crying again.
"I fucked it all up!" I wiped my eyes. "This is the first time in like forever that you were going to spank me and I fucked it all up!" He laughed a little and hugged me again. He did give me a little bit of a lecture on what I did and then he told me to get up to bed.
When he climbed in bed, about an hour later, he told me he loved me. I apologized for making a muck of the whole thing and he held me tighter. He assured me there would be other times and that I didn't screw anything up.
I felt like a complete idiot! I'm not getting any punihsment for what I did because he felt bad for scaring me like that, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. It was the first real offense I've committed...the one time that I think I really deserved a serious punishment and I'm getting off because I was scared.
Blech!!! Damned either way!
On the up side: the spanking was his idea.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Once and again
I'm not sure what happened.
I made my decision. I wasn't going put up with it anymore, I was going to do what needed to be done so that I could move forward. I was going to ask TJ for a separation. I was all set to do it, I was only waiting until after the new year. I knew exactly what I was going to say, knew what I wanted from him, and was ready to go.
The night came that I had planned to have the talk with him, the kids were in bed sleeping, the house was cleaned up from all the holiday crap and it was just the two of us. I opened my mouth to start the conversation and nothing. Not a peep came out. I shut my mouth and tried again, nothing. He was starting to look at me strangely.
"What?" he asked me when I made a third attempt. "You ok?" he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my forehead. I sighed. We watched a movie instead.
I don't' know why I didn't say what I was thinking, other than I didn't really want him to move out anymore.
The following night I told him all of this and he stared at me blankly.
"You didn't want to have the talk or you didn't want the separation?" he asked.
"I think I didn't want the separation any more."
"Well, as long as your sure. Are we separating?" he asked pointedly.
"I don't think so."
"I dont' understand. Nothings changed -" And the light bulb illuminated. "Oh." he said flatly.
"Exactly," I smiled.
Is everything fine and dandy? Nope, far from it. The problems are still there...he has still made little effort to resolve the issues...but he has made some. I can't say what happened, why I changed my mind, or why my heart warmed towards him again... but it did.
During the same conversation, TJ mentioned that I was to get a spanking for letting the gas tank empty that day (the light went on with all the kids in the car and he was worried we wouldn't get to a gas station in time) I said "We agreed not to do that anymore..remember?"
"Uh, no. You said we weren't doing it anymore. I said that after the holidays were over we'd be getting right back into it."
"After what I just said, you're gonna spank me?"
"Are we separating?"
"No."
"Then yes. I'm going to spank you."
And he did. It was weird. My head wasn't really into it. It hurt a lot since it's been a few months since my last spanking. It seemed a little silly. I didn't argue though, I went with it.
I have no idea what's going to happen next. It's like my life is a chapter book...did I choose the right path? We'll see.
I made my decision. I wasn't going put up with it anymore, I was going to do what needed to be done so that I could move forward. I was going to ask TJ for a separation. I was all set to do it, I was only waiting until after the new year. I knew exactly what I was going to say, knew what I wanted from him, and was ready to go.
The night came that I had planned to have the talk with him, the kids were in bed sleeping, the house was cleaned up from all the holiday crap and it was just the two of us. I opened my mouth to start the conversation and nothing. Not a peep came out. I shut my mouth and tried again, nothing. He was starting to look at me strangely.
"What?" he asked me when I made a third attempt. "You ok?" he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my forehead. I sighed. We watched a movie instead.
I don't' know why I didn't say what I was thinking, other than I didn't really want him to move out anymore.
The following night I told him all of this and he stared at me blankly.
"You didn't want to have the talk or you didn't want the separation?" he asked.
"I think I didn't want the separation any more."
"Well, as long as your sure. Are we separating?" he asked pointedly.
"I don't think so."
"I dont' understand. Nothings changed -" And the light bulb illuminated. "Oh." he said flatly.
"Exactly," I smiled.
Is everything fine and dandy? Nope, far from it. The problems are still there...he has still made little effort to resolve the issues...but he has made some. I can't say what happened, why I changed my mind, or why my heart warmed towards him again... but it did.
During the same conversation, TJ mentioned that I was to get a spanking for letting the gas tank empty that day (the light went on with all the kids in the car and he was worried we wouldn't get to a gas station in time) I said "We agreed not to do that anymore..remember?"
"Uh, no. You said we weren't doing it anymore. I said that after the holidays were over we'd be getting right back into it."
"After what I just said, you're gonna spank me?"
"Are we separating?"
"No."
"Then yes. I'm going to spank you."
And he did. It was weird. My head wasn't really into it. It hurt a lot since it's been a few months since my last spanking. It seemed a little silly. I didn't argue though, I went with it.
I have no idea what's going to happen next. It's like my life is a chapter book...did I choose the right path? We'll see.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
The Return.
I have stayed away from my blog for too long. I would like to say it's because of how busy I was with school and work, but that's not entirely the truth. The truth of the matter is that I have been hiding. I thought if I just hid from my blog and others like it, there might still be hope of a return for me. I thought that if I just pushed all of this out of my head it would go away. The urge to belong to someone (really belong) would diminish. The dark fantasies would fade away into the shadows in which I hid myself.
I was also afraid. I was afraid to admit anywhere outside of my own head that things were bad. Fear of boring my readers with yet another downfall of the never ending roller coaster that seems to be my life. I felt that I was beginning to sound like a broken record "Things are bad...Things are good...things are bad...etc" or worse yet- I'd come off as wining.
Although I still fear doing those things and do wish I could flip a switch to make me different, I'm here.
Things are a horrible mess. I would like to say it's just because of the D/s but it's way messier than that. TJ has always had trouble with procrastination., He's the reason stores are open on Christmas eve. "The way to Christmas shop is in a panicked frenzy!" he loves to say as he dashes from store to store. This is how he deals with everything: oil changes, tire fill ups, calling the cell phone company about a bill, getting the driveway guy the blue prints for the job we paid him to do, etc.
Things that I should be able to depend on him to handle -he can't or won't. We've lost the deposit on the driveway (that is badly needed) because he wouldn't let the guy handle getting the permit from the village and insisted on doing it himself- which he never got around to doing. We've had to pay fines to the village because of the driveway not being done, not to mention all the monies gone to late fees and bounced checks because he doesn't seem to have time to balance his checkbook and won't allow me to do any of it. The more I try to depend on him, to stay out of his way, to let him lead, the more often I fall right on my face.
I could do it all myself...and have in the past, which leaves me feeling alone. The way I feel right now is that I'm lonely, and very much alone. i don't have anyone to help me with the day to day stuff, the living together stuff, the couple stuff and I don't have anyone to live a D/s relationship with but I'm not free to pursue anything that will result in finding someone to share those things with.
The inability to rely on him has resulted in a complete breakdown of trust in him. He promises to do something-then doesn't- over and over and over again...I don't trust him. I can't depend on him and it's left me feeling "platonic" towards him. Sex is even more rare than ever and it's mostly because I'm not even trying anymore..and when he tries I'm very far from being in the mood.
The idea of having sex or doing anything sexual with him in the "submissive" mind frame actually irritates me now. I can not have sex with him simply because he wants it like I used to. It used to turn me on having him wake me up for sex, now I'm just annoyed. The other night he was having his way with me (I was too tired to argue or say no) and I just kept thinking "Hurry up! Would you just finish!" ....it was horrible.
The thought of him spanking me is laughable at this point. I would no sooner allow him to do such a thing than I would some stranger on the street.
Everything I want, the rules, the structure, the security is not going to happen with him. He can not even take care of himself let alone me... there is absolutely no trust. The foundation of our relationship is completely broken. The D/s is dead and buried and the vanilla relationship sucks- at best. I don't want a vanilla relationship...I just don't. I have needs and wants and he can't fulfill them. Nor can I fulfill his vanilla wants and needs.
We are in a horrible place and the longer it goes on the further away I move from him. He knows it, and sees it and we've talked and talked and talked. I've made it damn clear on what needs to happen and he says "it will take time...give me time" but it has been months since we started these talks. We separated our checking accounts over a month ago, along with it the bills. He has not paid a single bill. Not one.
I'm not sure how much longer our marriage is going to last. He tells me he loves me at least 10 times a day, he calls me to tell me, he texts me... he doesn't get it. Love isn't the problem. Well, maybe in some way it is. I don't feel love like a vanilla woman does.
So there it is. I'm miserable, he's miserable. It's all screwed up so badly I don't see much hope that things will improve. I've tried everything I can try, I can not make him do what he wont' do. I can't make him grow up. But I can't allow him to drag me down much more. I deserve to be happy, to have the relationship I want, to have someone who is loving and supportive and reliable. He deserves those things, too.
I was also afraid. I was afraid to admit anywhere outside of my own head that things were bad. Fear of boring my readers with yet another downfall of the never ending roller coaster that seems to be my life. I felt that I was beginning to sound like a broken record "Things are bad...Things are good...things are bad...etc" or worse yet- I'd come off as wining.
Although I still fear doing those things and do wish I could flip a switch to make me different, I'm here.
Things are a horrible mess. I would like to say it's just because of the D/s but it's way messier than that. TJ has always had trouble with procrastination., He's the reason stores are open on Christmas eve. "The way to Christmas shop is in a panicked frenzy!" he loves to say as he dashes from store to store. This is how he deals with everything: oil changes, tire fill ups, calling the cell phone company about a bill, getting the driveway guy the blue prints for the job we paid him to do, etc.
Things that I should be able to depend on him to handle -he can't or won't. We've lost the deposit on the driveway (that is badly needed) because he wouldn't let the guy handle getting the permit from the village and insisted on doing it himself- which he never got around to doing. We've had to pay fines to the village because of the driveway not being done, not to mention all the monies gone to late fees and bounced checks because he doesn't seem to have time to balance his checkbook and won't allow me to do any of it. The more I try to depend on him, to stay out of his way, to let him lead, the more often I fall right on my face.
I could do it all myself...and have in the past, which leaves me feeling alone. The way I feel right now is that I'm lonely, and very much alone. i don't have anyone to help me with the day to day stuff, the living together stuff, the couple stuff and I don't have anyone to live a D/s relationship with but I'm not free to pursue anything that will result in finding someone to share those things with.
The inability to rely on him has resulted in a complete breakdown of trust in him. He promises to do something-then doesn't- over and over and over again...I don't trust him. I can't depend on him and it's left me feeling "platonic" towards him. Sex is even more rare than ever and it's mostly because I'm not even trying anymore..and when he tries I'm very far from being in the mood.
The idea of having sex or doing anything sexual with him in the "submissive" mind frame actually irritates me now. I can not have sex with him simply because he wants it like I used to. It used to turn me on having him wake me up for sex, now I'm just annoyed. The other night he was having his way with me (I was too tired to argue or say no) and I just kept thinking "Hurry up! Would you just finish!" ....it was horrible.
The thought of him spanking me is laughable at this point. I would no sooner allow him to do such a thing than I would some stranger on the street.
Everything I want, the rules, the structure, the security is not going to happen with him. He can not even take care of himself let alone me... there is absolutely no trust. The foundation of our relationship is completely broken. The D/s is dead and buried and the vanilla relationship sucks- at best. I don't want a vanilla relationship...I just don't. I have needs and wants and he can't fulfill them. Nor can I fulfill his vanilla wants and needs.
We are in a horrible place and the longer it goes on the further away I move from him. He knows it, and sees it and we've talked and talked and talked. I've made it damn clear on what needs to happen and he says "it will take time...give me time" but it has been months since we started these talks. We separated our checking accounts over a month ago, along with it the bills. He has not paid a single bill. Not one.
I'm not sure how much longer our marriage is going to last. He tells me he loves me at least 10 times a day, he calls me to tell me, he texts me... he doesn't get it. Love isn't the problem. Well, maybe in some way it is. I don't feel love like a vanilla woman does.
So there it is. I'm miserable, he's miserable. It's all screwed up so badly I don't see much hope that things will improve. I've tried everything I can try, I can not make him do what he wont' do. I can't make him grow up. But I can't allow him to drag me down much more. I deserve to be happy, to have the relationship I want, to have someone who is loving and supportive and reliable. He deserves those things, too.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Still kickin
I have not posted in quite a while and that's not because everything has gone down the crapper. Well, not entirely anyway. I have been very busy with my two night classes and working more than I would like, so blogging hasn't really been an option.
Unfortunately, this also means I haven't had much time to be with TJ. Our typical night is me walking in around 8:30 or 9, after the kids are already in bed, and collapsing onto the couch. An hour of snuggle on the couch to watch tv and off to bed.
The rules have all crumbled. I forget once or twice to follow a rule and then it just dies away. Tj feels it's not fair to punish me when I'm so busy and he doesn't really fault me and I figure he doesn't care about it, so it just dies off. I'm not happy about it, and really miss the dynamic we had going, but I know it's because of the way our life is right now and there is a chance it will get better.
I also know that we could be living the dynamic we wanted right now if we would both try harder and put more effort into it, but it's just not happening right now.
I realized this morning that I haven't laid out TJ's clothes for him in weeks, and last night I was bratting him pretty badly. I didn't get a rise out of him, but I knew what I was doing and it made me angry at myself. I am just hoping that the next 8 weeks go quickly and I wont' be away from the house as much and I will be able to put much more effort into our relationship and to the family as a whole. TJ has become quite the Mr. Mom these past weeks and I feel a bit left out.
Anyway, just wanted to say i'm not lost, things are on the back burner a bit but it's not dead.
Unfortunately, this also means I haven't had much time to be with TJ. Our typical night is me walking in around 8:30 or 9, after the kids are already in bed, and collapsing onto the couch. An hour of snuggle on the couch to watch tv and off to bed.
The rules have all crumbled. I forget once or twice to follow a rule and then it just dies away. Tj feels it's not fair to punish me when I'm so busy and he doesn't really fault me and I figure he doesn't care about it, so it just dies off. I'm not happy about it, and really miss the dynamic we had going, but I know it's because of the way our life is right now and there is a chance it will get better.
I also know that we could be living the dynamic we wanted right now if we would both try harder and put more effort into it, but it's just not happening right now.
I realized this morning that I haven't laid out TJ's clothes for him in weeks, and last night I was bratting him pretty badly. I didn't get a rise out of him, but I knew what I was doing and it made me angry at myself. I am just hoping that the next 8 weeks go quickly and I wont' be away from the house as much and I will be able to put much more effort into our relationship and to the family as a whole. TJ has become quite the Mr. Mom these past weeks and I feel a bit left out.
Anyway, just wanted to say i'm not lost, things are on the back burner a bit but it's not dead.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Implement: Back scratcher
Position: Standing against the wall
Offense: Attitude, breaking the water rule, not laying out His clothes as instructed.
"Turn around and put your hands on the wall."
Subject turns and places her palms on the cool paneling. the lecture begins as the light taps of the back scratcher are spread around her bottom. Subject feels a slight tingle in the middle of her back, she tries to ignore it, to focus on his voice. The gin tingle gets stronger and stronger until it is no ignorable and becomes a full blown itch. Subject realizes that the very thing she wants is being used on her bottom and for a split second thinks of asking Him if she could borrow the weapon for just a moment. That split second thought results in a bubble in her chest that she tries to contain, as he is giving a rather lengthy speech and she is sure she should be listening. The bubble moves upward and will not be ignored...helpless, the subject begins to giggle.
"Are you laughing!?" The giggle turns into a burst of laughter and the subject turns away from the wall and tries to explain herself. He does not look amused. She tries again to explain that it is absolutely hilarious that she has a horrible itch and he is using the scratcher to spank her with instead of scratch her with.
"Turn around" he instructs with only a slight hint of a smile on his firm lips. She turns around and waits for the next blow..."where does it itch?" he asks and she points out the spot as best as one can point out a spot on the middle of one's own back. She sighs with relief as she feels the scratcher putting out the annoying itch. She thanks him.
He continues the spanking......
Position: Standing against the wall
Offense: Attitude, breaking the water rule, not laying out His clothes as instructed.
"Turn around and put your hands on the wall."
Subject turns and places her palms on the cool paneling. the lecture begins as the light taps of the back scratcher are spread around her bottom. Subject feels a slight tingle in the middle of her back, she tries to ignore it, to focus on his voice. The gin tingle gets stronger and stronger until it is no ignorable and becomes a full blown itch. Subject realizes that the very thing she wants is being used on her bottom and for a split second thinks of asking Him if she could borrow the weapon for just a moment. That split second thought results in a bubble in her chest that she tries to contain, as he is giving a rather lengthy speech and she is sure she should be listening. The bubble moves upward and will not be ignored...helpless, the subject begins to giggle.
"Are you laughing!?" The giggle turns into a burst of laughter and the subject turns away from the wall and tries to explain herself. He does not look amused. She tries again to explain that it is absolutely hilarious that she has a horrible itch and he is using the scratcher to spank her with instead of scratch her with.
"Turn around" he instructs with only a slight hint of a smile on his firm lips. She turns around and waits for the next blow..."where does it itch?" he asks and she points out the spot as best as one can point out a spot on the middle of one's own back. She sighs with relief as she feels the scratcher putting out the annoying itch. She thanks him.
He continues the spanking......
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Our 24/7
One of the classes we attended at camp had to do with living the lifestyle 24/7. The most important thing i walked away with was that everyone has their own version of 24/7. I know that many of you have said the same thing but it stuck a little more this time. I think it sunk in more this time because I could see everyone right in front of me, there was no virtual wall or chat room, we were siting right next to each other talking about real life.
At first we mostly just listened to the other couples talking about finding time to play and how to distinguish between fantasy and reality. I finally spoke up and gave a little background of TJ and i going through the whole roller coaster ride and "it's here to day gone tomorrow" philosophy we seem to be following. Everyone was very supportive and there was another couple there with kids who really seemed to relate to us. The guys had some ideas for TJ and when I described our routine one of the girls said "That's your 24/7" and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I may not kneel and ask permission to get into bed every night, but TJ brings me to bed when he says it's time to go to bed, and he kisses me good night. There may be no "protocol" how i get dinner to the table, but I make his plate for him every time. We have our own little routines that seemed like nothing but now i realize they mean more.
We do have a 24/7 relationship that isn't entirely vanilla. It's not M/s...at least not in the terminology way. I don't call him Master or even Sir (unless the situation requires it) and i seriously doubt he will ever "collar" me, (although I really wish we could have some sort of symbol that maybe only the of two us understands) but we have a dynamic that works and still needs work.... a lot of work.
A few things we've added to our relationship..
-I lay out his clothes for him in the morning, and his pj's at night.
- I am no longer allowed to be intimate with myself without his permission.
- I may have as much water as I like but must ask for permission for anything else (except for coffee in the morning)
I'm starting to be more comfortable with our relationship, and i'm feeling a lot less envious of others...what I have is pretty good.
At first we mostly just listened to the other couples talking about finding time to play and how to distinguish between fantasy and reality. I finally spoke up and gave a little background of TJ and i going through the whole roller coaster ride and "it's here to day gone tomorrow" philosophy we seem to be following. Everyone was very supportive and there was another couple there with kids who really seemed to relate to us. The guys had some ideas for TJ and when I described our routine one of the girls said "That's your 24/7" and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I may not kneel and ask permission to get into bed every night, but TJ brings me to bed when he says it's time to go to bed, and he kisses me good night. There may be no "protocol" how i get dinner to the table, but I make his plate for him every time. We have our own little routines that seemed like nothing but now i realize they mean more.
We do have a 24/7 relationship that isn't entirely vanilla. It's not M/s...at least not in the terminology way. I don't call him Master or even Sir (unless the situation requires it) and i seriously doubt he will ever "collar" me, (although I really wish we could have some sort of symbol that maybe only the of two us understands) but we have a dynamic that works and still needs work.... a lot of work.
A few things we've added to our relationship..
-I lay out his clothes for him in the morning, and his pj's at night.
- I am no longer allowed to be intimate with myself without his permission.
- I may have as much water as I like but must ask for permission for anything else (except for coffee in the morning)
I'm starting to be more comfortable with our relationship, and i'm feeling a lot less envious of others...what I have is pretty good.
Monday, September 6, 2010
D/s formal
Saturday afternoon brought with it the excitement of a D/s formal that i had been looking forward to the entire weekend. TJ agreed that my corset was the best option for dress that evening and he helped me get dressed. He dug through his bag and asked if I had packed him a button down shirt or any polo shirts, my heart fell to my feet. I apologized a hundred times, I didn't think to pack him something special for the event. He assured it me it was fine and that he wouldn't be uncomfortable at all. Luckily there were just as many guys dressed down as there were dressed up at the event so that made me feel better.
Along with my black corset, I wore a black lace petticoat with black and pink lace panties underneath. The finishing touch was my collar and my hair. I had put my hair up due to the warmth that day but he said it had to come down, so I took it down and brushed it out. Then we were all ready. TJ hooked the leash through the loops of my right cuff and clipped it to my left cuff so that I was nicely chained up and could still swing my arms slightly unless he pulled on the chain and pinned my wrists together. The walk up to the dungeon was more fun than I had thought it would be.
The dungeon had been converted into a dining room for the event and it looked great. There were two long tables with appetizers displayed and on another table a naked girl was being used as a human fruit platter. The round dining tables were dressed in red table cloths and floggers were used very creatively to make the center pieces. The hosts - a Master and his slave- greeted everyone as they entered and said the only restriction was that no one use their mouth to remove fruit from the platter.
TJ and i found a table and he said i could use the kneeler that was next to his chair. I hadn't really been sure what to expect from him and it only slightly surprised me when he had told me to kneel at the table instead of sitting next to him. Shortly after we took our seats, another couple joined us who we had met before during the weekend. TJ took a few cues from him as i think he liked the way he and his slave(wife) interacted with each other. He sent me up to the table to get him a plate of "anything you think I'd like" as he put it. Since we pretty much like all the same things, it wasn't difficult. I also got him something to drink. Once I had his plate of delicious appetizers and a drink in front of him, he said i could go back up to the table and get myself something to drink. I tried not to let my frustration show that he kept waiting until I was back on the kneeler before sending me for the next thing, but his grin told me he could tell and he was amused by it.
I noticed that the Master sitting next to me was feeding his slave and was busy watching the room as TJ spoke with him. I turned back towards TJ and my lips crashed into a quiche that he was trying to give me. Once I realized what he was doing, I opened my mouth to take in the food and thanked him for it. I had thought to myself "the man is going to starve me, just to prove some point!" before he started giving me little bites. I had hoped he would let me get my own plate as the slave next to me had been allowed, but he was content with sharing his plate with me.
It was a wonderfully relaxing afternoon and I didn't feel at all foolish kneeling beside TJ as he sat in his chair and carried on conversations. I joined in the conversations and only later did I think that maybe I wasn't supposed to have done that, but since TJ never told me to hush or give me some sort of signal to stay out of it I figured he didn't have a problem with it.
The host ,David, came over to our table and made a joke that TJ should get a kneeler for me at home for the dinner table. He had given a class the day before about M/s 24/7 that was really helpful to TJ and i, and joked back that if i could keep the kids from playing on it, that might work. It was such a great experience and David gave a wonderfully warm thank you to his slave for all the hard work she put into the evening. He gave her all the credit by saying that it was really her event and gave her several compliments on the food and decorations. It was just another example to me that M/s does not mean the Master isn't loving and sweet to his slave.
I can't get over how much fun the weekend was and I can not wait until next year!
Along with my black corset, I wore a black lace petticoat with black and pink lace panties underneath. The finishing touch was my collar and my hair. I had put my hair up due to the warmth that day but he said it had to come down, so I took it down and brushed it out. Then we were all ready. TJ hooked the leash through the loops of my right cuff and clipped it to my left cuff so that I was nicely chained up and could still swing my arms slightly unless he pulled on the chain and pinned my wrists together. The walk up to the dungeon was more fun than I had thought it would be.
The dungeon had been converted into a dining room for the event and it looked great. There were two long tables with appetizers displayed and on another table a naked girl was being used as a human fruit platter. The round dining tables were dressed in red table cloths and floggers were used very creatively to make the center pieces. The hosts - a Master and his slave- greeted everyone as they entered and said the only restriction was that no one use their mouth to remove fruit from the platter.
TJ and i found a table and he said i could use the kneeler that was next to his chair. I hadn't really been sure what to expect from him and it only slightly surprised me when he had told me to kneel at the table instead of sitting next to him. Shortly after we took our seats, another couple joined us who we had met before during the weekend. TJ took a few cues from him as i think he liked the way he and his slave(wife) interacted with each other. He sent me up to the table to get him a plate of "anything you think I'd like" as he put it. Since we pretty much like all the same things, it wasn't difficult. I also got him something to drink. Once I had his plate of delicious appetizers and a drink in front of him, he said i could go back up to the table and get myself something to drink. I tried not to let my frustration show that he kept waiting until I was back on the kneeler before sending me for the next thing, but his grin told me he could tell and he was amused by it.
I noticed that the Master sitting next to me was feeding his slave and was busy watching the room as TJ spoke with him. I turned back towards TJ and my lips crashed into a quiche that he was trying to give me. Once I realized what he was doing, I opened my mouth to take in the food and thanked him for it. I had thought to myself "the man is going to starve me, just to prove some point!" before he started giving me little bites. I had hoped he would let me get my own plate as the slave next to me had been allowed, but he was content with sharing his plate with me.
It was a wonderfully relaxing afternoon and I didn't feel at all foolish kneeling beside TJ as he sat in his chair and carried on conversations. I joined in the conversations and only later did I think that maybe I wasn't supposed to have done that, but since TJ never told me to hush or give me some sort of signal to stay out of it I figured he didn't have a problem with it.
The host ,David, came over to our table and made a joke that TJ should get a kneeler for me at home for the dinner table. He had given a class the day before about M/s 24/7 that was really helpful to TJ and i, and joked back that if i could keep the kids from playing on it, that might work. It was such a great experience and David gave a wonderfully warm thank you to his slave for all the hard work she put into the evening. He gave her all the credit by saying that it was really her event and gave her several compliments on the food and decorations. It was just another example to me that M/s does not mean the Master isn't loving and sweet to his slave.
I can't get over how much fun the weekend was and I can not wait until next year!
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